.

The Backstreet Boys

2011-02-25T11:25:00.000-08:00

I just got home from a Boys' Night Out.

No, I'm no lesbian and I am totally not against homosexuality.

I just often find myself drinking in the company of my male friends. And when I say friends, I mean real ones. Tenderly demeaning, protective, objective yet loving male friends. No hanky-panky nonsense or friends with benefits scenario. Friends. Genuine male buddies.

It is a fact that when it comes to friends, I jell better with the male ones. Girly-girl friends are just.. I don't know. I have girly-girl friends, I can count them with my fingers on one hand and I love them to death. But I think the girl world is just full of the drama, subjectivity, glitz and glamor.

Having guy friends provided me with a sense of balance. I owe my sense of humor to them. I learned to be crass and objective when it comes to love and life. During most of the toughest times in my personal life, I called on those dudes for guidance. They helped me get through most of my obstacles without shedding too much tears. They presented to me everything I needed to know about men, too much information that I started becoming cynical whenever a guy makes the moves on me. Ironically, my guy friends taught me how to be a woman.

But sadly, instead of appearing as one of the boys, there are others who misconstrue my affinity with these dudes. My long, curly hair had numerous threats last year from girls who were after the hearts of my male friends. An ex called my male buddies as the Backstreet Boys for standing by me during our toughest confrontation. And because of that, I decided that the next boyfriend has to understand why I have male friends. But unfortunately, no stranger could hit on me when I'm with them. Crap.

Side story: Earlier, somebody hit on me. They simply shooed him off by saying that I was the girlfriend of one of our friends. Normally, that would be all right but that guy was handsome. Gorgeous, even! I asked him why they didn't let the guy approach me. My buddies simply said that the stranger had something else in mind. Whatever. Hello singlehood for another five years.

So yes. It was another Boys' Night Out. Another night of bad-ass and nasty jokes that often made me wonder whether they were forgetting that I was a girl.

Of Whores And Muses

2011-02-24T08:53:00.000-08:00

God knows how much I miss writing.

The other day I was talking to a friend about how much I needed a muse, someone to drive words into my head and propel me to pick up a pen and put these words into writing. In that conversation, I realized that if I had a writing pre-requisite, it would be a person I could draw my inspiration from.

It is no secret. I started writing because I wanted to document the daily accounts of my admiration for The Boy back when I was only 12, awkward, naive and foolish. I grappled for words that could describe how his eyes piercingly looked into mine. Or how I seemed to have held my breath while walking with him from the campus gate to the jeepney stop. And especially that ineffable, explosive feeling when I saw him starting to like someone else. This inspiration I drew from him is the same one that I siphoned for every school paper article, essays for contests and projects and even for his own thesis. And by night, I documented each memory in my diary up until a decade later, when we, all grown-up and tainted with the uncertainties of this world, decided to part ways. For more than a decade, The Boy was my muse.

And now, this. A daily urge to write that cannot be quenched. I realized it was not The Boy that I longed for. It was the madness that I wanted so badly to translate into words.

As I went on talking to that friend, because once I start a topic I cannot simply go astray, he suggested someone. Prince Caspian. The one person who has totally made 2011 already an enchanting year. I tried but it was to no avail. I had no memory of how it felt while looking into his eyes. Piercing? Mesmerizing? Turning my knees into jelly? I wondered what his presence would be like. What his scent was. How his skin felt against mine. How it would feel to spend a day together and part ways in the wee hours of dawn. I picked up a pen and tried to doodle. I ended up writing my name in different fonts.

My friend laughed at what I said. He thinks I am silly. If I am, then how would he call my writer friend who has to cook before he writes? Or the one who listens to The Beatles as he scribbles along? Or, most especially, the one who needs to get laid before he finishes a piece? Lunatics, that would be an apt term for them. Us, I mean.

I won't last a day without writing. I would rot. And without love, I would also decay. I have to write about love to keep me alive.

And with this, my friend offered. "Use me."

I closed my eyes and thought of him. Me and him. Our friendship. Our wondrous, inexplicable, non-obligatory, organic and serendipitous friendship. To my surprise, things came crossing my mind. One after another. Not merely things but words. Sentences. Paragraphs. I smiled.

For months, I struggled with writing. I needed a push, a motivation, someone to call my muse. And now, here is someone I could use. A meantime inspiration. An understudy. A spare tire. No, I haven't found a muse. I call him a whore.

Hello writing.

Dalawang Bote

2010-12-22T10:46:00.000-08:00

Naalala ko na may Blogspot pa pala ako. Nalilito ako sa dami ng online account na nagawa ko.

Ang haba ng araw, andaming ginawa. Pero ayoko pa itong matapos.

Dahil mag-isa ako sa bahay at nakakalungkot, naisipan kong magdala ng kasama pauwi..

Dalawang bote ng GPS. Isang lata ng sisig. At isang pint ng ice cream. Ayos.

Sa totoo lang, mukhang di tumalab ang dalawang bote.

Sa totoo lang, masaya ako. Tahimik ang buhay. Ang daling ngumiti. Ayoko na isipin kung kaya ko pang maging masaya. Dyan ako nadale dati.

Sa totoo lang, sinubukan kong magmahal ulit. Nagmahal ako pero wala akong napala. O baka hindi ko lang sinagad ang pagkakataon.

Sa totoo lang, naiisip ko pa rin siya. Iisa lang siya sa buhay ko. Mula sa simula. Kung hanggang kelan, ewan.

Sa totoo lang, takot ako. Tulad ng isinulat ko sa Tumblr. Paano kung naikot ko na ang mundo, nagawa ko na lahat ng gusto ko.. Pero siya pa rin ang hinahanap ko?

Sa totoo lang, dapat na akong tumahimik. Tumalab ang dalawang bote.

This Can't Be Happening

2010-08-16T20:19:00.001-07:00

As I woke up this morning, my thoughts narrowed down to just one person: you.

At that exact moment, I initially felt a jolt of joy. Remembering you puts a smile on my face at any given moment. But then I suddenly felt sad. It’s the kind of joy I have to keep to myself. Nobody else must know.

Maybe I’m just too vulnerable. Maybe this will fade as quickly as it became clear to me. Maybe months from now, I’ll be looking back at this day and realize how silly or foolish I am. But maybe this feeling, something I haven’t felt in years, might last.

So it was today when you suddenly evolved into my first thought in the morning. It was so elating and confusing at the same time. It was a feeling that was too much to bear with in the morning. I knew there was only one thing I can do - go back to sleep.

Rediscovery

2010-08-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

I don’t write about my confusion, doubts and worries. I don’t want to give them the finality, or let alone some space in my life.
I am always in need of an outlet. There are a lot of things within me that I can’t contain.
Risks are my cup of tea. I feel afraid, yes. But I don’t mind. I’d rather regret something I did than regret something I didn’t do.
There is this free-spirited child within me, one that I have silenced and buried for years. I am a free-spirit. I roll the way I want to.
I am in love with love. Loving is one of my greatest abilities. Coupled with optimism, this ability becomes one of my deadliest weapons.
I miss loving and being loved in return, romantically. There is no synthetic substitute for that.
But even so, I still think it’s too early to love and to share my life completely with someone.
Currently, I am experiencing mild pain, floating anxiety and fleeting happiness. It is a mixture I have dealt with for so many times but still, this feels like the first. And though it brings me so much misery, I actually feel so alive.
Note to self: Choose someone who makes you laugh. Choose someone whom you can talk to, sensibly or non-sensibly. Choose someone who lets you find who you are and loves you for your best and worst versions. Choose someone who has always been and will always be a good friend. :)
I must constantly find the will to pray.

Three Months

2010-07-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

The three-month rule says you have to wait for three months after you broke up before you start dating again. And today, that’s exactly how long it has been. Three whole months.

So there I was at a bar one Monday night, armed with every intention to get drunk with my two male buddies while waiting for the slightest indication that he still wanted to work things out. The week before that was like my journey to and through hell - rejected calls, alibis and sometimes, nothing from him. I gave him an ultimatum - if I didn’t get any call from him that night, it would all be over. Come 12 midnight, I received my goodbye and thank you text message. Just like that.

First month. Cry a river.
I used to think that our break-up would kill me. It was a two-year relationship with my first love and best friend for over ten years. But to my surprise, I was actually fine. The people around me told me I was actually blooming. It was inexplicably strange.

But it wasn’t a walk in the park. Yes, I cried, although my reaction was a bit delayed. A picture of me weeks after the break-up would have shown a thoroughly depressed young lady crying herself to sleep and having only a pillow to console her. Yes, I got bitter. I bashed him with hatred-filled messages for so many times. Yes, I was angry. I called him up crying and asking if this is the happiness he imagined for me. And yes, I cried more when we finally met again after two months; that time, we were no longer lovers and not even friends. And that status hasn’t changed at all.

When we were still together, we had a deal: breaking up will never be an option. But then, I realized how the differences just crawl in, and no matter how much you love each other, you just can’t make each other happy anymore. I thought it was something like our previous break-ups, that we’d eventually be in each other’s arms. At one point, I even told him that I’d rather be miserable with him than be peaceful without him. Crazy, I know.

Second month. Build a bridge.
I think this was the point when I realized that our relationship was on a dead end. Though I no longer grieved, it still felt like I lost a part of me somewhere and I can’t seem to get it back. But then, I started to shift my perspective on other things. I started working as an interviewer and I feel really useful, relaxed and content with that job. It doesn’t even feel like work.

During the course of my relationship with The Boy, I was only able to go out with my friends for a few times. It even came to a point that I didn’t have updates from them at all. But during the second month post break-up, I really made it a point to be with them every single week. I’m glad they were still as wonderful as they were two years ago. Immediately after the break-up, they rushed to my side and never left since then. They knew I needed them more than ever and I’m so grateful. They helped me build the bridge I’m treading on.

But I had to admit, a part of me was trying to rebel. I was out two nights a week, either drinking with friends, staying out til the wee hours of the morning. I even had another cartilage piercing. I was a mess but I was happy. I never felt that loose, or maybe even that free, for the past couple of years.

Third month. Get over it.
A part of me was still affected during the first few weeks. I hated everything that reminded me of him and us. I hated buildings and volkswagens. I hated happy couples. I remembered every single line I wrote for him; I get pissed when I hear the songs he used to sing for me. I was still bitter and depressed.

This was the month when he finally came home. We talked til the wee hours of the morning. Before we even met, my mind was made up - I want to move on.

I thought I’d freeze when he picked me up at home but I was actually fine. We talked, we laughed, he told me stories. And before the night ended, he asked me back. I cried and ranted my heart out. He let me go too easily, I went to and through hell and back just to get myself together, and now he wanted me back. Crap. I finally learned to say no.

From that point onwards, things went on a blur. This is the point where I would share how we both are right now. I could lie and say that we’re civil. But we’re actually less than that. From the night we met, a few events transpired. Unexpectedly, he just gave me more pain to deal with and that made me stand by my decision all the more. It’s all over, I’m moving on.

If there’s one thing I’m actually sad about right now, it’s the fact that we were once wonderful friends and great lovers together and now we can’t stand each other, even just for fifteen minutes. It’s just sad how two people who used to share their lives together aren’t even talking. But I guess it takes time. A lot of time.

So all this brings us to where we are today. The end of the three months rule. I am commemorating this day not because finally, I can date. I honor this day as a form of appreciation for myself. I was strong, I am strong, and being strong was the only option I had. I’m alive, I’m free and I am surrounded with loving friends and family who are all willing to put a smile on my face at any given moment. I love them and I promise to be beside them when it’s their turn to go through hell and back. And I truly appreciate my male buddies. They might be crass and rude on ordinary days but for me, they were the most protective, most supportive and most entertaining all throughout. I am so lucky to have male friends who keep me objective and strong-willed. They are like brothers to me.

And thank you God, for making this process awfully wonderful for me. You gave me a lot of detours, a lot of events that made me wiser yet happier, and a lot of people to recognize in my life. I am still a work in progress and You are incredibly patient with me. I love you.

I can certainly say I know myself better these days. I am not in a hurry to jump into another relationship. I’m taking my time, enjoying the colorful friendships I’ve rekindled. I am stronger, wiser, better. I am moving on.
Cheers! :)

Thursday

2010-07-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

I’ve been reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Now I want to do a lot of things: travel, be with myself, meet new people, try different cuisines, enjoy the beauty of this world. I can relate a lot with how the author felt. I realized that, with the length of time I spent with The Boy, I actually feel like I’m going through a bad divorce without the papers and rights to stuff.

She conquered depression and loneliness through travelling, learning a new language, a new faith, and different cultures. I wonder how I could conquer mine. And as I say that, I’m not even discouraged or anxious. I am excited. :)

***

Dad handled a whole day workshop today with people from the church. And because they’re people from church, he can’t simply light a cigarette and smoke when he wants to. He might get kicked out of his own racket. A few minutes ago, he pulled up on the driveway after the grueling day. He took his things inside the house, went to the garden, pulled out his red pack of cigarettes and smoked. I could hear him say “Aaaahh!”

***

Today I accompanied Mom to her physical therapy session. I initially planned on just sitting there and using free Wifi the entire time or reading a book. But when I got there, I wasn’t able to do any of these.

As soon as Mom settled in her cubicle, I took my seat in the middle of the room where the chairs were. I was surrounded by rehab equipment, therapists and disabled people. I couldn’t describe the feeling I had as I looked around the room. These were people with disabilities - unable to walk, speak, write, and even comprehend - and here they were, working their asses off and paying tons of money just to be fully functional again. I believe it was hard for them and yet there they were, pushing on pedals, lifting weights, tinkering with gadgets. To my surprise, they even had smiles on their faces.

At that moment, I thought to myself. Look at you. Look at them. Who has the world on their shoulders? What a shame. I’ve been having this pity party for myself for months now. What illness do I have? A broken heart? Sheesh. It hurts but somebody else is feeling more hurt than I am. I am blessed, I am happy. From now on, I wil smile at the world with the hopes that it will smile back at me.

On another note, I miss helping strangers.

***

And I want to say something. A part of me is truly and irrevocably happy. :)

Wensday.

2010-07-07T04:07:00.001-07:00

I reblogged a million posts on Tumblr for safekeeping. Sorry.
I’m in a major emotional overhaul. I need a detox. Will visit my friends who are three hours away tomorrow. Or probably head somewhere nobody knows me and stay there for a day.
Been to the beach today though. For the first time, I didn’t get a sunburn! I was with my bosses, that’s why.
I don’t trust myself lately. I don’t trust my instincts and the way I feel. Too vulnerable, too impulsive, too harsh. Staying away from trouble. Can’t fight fire with fire. And so if I say I miss someone, I can’t be so sure. But maybe I do.
Coke is my drug. Bought one litre, poured some on a tall glass, threw in some ice, bottoms up. Now I’m gonna sleep.

Goodnight kids.

Self Portraits

2010-07-06T03:48:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I hated taking photos of myself. And though I had this big camera that took wonderful photos of other things, I rarely directed the camera to myself. Not until someone told me, "If I had your camera, I would have taken a hundred photos of myself in a day."

I didn't do as she told me but I realized, I didn't have pictures of myself for most of the events in my life.

So I turned the lens the other way around and took shots of myself. This is to remind me of who I was in transition. One day, I might look back at this post and realize all the more how much of a dope I am. Haha.

Some of the photos here were taken by my sister. She enjoys photography and she's getting the hang of it. Looking at the spread I made now, I cringe at the sight of my own face. Hahaha.

Still, I have several dream portraits in mind.
1. Bokeh night shot of me and someone special sharing a kiss
2. Semi-nude photo with my long, thick and curly hair covering my chest, for as long as it doesn't look porn-ish
3. A random jeepney moment shot
4. Paparazzi photo of me walking in the street
5. More silhouette shots
6. Of course, me in a wedding dress. Not for a shoot but for the real thing.
7. Underwater photo of me wearing a long flowing black dress
8. A transvestite shot. Me transformed into a man. Goatee, mustache, polo shirt, the works.
9. Inside tunnels piled one on top of the other.
10. Me dancing in the rain.

Wish I could achieve 'em all. Narci much? Not really. Just loving photography. :)

Dead End, Alaala, atbp.

2010-07-04T02:51:00.000-07:00

Hindi ako lasing. Ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko.

So dead end na. Okay na ako dun, chox na yun. Pero andami naming nadaanan na hindi ko makalimutan.

Lugar, tao, kanta, pati mga building - lahat parang bookmark sa mga pahina ng aming nakaraan na dapat ay ~~nakasarado~~ sunog na.

Masakit isipin na ang laki-laki ng investment ko, pinag-hirapan kong lumago at bumunga ang lahat. Isa ito sa mga bagay na alam kong pinaghirapan ko. Ang dami ng ginawa ko para sa amin. Pero nauwi sa wala. Bankrupt. Siguro minsan, it's a matter of luck.

So yun. Andaming nangyayari tuwing may naalala ako. Parang dinukot ang puso ko mula sa aking dibdib, winasak, dinuraan, inapak-apakan at iniwan sa daan para kainin ng mga daga. Parang may bombang isinuksok sa aking ribcage. Saka ko pa nalaman na andun iyon nung sumabog na. Parang nababawasan ang katinuan ko sa bawat alaala na sumasagi sa aking utak.

Sa ngayon, hindi ko kaaway ang taong yun. Kaaway ko ang alaala. Ilang beses mo ba dapat maalala ang isang bagay bago ito tuluyang mabura? O di kaya, gaano katagal mo bang hindi dapat isipin ang isang bagay para hindi na ito sumagi sa iyong isip?

Pero napakapositibo kong tao. Ayaw kong kalabanin ang aking alaala. Gusto kong kaibiganin ito, maging bihasa dito hanggang sa punto na ang alaala ko ay magsisilbing alipin ko at hindi ang kabaliktaran.

Dalawang taong relasyon, isang dekada ng alaala. Kung ako ikaw, sige nga.

Of Detours

2010-07-03T01:44:00.000-07:00

It was midnight last night. I was taking a walk in front of my college campus with my friend. He asked me if I was headed home or if I was going to take a detour.

Detour. Oh how much this word means to me. My life is full of it.

June 1999. I thought I would continue studying at my elementary alma mater when, due to a miscommunication, I had to transfer to a new school.

March 2003. My heart was set on pursuing Biology as a pre-med course when my parents enrolled me beforehand and led me to choose BS Nursing instead.

March 2009. I was pursuing my career as a nurse when my mom got very sick. My career took a detour - I became my Mom’s private nurse for a year.

February 2010. When I finally decided to pass my resumes around, my Grndma got severely ill, giving her barely weeks to live. Another detour - I cared for her til her last breath.

April 2010. My relationship with the only love I knew fell apart. Just when I was trying to put the pieces back together, I encountered something that opened my eyes. Plus, I received a generous job offer.

If I look at what had happened to my life so far, I would think that fate has been screwing me up and pissing me off the whole time. I plan one thing only to be led to an entirely different path. I would probably ditch my life plans and just surrender myself to the wind.

But when I come to think of it, I should actually be thankful. Had I not been a nurse, I would not have known how to care for my loved ones. If I left for another country two years after I graduated, like I planned to, I wouldn’t have been there for my mom and my family during the most difficult times. If I made an absolutely impulsive decision two months ago, I would not have been home to take the call that led me to my current job. Makes sense? Yes, so much.

Detours. They lead us to a different road, one that is away from what we planned to take. At times we think a detour causes delay; at times, it’s actually the shorter route. But more often than not, and no matter how long or how crazy the path is, a detour definitely takes us to where we ought to be.

So last night, I told my friend I was headed home. I got a cab, asked the driver to take me home. Half way there, I realized I should be somewhere else.

Yes, detours exist. But perhaps, we have the choice to take them, make them or go all the way back.

Over The Fence

2010-06-30T06:23:00.000-07:00

The title might give you an impression that this post is about transition, moving onward to another phase in life and exploring possibilities. But it isn’t. It’s simply about jumping over the fence.

The last time I did it was in Digos City, December 2006. I was with my friends Tracy, Wilson and Thomas; all four of us were drunk. We were standing outside Thomas’ house, where we were staying for months, staring at the padlocked gate to which none of us had the key. It was 4 am. We can’t just wake up the caretaker. We were saying silly things and laughing; the neighbors’ dogs were barking nonstop. But we were tired and sleepy and drunk. So we decided to climb the iron gate. It was a sight to behold: four drunk friends pushing and pulling each other over the fence.

After more than three years, I finally had the chance to do it again. To my family, I’ve been known to come home in the wee hours of the morning. But even so, I was sneaky - I always brought keys to all doors and gates with me. But tonight, I made a miss. After work, I headed home only to find that my family went out for dinner. I looked for my keys in my bag only to realize that I left them in my room. It was 7.30 PM and I was too tired to go somewhere else. Hence, I made a decision: over the fence it is. It was a sight to behold: I was in my patent leather Mary Janes, my acid-washed jeans and formal blouse and I hoisted myself up and over the gate and jumped inside the lawn. The funny thing was, while I was at the top and lifting my leg over to the other side, I heard our neighbor yell, “Aaaay matagak!”

I couldn’t explain the adrenaline rush I got on both occasions. I felt excited to stretch my limbs over the iron fence and yet embarassed about the possibility that someone might see me. But then, the moment my feet landed on the ground where I should be, it gave me a feeling that I hit home.

So yes, maybe we encounter locked gates in our lives. At times, there are moments when we can’t wait any longer so we decide to climb. It is a risk to be seen by other people; they might think what you’re doing is crazy, they might think you’d fall and get hurt. But what the heck, whether your friends are there or not, hoist yourself up and get over it. You’ll be closer to where you ought to be.
Alright, this post is not really about jumping over the fence.

Oh How I Love My Job

2010-06-12T05:12:00.001-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, the thesaurus.

Interviewer: Define Thesaurus.

Student: A thesaurus belongs to the species of dinosaurs. It is considered extinct because we no longer see any Thesaurus in the world today. It is also one of the largest kinds of dinosaurs.

Interviewer died.

**

Interviewer: Define Thesaurus.

Student: A thesaurus is an.. uhmm.. organization that creates encyclopedias, dictionaries, magazines and newspapers. They produce these things to help students in school.

Interviewer: Right. Thesaurus Printing Press.

Top 10 Songs For The Scorned Lover

2010-05-24T06:57:00.001-07:00

So there are lots of times when I’d rather listen to music rather than write down or talk about my thoughts. It is truly a comfort to know that someone might have felt the same way as I did. These songs are ready-made statements for my sentiments.

If you’re looking for ballads and tear-jerkers, you won’t find ‘em here. This is my personal collection of angst-filled break up songs.

“Gives You Hell” by All-American Rejects. Blunt, real and a sure-fire hit.
“You Oughtta Know” by Alanis Morrisette. On full blast while cleaning up the mess. :)
“Don’t Speak” by No Doubt. I first heard this song when I was in fourth grade and I still love it.
“The Brilliant Dance” by Dashboard Confessional. So you bury all your lover’s clothes and burn the letters lover wrote but it doesn’t make any better. ‘Nuf said.
“Good F*cking Bye” and “Radio” by Alkaline Trio. Matt Skiba sounds like a veteran of break-ups. Though both songs are easy to listen to, they’re actually filled with so much angst. And I love em. Haha.
“Best I Ever Had” by Vertical Horizon. It’s not so bad, you’re just the best I ever had. I remember a male friend who sings this everytime he gets dumped. Each ex was the best for him. LOL. :|
“Love Hurts” by Incubus. But sometimes it’s a good hurt and it feels like I’m alive. Songs like this will get you by.
“Tea and Sympathy” by Jars of Clay. For the immediate post break-up moment.
“The Fight Is Over” by Urbandub. Gave all this time just to be let down.
“Stitches and Burns” by Fra Lippo Lippi. A poetic masterpiece.

Runners up: Die MF Die by Dope, Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake, I Don’t Love You by MCR. :D

DABDA ii

2010-05-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

I'm one pathetic monster.

Being in bed is hell. Waking and sleeping is too arduous for me; my mind can't seem to stop having memory marathons. I sleep late, I wake up late.

I went out alone. My first soloflight drinking experience. Drinking alone is fun, with a hint of sarcasm.

I am not myself. I am useless. I'd rather go out than stay at home. Idle moments bore holes into my heart.

Emo. That's who I am. Can I save myself from all of this?

I know I need to divert my attention but I can't.

I'm not crying every night. I'm not drunk all week. I am just plain sad. I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want.

It's not good for me to be alone during this times. And yet I am.

All of these things seem to say one thing. Hello depression.

It's been a month since we broke up. I'm like a car stuck in mud and my engines are roaring, almost on the brink of exhaustion. I want all of the drama to stop.

I just want to bounce back. Be productive. Smile again.

I know I'm on my way there.

Summer Nostalgia

2010-05-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to share this album last March. But hey, I think photographs tend to hold so much memory as they age.

"Another sun-soaked season fades away.."

"You have stolen my heart.."

"Launched a thousand ships in my heart so easily.."

"Walking away as the sky fades to gray."

Welcoming new seasons and reasons to celebrate.

Cheers to the joy of friendship.

Your college friends know who you are. But highschool friends will always know why.

I want more shooots! :)

Random i

2010-05-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

I didn't even like the song 'til I heard you sing it. It was a trap. I know years from now, I'll feel a wave of nostalgia whenever I hear that song.

They were just poetic words set to slow music. Altogether, these words suddenly formed the soundtrack of my life.

But you're wrong. I now remember you with every love song I hear.

I never thought ballads could still penetrate my subconscious.

You make every love song matter.

Still.

2010-05-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

Contemplating.

Discerning.

Wondering.

Dreaming.

Weighing.

Loving.

Praying.

STILL.

Voted!

2010-05-10T01:52:00.000-07:00

This day holds a historical event in the Philippines - the first ever automated elections. Even if I was down with colds, cough and fever, I coerced myself to get up, go out there, and cast my vote.

I was watching TV in the morning. The news revealed nothing but negativity - malfunctions here, anomalies there, etc. I thought I was gonna wait for four hours before I could vote.

My bro and I went to the precinct with our gear - my camera, a bottle of water, and my two cellphones. Surprisingly, when we got there, there was no line for our polling precinct. We waited for a few seconds then we were ushered in. Ten minutes later, I was done shading. I inserted the ballot into the machine that looked like a trash bin but I hope it isn't so. Then the guy marked my nail with an indellible ink. Done.

While shading, I remember being conscious of my shading style. Board exams require me to shade as dark as I can. This time, I shaded lightly, I was afraid the ink would go through the other side of the ballot. And I kept counting my senators over and over again. Just being sure. :)

It's my first time to vote and I'm actually excited. Despite the insanity all over the Philippines, I realized I'm actually hopeful of how my vote would affect the nation in the coming years.

Many years from now, when automated elections would be obsolete, I hope I might live to tell the story of this day.

DABDA

2010-05-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

For weeks I thought I was doing fine. Night-out here, work there, meet-ups here and there. I was busy. But I breathed.

And then something happened that made me hold my breath.

I was sharing photos with a friend when I saw old photos. Of us. You can call me a masochist, but yeah. I browsed through each and every photo we had for the last two years. The end result? I cried. Hot tears came flowing down my face.

My mind was on a rut. I thought I was okay. I thought I had it all under control.

I remembered something. DABDA. The past three weeks was a huge D - Denial.

I cried endlessly. I thought of how happy we both were, how we enjoyed each other's company, how we shared our lives together. How could something so beautiful just end so sudden? What went wrong? To think that I imagined and wished to spend the rest of my life with him. But then, he's not the one. So what now?Sift through the billions of people in the world?

Now, I think I'm past the Denial stage. I'm moving on to Anger. Oh how I hate him today. It's strange how I could love someone so much and suddenly be this angry and full of hatred. But I do miss him. His company, our laughs, the good times, who I was with him.

I've seen all this before, went through all this. And I'm determined to get better in time.

DABDA. Please let me jump to the last A.

I jumped.

2010-05-09T03:00:00.000-07:00

Into a pool of depression, pity and gloom. Kinda gooey down here.

**

EDSA at Kalayaan

2010-05-05T05:12:00.000-07:00

Kausap ko ang estudyante ko kanina. Pinag-uusapan namin ang isang historical landmark na napuntahan niya sa Maynila - ang EDSA Shrine. Sabi niya, nung panahon ng EDSA revolution, walang kalayaan ang mga tao na gawin ang maraming bagay. Sinabi niya rin na wala rin daw "freedom of depressed".

Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Maganda yun ah. Freedom of Depressed.

Sa panahong talamak ang ka-emo-han at ka-OA-han sa mundo, malamang dapat nating isulong ang kalayaan ng mga taong depressed. Sakop nito ang mga privilege ng mga taong tinamaan ng matinding depresyon sa kanilang buhay.

Matindi ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon pero hindi ko masabi kung depression nga ba ito. Alam ko na pagdepressed ako, marami akong karapatan. Tulad ng..

1. Maglasing araw-araw sa loob ng isang buwan. Kilalanin ang lahat ng cocktail na nakalista sa menu.
2. Lumamon ng lahat ng pagkaing gusto ko. Kulang nalang, humilata sa kama at abangan ang stroke.
3. O di kaya, kalimutan na kailangan ng katawan ko ang pagkain. Gawing idol si Karen Carpenter.
4. Matulog buong araw. Aakalain ng mga kasama ko sa bahay na na-stroke na nga ako.
5. Makinig labsongs umaga hanggang gabi. Masokista, sobra.
6. Magpost ng status sa FB maya't maya, daig pa ang adbertays ni Villar sa TV.
7. Isubsob ang sarili sa trabaho. Ultimo paglilinis ng banyo sa opisina, feel kong gawin.
8. Pumunta sa mataong lugar at tumunganga mag-isa.
9. Umiyak habang kumakain ng ice cream.
10. Magpa-manicure at pedicure linggo-linggo.

Para sa akin, ito ang mga bagay na sakop ng Freedom of Depressed dahil ginawa ko ang lahat ng ito minsan sa aking buhay. Sa ngayon, ang nagagawa ko pa lamang ay ang number 8. Hindi naman ako gaanong tumunganga. Nagpa-cute lang ng konti sa mga lalake sa kabilang la mesa at umuwi agad ng kinilabutan na. Siguro depressed ako, siguro hindi. Siguro natutunan ko na ang mga pinaka-epektibong paraan upang magmukhang normal kahit malungkot.

Freedom of Depressed. Alam kong barok pakinggan at alam kong dapat kong pinagtawanan ang estudyante ko kanina. Subalit nakaisip ako ng isang mahalagang aral. Kung karapatan ng tao na maging masaya, may karapatan din siyang makaramdam ng lungkot at maghanap ng paraan upang maibsan ito, basta't wala siyang naapakan o nasasaktang iba.

Nagtatagalog ako kasi napagod ako sa kaka-ingles buong hapon.

Bow.

Day One

2010-05-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

Day One is all about the jitters and the excitement and the two-hour thrill in preparation for the big day. Today is my day one.

I was invited by my IELTS review center to join their team. Without thinking twice, I said yes. And today was the first day of my stint as an interviewer.

I was once on the receiving end of the mental torture you get when reviewing for the IELTS. Today, it felt quite good to be on the other end haha.

The first student I interviewed was jittery. And so was I.

Nikka: Good afternoon.
Boy: Good afternoon Ma'am.
Nikka: Have a seat.
Boy: (takes his seat)
Nikka: Good afternoon.
Boy: Good afternoon Ma'am.

Sheesh. But as the hours went by, I realized how I shouldn't be the chicken in that scene. So I picked up the pace and tried to enjoy the afternoon. It was nice to hear their opinions and the varying ways they answer.

It's only my first day and I already had lots of fun. Yes, I admit, my students had bloopers and my evil twin was laughing the whole time but I'll save these stories for drinking sessions and chillax paloozas. But I'll take it as my responsibility to help and counsel the students; I know how much everybody wants to be on greener pastures for a change.

I know it's only day one. But I like the job so much that I hope to keep it for the longest time possible. Day One is for dipping my toes in the water and I think the water is just right.

Thank you Lord. You are amazing.

Cheers!

Oh The Memories :)

2010-05-03T00:33:00.000-07:00

Here are recent photos that I absolutely adore. :)

This was taken weeks ago, after the shoot for the latest set. Takmu, Nikki and me just fooling around. Nikki is in her best element! Bwahaha.

Last April 29. 2010, Mama celebrated her 50th birthday. And since my friends lived in the neighboring towns, I invited them to come over. This is Japoy, my friend's bro. I like this photo cos I never knew I could laugh that hard again! :)

These are some of my most amazing friends. Pepito, Esme, Mamu and Belle. A lot of people are still missing in this pic: Gian, Beri, Gideon and Eking. Hopefully we could all get together one day. :) Seeing them makes me realize how much I missed out on in the past couple of years.

These were the youngest and noisiest and hungriest guests on my Mom's birthday. Love love love. :) The kid on the photo is my cousin Allistair. He knows too much about dinosaurs.

See how much she has grown! :) This is Nia trying to be a dalaga by imitating what I'm doing. She got her lips too red after this shot.

I'm having a blast and these photos aren't enough to prove it. Life is good :)

Cheers! :)

On Repeat

2010-04-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

Songs that tickle my neurons.

Perfectly Lonely (John Mayer) This is SO me.
Hey Soul Sister (Train) Love the happy beat.
Hands Down ( Dashboard Confessional) The words are epic.
Tattooed on My Mind (D'Sound) I didn't know the meaning of this song til I felt it for myself.
Five Candles (Jars of Clay) "I would jump if I knew you'd catch me." Exactly.
Sitting, Wishing, Waiting (Jack Johnson) There you go.
Perfect Day (Collective Soul) My feel-good morning song. :)

I got a feeling there'll be more in the coming days.

--

Lord, thank you for letting this happen. All of this. I'm embracing this twisted life with full acceptance and enthusiasm. Amen. :)

--

I'm thrilled to start working. VERY thrilled! :D

I Must Be Sick

2010-04-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

Suddenly my life is not my own. I'm a zombie.

How did this happen? A week ago, I was completely the opposite of who I am now. It's like fate turned a switch on or moved a few things around. It's like gates have been opened; whether it's to my favor or not, time will tell. Funny how friends see positive changes in me, changes I can't even see for myself.

I haven't listened to mushy songs for ages. Now it's both a hobby and a torment that I endure.

I smile effortlessly. I find so much peace in being with myself and you on my thoughts.

I'm waging a war against emotion and reason. A single hint of you and I lose the battle each time.

Clinging on the cliff. Afraid to fall. Definite that the ground is barren beneath. But hoping that maybe, just maybe, I could fly.

I can't write enough. I can't write everything. I can't write simply because my mind plays reruns that are quicker than my thoughts. I can't write because I don't want to express; I want to keep it to myself and dissolve it within. Maybe it will all go away. Maybe I will be cured.

Awesome Lines

2010-04-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

From one of my all-time favorite bands, Dashboard Confessional.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I'd die happy."

And another one from Snow Patrol.

If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

A story in just a few words.

LEGEN.. wait for it.. DARY

2010-04-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

My night out with the boys last night was epic.
Legendary.
Momentous. :)

I hate this part right here.

2010-04-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

This morning I deleted my Facebook account to avoid the sudden urge to publicize my personal life. And now, to save me from posting my entire misery on my twitter account, I decided to write.

I hate this part right here.

I'm going through a rough patch. That certain part in your life when you feel like everything isn't going as planned, isn't as great as they should be, isn't as wonderful as others have it. It's this point where all aspects of my life are down. I've got the blues. Crying won't help, writing won't help, drinking won't help, talking won't help. I think I'm practically empty-handed; the only one I have left is God.

I think the heaviest and sappiest part of this bluesy feeling is the fact that my long distance relationship is on the rocks. No, boulders. We rarely talk. We exchange messages only two times a day, compared to the hundreds of messages we exchange all the time. I don't know what's going on with his life and I doubt if he knows what I'm crawling through. Everything is truly blurry. I've been calling him up endlessly since ten pm last night and he has no utter intention of picking up the phone. I've evolved into this purple pathetic monster.

Part of me wants to go out and make a mess out of myself. Part of me just wants to sit and sulk, wait for the call or message that won't seem to arrive.

I used to wonder what would happen in case I stop believing. I guess this is it. I know the place where I am now. It's called the lowest low.

"But I believe in you so much,
I could die from the words that you say.
I'm chasing the ghost of a good thing."

I never thought I would find myself in this place again. I thought I already graduated from insane events like this. And here I am again. It sucks.

Dear You

2010-03-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

12.20 AM, 28 March 2010

Dear You,

I'll try to make this less boring as possible because pretty much, nothing has changed.. I'm still nuts about you. :)

But I have a confession to make. Two years ago, I had no idea I was already committed. All I knew was you were making me so happy, I didn't want it to change or to end. A month from that day, you brought me with flowers with a huge grin on your face. I was indeed surprised. And happier than ever. I think there's a word for it. Bliss.

In case it slipped off your mind, I am still thankful for each day that I have and had you in my life. When we first met in that bleak classroom way back in first year highschool, you entered my life as my bestfriend. Then you evolved into this guy who broke my heart, and despite its brokenness, it still throbbed for you. Though I was foolish and really young that time, I think I learned a huge fraction of what I needed to know about love. You were the person I tried to forget. And when I eventually did, you found your way back again. Looking back, I know I never forgot you since the day we met. You are my first love. :)

Yes, things did not come easy for both of us. There were a million reasons that kept us separated. But the way I see it now, it served us well. I am glad I've been sharing this wonderful relationship with you, at this time when we both have grown wiser, closer, stronger and more mature. Funny how we tried to push our luck when in the end, it was God's perfect timing who took charge.

Today, we are in a whole new level in our love. The 24th floor. We have been blessed with such a strong foundation, so strong that we can reach new heights. My only wish today is to be able to see you and hold you, even for just a second. But that would be bitin, make it one whole day nalang please? :(

With my whole heart, I wanna thank you for being you. You take care of me so well and so unconditionally. You always held my hand or wiped my tears away, being the huge crybaby that I am. Now that we're miles apart, I am amazed at how you remain loving and comforting, supportive, inspiring and simply wonderful. You aren't the perfect man, and I ain't the perfect lady too, but I know you are just enough for me. Just right.Thank you for taking the risks for me and with me. Thank you for being the proof when they said that love knows no distance. Thank you for being my happy thought, my north star.

I love our memories. Of playing cards in the park or running away from our small driving accident. Of pigging out on our favorite dishes or belting out songs in the videokehan. Or when I have your hand in mine, or my head on your shoulder, and even hearing your heart beat through your shirt. We had amazing memories.

I wanna assure you, I'm still keeping my promise and I haven't faltered, not even for a day. You are still and have always been the first and the last thought of every day. You are in my prayers and in my heart. Don't worry too much about me. I'm doing great, still ma-diskarte like you always knew me. But yes, I admit, it sucks sometimes. I hate seeing happy couples or our favorite places. And yet, I am comforted by the thought that before we know it, we're beside each other again.

So I apologize for what happened, two years ago. I had no idea we were already "official".

But many days and years before that, I know I've always loved you all along. I miss you so much and our growth despite the distance between us just makes me love you more. I love you, more than ever.

Happy Second Anniversary. ♥

What Happened?

2010-03-25T03:10:00.000-07:00

Updates, updates. A way to remind myself that things happen in my life. :p

1. My sister graduated from highschool last Monday! After listening to the speaker read 500 plus names the whole morning, the whole ceremony was finally over. Geez. As usual, I played "personal photographer" for her that day.

2. I'm having a blast maintaining our ukay-ukay online shop! Not because I'm making my own money but because it's such a happy business. I always get excited when my friend Janine and I go on our ukay trips. Ukay-ukay is truly fab, chic and cheap clothing without compromising your budget! We have great plans for the shop and we are keeping our fingers crossed. For now, we're just working our asses of while still being thankful. And before I forget, the shop is http://ohmyukayukay.multiply.com. ♥

3. Because I hate it when my hair sticks to my wet nape on those dreary hot afternoons, I had my hair trimmed. I got tired of the taong grasa look so I visited my favorite salon and had a fifteen-minute haircut. Loved it. :)

It's still long anyway.

4. One of this week's highlights would have to be our family lunch at Marco Polo. I wish I could tell you how much I ate that day! But they really have the best buffet in the city.

I certainly cannot have enough sushi. This was not the last plate yet. :p

5. And ah yes, photography. It's all so sisterly. :)

See, things happen. Hooray. :)

So I haven't written anything in a while.

2010-03-17T05:24:00.001-07:00

And I have so many things to say.

I know what I want to do but I don’t do it. But right now, I’m doing what I love. Next, I wanna see if I can love what I’m doing. Confusing? Basta.

I appreciate my “Big Sister-liness” nowadays. For two weeks, I’ve been manning the house with my two siblings in it. And it’s fun.

I took my sister to Times Beach the other day. And of all the things that could ever happen in a million years, some random guy came up to me and started talking! To my surprise, he was actually good-looking and neat and maputi! I was wondering, where were you when I was announcing to the whole world that I was available? But naaaaahhh.

Long distance relationships require the hardest work. No effort, no relationship. If you don’t dial that number, you move a kilometer further apart. But he makes it a bit easier for me. I’m stopping myself from swooning and being cheesy, but yes, he gives me so much assurance.

While waiting for a jeepney on my way home, I saw a mini-cooper. A shiny yellow one. ‘66 Austin Cooper. Two-door. Leather seats and all. I fell in love. I want one sooo badly. :|

Jeepney rides are fun. You don’t know what you’ll come across on your way home. The different people you sit beside with. The cars you see on the road. I felt like a kindergarten when I rode the jeep today. The attraction of the day was a guy riding a bike, with a speaker playing “budots” music strapped on his back.

Love. Peace. Happiness. I’m having heaps of all three today. Thank you Lord. :)

Hello Summer!

2010-02-27T00:37:00.000-08:00

Last thursday, I finally had a well-deserved time out with my friends. We love spur-of-the-moment plans, which is why the whole trip was planned just the night before. I wasn't even planning to come, not until Thursday morning. Good thing I changed my mind!

When my friends and I go out on beach trips like this, we usually spend the first few hours eating, then the next few hours laughing, and the next few more hours swimming and laughing and camwhoring. Beach trips with them are always insane! :)

Sun, sand, sea, super crazy people = love. I'm happily burnt but who cares, nobody sees my maroon-colored back anyway! Can't wait for our next trip!

Sunset Love

2010-02-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

Late one afternoon, my family and I took a hike on the hill where my Grandma was buried weeks ago. Our attention was caught by this majestic scene.

There is truly something about sunsets. It’s like a daily show - sometimes we miss it, sometimes it isn't on schedule, sometimes it gets “cancelled”. But nonetheless, watching the Director unfold His latest masterpiece — priceless.

For the longest time now, I’ve been wanting to capture a full round sun sinking down the horizon. When, where, how? No idea. :)

Call me an emo or a freak, but yeah, I'm a sucker for those orange and yellow hues on the sky. It makes me think of the day that has passed by and the days to come, where I wanna be, who I want to be with, what I want to do. It's like talking to God. It's a breath-taking moment that you can't spoil with gossip or chit-chat. It's such a beauty.

Groupie Days

2010-02-17T00:08:00.000-08:00

This morning, I watched the movie Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist at HBO. From the moment it started, I knew it was a teenie-bopper kind of movie. I don't wanna spoil the story but it certainly circled on band gigs, good music and of course finding love amidst all that.

While watching it, I was reminded of my days as a groupie back in college. Ahh those days. Picking up my friends on a Saturday night to watch a gig, sneaking to the backstage and prodding each other to ask a band member if we could get a picture.

I remembered driving after a band's van til it reached the hotel. Or sneaking through the crowd of drunkards just to take a good shot. And even throwing ice cubes in the air once the crowd of drunkards got too wild. And I clearly remember my shaking knees when I saw Ira Cruz for the first time - a real life Adonis smoking and downing a bottle of beer in front of me - aahh it was so surreal for me that I wasn't even able to say a single word. (The second time I met Ira, I was able to muster enough courage to have a picture with him. That fraction of a second beside him made me want to take him home and introduce him to my mother.) All the yelling, screaming and drooling while the band performs. And singing along every song they play. Oh geez.

And I must not fail to mention the dudes watching the gig. Since we girls knew that these band members were simply unreachable, we often shifted our attention to the dudes around. We girls wanted the same kind of guy - scruffy, tough, unshaved, wearing a black or gray shirt and a sucker for the kind of music we loved. No better place to look for someone like that. Amidst the gigs were our love affairs that never really happened. Love affairs that were just based on locking gazes and smiling at each other but never really having anything beyond that.

And of course, we would hang out at McDonald's or a coffee shop afterwards, scan the pictures we took and giggle about the whole night. Aaah groupie nights.

I wasn't really a pure-blood groupie; I was even too shy to rub elbows with vocalists and lead guitarists. And I've known girls who would really go to the distance, book a flight to where the band's next gig would be. Me and my girls were semi-groupies I suppose. But those days eventually came to an end as we were finishing college.

My groupie days were a colorful strain. Thinking about it now makes me feel a bit awkward - I actually chased men I didn't even have a personal connection with! But then typing this makes me smile. Knowing that I once lived according to whims, infatuations and fleeting feelings gives me the right to be a bit serious on life.

Passing by Gensan the other day, I saw this huge poster of Bamboo with the greek god himself Ira Cruz on the background. Aaah, those were the days. :)

Of Life and Death

2010-02-10T02:40:00.000-08:00

Once again, life slapped me with some unexpected stuff.

I just got home from my two-week stint as a private duty nurse for my grandmother, my dad's mom. She had diabetes, gout, renal failure. To cut the long and tormenting story short, Lola passed away last Saturday, February 6, 2010 at the age of 72.

Weeks ago, my Lola was admitted in the hospital. The doctor already informed our family that Lola can't stay with us for so long; her kidneys have refused to respond to treatment. She was sent home and from there, we took charge of her daily needs. Once again, the Big Man Upstairs called me to perform some nurse-related responsibilities.

Like most situations, the whole ordeal was bittersweet. I had to get up as early as 4:30 in the morning, feed her through a feeding tube, crush her medicines, bathe her, change her position every now and then. When she had intense tummy ache because her stomach stopped functioning, Lola wanted someone to be by her side most of the time. It was hard to see her suffer at her age. But it was harder to see the "life" in her diminish day by day.

The sweet part was getting to spend time with her. As with every life form sent here on earth, there is always a limit. It feels very different to actually know for certain that your loved one is approaching the limit. During her last few days, Lola and I had talks on the after-life; she told me she lived a happy life and she was ready. I cannot forget hearing her say "Don't let others make a decision that you can do for yourself." She reached for my hand most of the time. And she speaks to me in English, making me smile almost all the time.

I have waited for so many things in my life. But it was only then I learned that anticipated death is the most painful thing to wait for. A part of me wanted death to come right away, just so Lola won't be in too much pain. And there was a greater part of me wished she would stay longer. But then I realized that waiting for death, and with the other things in life, won't be too much of a burden for as long as you engage in something worthwhile during the wait. Right now, I feel happy for being granted with the chance to take care of her until her last breath.

I prayed that her last breath would come like a thief in the night - without announcement. And possibly, without any struggle. But Lola fought til the very end, fighting and squeezing the very last drop of her energy. It was a painful scene to witness; the whole room was spinning as relatives embraced each other in tears. I was beside Lola, watching her chest rise or fall for the last time but it did not happen. It was my first encounter with the death of a loved one. My medical mindset was on, I did the post-mortem care - cleaned her up, removed her feeding tube, positioned her properly.

My friends and loved ones know how much of a crybaby I am. But oddly, I haven't shed a single tear since that moment. Of course I feel sad, thinking I won't be able to see or talk to her from then on. But still, no tears. I can't say I've been hardened to the core. And I can't say that reality didn't sink in yet. But I think it's because my medical or logical mindset is on; I wanted things to be accomplished without paying attention to my emotions. And most probably, I feel rather happy; my mind is focused on her freedom from pain and disability.

Last night, I glanced at Lola in the casket. My cousin Jet and I were exchanging thoughts on life and death. We agreed on the same thing - Death is death. It sucks the life out of you. You'll never look vibrant and happy as ever when it comes. And it made me think how life would be such a waste if we didn't live it to the fullest. God gave us the gift of life, injected a purpose into each one and imposed a limit on it. What a wonderful thing life truly is.

I thank God and Lola for redirecting me to the finer things in life. I thank Lola for opening her arms to me and for not rejecting the care I gave her til her last breath. Thank you Lola Aurora for being my Lola.

Hello Goodbye.

2010-01-27T07:21:00.000-08:00

Hello again. I've been gone for a week or so. I had to focus on some of the finer things in life. Naks.

Goodbye?

So yes, The Boy left for Manila yesterday. A week ago, I was anticipating his departure with a great measure of confidence and a little misery. We had this agreement that he would only tell me his departure date two days prior to it. I wanted it that way and I didn't regret asking him to do that. We ended up having a great time before he left. We went to our favorite places in the city and even visited a few places we always wanted to go too. I made it a point to visit their home before they left. Funny how even his mom refused to drop hints on their departure date, since his folks went to Manila with him.

Our last date together was heavy. We just spent time listening to a live band at our favorite spot in MTS. When we took a walk round the park, it dawned to us that it will take a long time for us to be that way again. The next thing we knew, tears were welling up in our eyes. The drive home was the worst part. I almost wanted the car to run at only 10 kph. Haha. Poor emo kids. :p

I didn't take him to the airport like most girlfriends do. Being such a crybaby that I truly am, I didn't want his folks to see my puffy eyes and red nose. Plus, I'm a sucker for last looks. When I hear a person's name, my mind goes back to the last time I saw him. And I'm happy he left me with a last look that doesn't tear me apart.

Why am I all sappy and mushy when he's there for official business? Wala lang. Haha. But seriously, it's just so new for me. The past year, The Boy has been all out in making his presence felt and in making it a point that he will be missed. And he succeeded.

Hello

So I'm now saying hello to an all-new chapter in our decade-old telenobela. I must say it's something new, and probably the only thing we haven't gone thru yet.

And hello to LDR too. Thank God for unlimited calls and MMS. Pretty soon, I'll be thanking Skype as well.

I hate being in situations that move my emotions; I get the urge to write about them, making me seem like a lovesick puppy.And so to stop me from growing into a lonesome full-grown dog, I bought a journal. Hello pen writing. No more juicy blog posts. Okay maybe a few here and there. Haha.

"Be like the autumn leaves - ready for change." - From somewhere.

Anywaaaaaay, it's all good. :)

Just Saying.

2010-01-18T04:10:00.000-08:00

He doesn't let go of my hand when he's driving, even when he changes gears.

He's a keeper. He has this infinite thread of patience which is totally the opposite of my short-fused temper. He doesn't switch opinions just so he could please anyone. He sees people as people, and not as workers, employees, etc. Praying is important for him. And I swear he heard me snore last night and he just laughed it off. So many things show me that he is truly a keeper.

Though we went out for countless dates in the past ten years of knowing each other, I still get jittery and nervous when he picks me up at home and I still blush, sigh and have that adrenalin rush by the time the date is over.

I'm happy. Just saying. :)

Salumay Again

2010-01-17T19:30:00.000-08:00

Salumay is one of the small towns in Marilog. The first time I went there, I immediately fell in love with the simplicity of the place plus the breezy climate. Getting used to the hot climate in the city makes me ignorante when it comes to places like Marilog. During my college days, my classmates and I spent our community nursing rotation at the Salumay Health Center. I can't forgot how we were tasked to go from one house to another to tell the families about our free medicines, only to find out that most houses are a hundred meters apart from each other. Thank God for the cold climate, we weren't sweating by the time we finished the task.

Last Saturday, I had the chance to relive the Salumay moments. I went with the medical team of our church to Salumay. This medical team is one that I have always joined for years now. Their outreach programs have exposed me to so many things. Way way back, I even had the chance to assist in circumcision even if I was only a freshman nursing student. This time, we went there to conduct a free clinic for kids and distribute medicines without charge. Before we left, we were a bit anxious because we were only six in the team - two doctors, two nurses and two volunteers. But to our delight, over 200 kids received medical assistance from our small team that day, to think that we only conducted the program for two hours! Yeeeey! :)

After the program, we were served with a very hearty lunch by the pastor's family. I discovered that the best dish to eat in a cool place like Marilog was Tinolang Native Chicken! It was so yummy that I didn't want to stop eating nor leave the place!

Salumay is indeed one of the places that holds a soft and "cool" spot in my heart. On that note, I leave you with the only photo I was able to take that day. This picture truly contains the good memories that Marilog brings.

2009 / 2010

2010-01-14T17:56:00.000-08:00

Delayed Farewell Address

Last year was such a blast.

Sure, I didn’t get a promotion or a salary raise. Heck, I didn’t have a job. I didn’t travel round the world or to another country at the very least. I didn’t even party everyday. Won the lottery? No. But it was a life-changing and pivotal year for me.

So what did I do? I grew closer to my mother. I looked after my siblings as if they were my own kids. I ran the household while my Dad worked hard in another country. I missed my friends, and this made our reunions sweeter and happier. I learned to love someone maturely and I am so blessed to have been loved greatly in return. I did things that I haven’t done before on a daily basis – cook, clean, wash clothes, teach Mama how to read and write. And through it all, I was guided and supported by my loved ones and the Big Man Upstairs.

Last year, I grew up. Tumanda ako ng sampung taon. And I am happy and very excited for what is to come.

To 2009, I give to you my heartfelt THANK YOU. Hello, 2010.

My New Year's Resolutions
(For many years, I've been writing the same set of resolutions only to feel disappointed by the end of the year! So screw the old ones, here's my new list.)

1. I will not curse while driving.
2. I will not remove my shoes during those random moments in public. This was inspired by an incident when I saw a pretty girl taking off her shoes while eating at Pizza Hut!
3. I will not be mean to salesladies, cashiers, neighbors. I have a short fuse, sorry.
4. I will visit a new place.
5. I will build more memories with old friends.
6. I will pray, as many times as I can, in a day.
7. I will make it a point to look good or at least presentable when I go out.
8. I will pay more attention to my health, by cutting down on sweets and lamang-loob, sleeping and rising early, and exercising.
9. I will read more books and watch more movies.
10. I will make new friends.
11. I will invest on something.
12. I will keep on writing!

I shall refer to this list a year later and see how I did.

Goodluck!

I'm Not Dead Yet

2010-01-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm very much alive AND living! :)

When the year 2009 came, I made meticulous plans on each and every quarter of the year; especially where to go and what to do. But then, my plans were taken to a sudden detour. And there I learned that some things are really far from our locus of control.

So this beautiful year of 2010, I can't say I did not make any plans. I do have a set of things that I need and want to do but I'm not rushing into them. While others are probably hammering or pruning themselves to the pattern of their ideals, here I am, humming as I walk and living each day five minutes at a time.

I'm facing 2010 with much prayers and spontaneity. And God has started to give me little surprises.

1. As of the first week of 2010, my mom was able to walk alone, wash the dishes, cook a little (dishes that require shorter prep time), converse, sing, dance, change clothes on her own and manage her sari-sari store at the farm! And because she is starting to feel her independence, she gave me the "go signal" to start looking for work. Yey! :)

2. Mama, Papa and I had a trip to Valencia, Bukidnon. But before that, I told myself that this year, I must set foot on a new place. And yes, by the first freshest week of the year, we went to the semi-rural semi-urban city of Valencia!

The road going to Valencia was smooth and hassle-free. The view was just spectacular. Click, click, click.

This was at Salumay, Marilog. The earth was sandwiched between heavens. The world is just awesome!

By the time we reached Valencia, Papa finished his transactions first. Then, we went to a resto near the city's oval. To my delight, there was a marching band contest! And of course, the number one hit was "Nobody."

And I noticed there were many pretty girls and cute guys. So this is where God kept the good-looking ones!

On the way home, we stopped by Buda to buy some vegetables. Papa bought a huge plastic bag filled with veggies for only PhP 175.00!

3. More surprises! My aunt, uncle and cousins came over to visit. I love it when they're here. Our conversations are always insightful and motivating. Plus we get to eat out almost every meal! Haha!

4. I started going out again. I've been meeting up with some of my friends for a top secret project hahaha.

5. And of course, dates with the boy. The other night, we crammed up all the occasions that couples should spend together but we didn't - Christmas, Monthsary, New Year! So we had dinner at Picobello, videoke at Rizal, walked around People's Park and sat under our favorite tree and watched the stars!

And because of all of these, I am very much excited for the next 360+ days to come! Dear Lord, You are beyond amazing! :)

CHEERS!!

Finally!

2010-01-07T05:56:00.000-08:00

Hah! Thank God I can now begin blabbing.

My three-week stay in Tupi has been more productive than ever. I started a small business with which my investment tripled after the holidays. I helped out in the resort, cooked meals for my family, ran errands, and of course, took a lot of photos!

Last December 14, the town held a Kariton Festival, where farmers clothe their carabaos, decorate their carts and have a parade around Tupi. Two days later, there was a Torch Parade where hundreds of students, teachers and government officials walked around town while carrying torches. The local electricity was shut off just for that purpose. Cool!

While I was there, I was surprised to have lots of spare time no matter how busy I was during the day. Guess that's how life is without facebook. Haha. And because of that, I decided to embark on a 365 project. Tenteneneeen!

For three hundred sixty-five days, I am supposed to take one good photo for each day. My goal is discover more techniques and to get more acquainted with my Oly. So here are the photos that I took during the first few days of January.

January 1, 2010. Taken at our backyard. Thanks to my dad's newly installed cyclone wires.

January 2, 2010. The stores in the market were closed.

January 3. All Greened Up. We discovered our neighbors fishing in one of our ponds. Ah-hah!

January 4. Waiting for something or someone to come back drama.

January 5. I get fascinated with silhouettes very easily.

For January 6 and 7, I still have to rummage through the many photos I took. Naks naman. Hahaha.

In other news, Mama, Papa and I went on a roadtrip to Bukidnon today. Yeeey. That explains why I'm not making any sense as I write! Haha! Since I abused my camera for the entire day, the batteries are all drained and so am I. It's only 10 pm but I think I'm gonna turn in early.

Goodnight.

2010

2010-01-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

I'm home!!!

Much as I want to get started blabbing about mundane things, I still got sooooo many things to do online. Gaaah.

I'll be back.

Binukid

2009-12-11T22:28:00.000-08:00

Even in the modern world we have today, it's funny how lots of belief and folklore are still able to survive amidst technology. It was only today that I realized how I'm surrounded with these existing folklore.

Earlier, I was busy preparing lunch when my dad asked me to go to the poolside. There, a ten year-old boy was drenched and rolling on the grass. When I asked what happened, his companions said that he drowned. It took a while before someone saw him and rescued him. He was told by his companions to lie face down on the ground for a few minutes then roll over. I told the boy to stand up and he was doing fine - no difficulty of breathing, no palor.

For days now, my baby cousin Jap has been crying incessantly. He keeps on wailing and screaming for apparently no reason at all. Months ago, Jap was usually calm and playful and his grandma used to take care of him. Now that his grandma moved to another province, Jap seemed to be very irritable. Jap's mom, my aunt, said that Lola Divine might have been remembering Jap too much, causing the kid to have daily bouts of wailing and crying.

These are only two of the things I encountered today. And I remember how The Boy almost often relates everything to folklore. He wouldn't let me trim my fingernails at night nor sweep the floor. A little noise on the roof would make his eyes grow wide with surprise, telling me it might be "something else".

Indeed, there are certain things that prevail despite the technological progress we have in the country. However, I think no other country is as superstitious as ours. Westerners rarely attribute instances to spooky stuff. In the end, for as long as there is no harm caused by these beliefs, then they remain to be a colorful strand of the Pinoy culture.

From the Nipa Hut!

2009-12-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

As I write this, I'm listening to a girl in her teens singing Like A Virgin on the karaoke. She sings as if she's in the shower, with pitches and tones going here and there.

Welcome to Tupi, South Cotabato.

Tupi is a small town between General Santos City and Marbel. It is so small that virtually everyone knows everyone else here. Tupi is my father's hometown. His side of the family owns a generous amount of space here. The space was eventually developed into a resort, which explains why I have to bear with the singing teenager, who now changed the song to Lucky by Britney Spears.

For years now, we have spent almost every Christmas and New Year here. Yes, it sucks to be away from my friends for the holidays. Plus, it seems crazy to only have one channel on the TV and one station on the radio. And not to mention the daily power interruption. But then, on the lighter and brighter side of things, it is only here where I get to do lots of things.

My Davao waking time is 7 am, 8 am max. Here, I have to get up at six because everyone else is up and I can't miss breakfast. I get to cook, clean, do gardening, babysit for the rest of the day. I practically have so many things to do that the only time I feel tired is when the day ends.

I enjoy the simplicity of the place. Going out doesn't require an hour of preparation. People would be staring at you if you wore something fashion-forward. The meals always include vegetables and fruits, snacks would mean kakanin. No lasagna, fries, cheese burger.

No 24/7 internet connection, no cable tv, no gimmick spots. It seems like a retreat place for me and staying here is a detoxification process. Before I go to sleep, I always have so many thoughts to scribble down each night.

By now, the teenager decided to make a female rendition of 25 Minutes by Michael Learns to Rock. And though her voice makes me scratch my head, I can only sigh.

This is Tupi. My Dad's hometown, slowly becoming my own too.

Cheers!

That KFC Night

2009-12-02T07:58:00.000-08:00

Went to the grocery store today with The Boy. When he asked me where I wanted to have dinner, as usual, I couldn't give a sure answer. "KFC?", he asked. I said noooooo. My mind associated KFC with adrenalin rush bordering on panic.

Two weeks ago, The Boy and I were at KFC. He was standing in line at the counter while I reserved a table for us. I was doing some people-watching for a few minutes. I saw my college classmate pass by and when I gestured to call him, the girl seated in the next table poked me. "Miss..", she said. Then she slumped on the table. I noticed she looked pale and she was sweating. On her tray, she had large coke and the number for her order. She didn't look at me, so I thought it was something else.

This was what I honestly thought she was up to. She was attracting my attention and when I get distracted, an accomplice would swing by, grab my bag and run away.

So because I had this notion, I was observing the twenty-something girl seated on the next table while clutching my bag close to my body. Suddenly, the girl talked to me and said, "I can't breathe." I told her to relax, sit up straight and take deep breaths. I noticed she was grasping her tummy. When she sat up straight, she was kicking and flailing her arms frantically. She was panicking. I stood up, my bag still hooked on my shoulder, and bent over to talk to her. She said she couldn't breathe. I told her to sit straight, inhale, exhale. I instructed her to take a sip of coke, just so she could feel something on her lips. When I placed the cup near her lips, she sipped and suddenly, she collapsed.

Her head hit the table and I shouted for help. My mind was racing, trying to remind myself of my training as a nurse, what to do in times like this. I was trying to hold her up but everything happened so fast. She slipped from her chair then fell on the floor. People came rushing towards us, most of them were bystanders. And yes, amidst it all, my handbag was still tucked in my armpit. For a second, I got annoyed at how people could just dare to stare and not do anything. Suddenly, I had an adrenalin rush, I inserted my arms under her armpits scooped her up from the floor, and placed her on a chair. I checked her pulse and her breathing, while praying and hoping that I didn't have to do CPR. Alas, she had pulse and breathing. At that point, another customer who was a doctor, approached the scene and instructed us what to do. The girl's legs were elevated above the level of the heart. Some old lady came near and smothered the girl with some menthol oil, from the nose to the neck and even to my hands. I thrusted her jaw open. She was breathing. I gently tapped her face and said, "Wake up Miss, wake up!"

Minutes later, she woke up. She said she was fine, though she was very pale and sweating. At that point, I saw her belongings on the floor. I picked up her money and her cellphone, and asked her who to contact. After sending a message to the number she dictated to me, the restaurant crew took over. Moments later, her boyfriend came to the rescue. And yes, after everything that happened, my bag was safe between my armpits.

When The Boy finally got our order, he told me was shocked to see me in the scene. He thought there were two girls quarreling or something. While we were eating, I could feel my heart pumping wildly with what just happened. Is this some sort of calling? God's way of telling me to go back to the nursing profession?

The girl shyly thanked me for helping her. There I felt an old familiar strain. I remembered that feeling, something that tells you, "Yes, you did something right."

I'm no hero, I'm no activist. But at that time, I certainly felt the need for something I am capable of providing. I hope the girl finds it in her heart to pay it forward, just as I did.

Today, though I am thankful for what happened, anything KFC sends an alarm through out my body. Maybe I am not ready for so much adrenalin rush just yet.

Stuff

2009-12-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

Wondering Aloud

1 hour of real world time = 15 minutes Facebook time. Bakit ganun?

Sana dalawin ni Santino ang mga Untouchable Ampatuans sa Maguindanao. Malay natin, maantig ang puso nila kahit papano.

Bakit walang Yakult na litro? Or Red Horse tetra pack?

Sick

Gaaah. I caught flu and I think the virus is taking a nasty effect on me. I've been bedridden for a few days, sneezing and coughing the whole time. I hate being sick more than getting bored. I wish there was an instant rememdy for baradong ilong.

PhotoJogging

Anyway, before I got sick, The Boy and I had an early morning jog last Saturday. I was so excited to take pictures that I only jogged for one round. Breakfast followed at McDonald's afterwards, as expected.

A group of fishermen that I see everytime I go jogging.

The morning streeetch.

A couple sharing the sunrise. Awww.

This guy tries to find the catch on the edge.

And btw, happy December! Happy Christmas! :)

Cheers!

Screw Violence!

2009-11-24T23:23:00.000-08:00

Seeing the news reports are heartbreaking. Forty plus people massacred one by one, ditched in a cliff and covered with soil. The suspect? Their political rival, the head of a powerful family.

I've heard the same story before. Two powerful families with a hideous display of violence. Only this time, it involves another surname. I've seen and shortly acquainted with the Mangudadatus earlier this year. It makes me shiver wondering who among them were massacred.

We here in Mindanao are aware of what their rival family is capable of. They sure know how to use their money and their guns. Just a flash of either of the two could pretty much get them what they want or need. It makes me sad to think that money, guns and power are all they need to get by. No love, no respect, no God.
The manner of killing is definitely barbaric; something that only a maniac is capable of, a megalomaniac that is. He feels like he holds so much wealth and power in his hands to the point that he bypasses laws and he even disregards the lives of other people, believing his life to be more valuable than theirs. He exercises so much strength in money, seeing it as a means of buying virtually anything - women, education, life and death. He holds the fear of people in his hands and shows it to them. He assumes that he is a god - omnipotent, all-knowing, able to discern one's destiny. Oh will somebody please show him that he is not?

I feel like a little girl, wondering why people kill. Should we kill people who are killing people? So we can show them that killing people is absolutely wrong? If power gives you the ability to do that, then I won't bother dreaming of being powerful someday.

In this situation, the suspect is a lion and GMA is the generous zookeeper, feeding the animal with his needs. I wish GMA would do the right thing, just this once. I wish justice would work just this once. And I wish the megalomaniac would face sheer reality and his own end, just this once.

I was browsing through some quotations today when I came across this one by Leonard Mosley.

Killing is practically a Filipino national pastime but on Mindanao, it's an industry.

I can't help but raise an eyebrow on that one. But with the ongoing insane events in Maguindanao, slowly, my mind started to think that there must be some truth in it.

Too Tired to Write Paragraphs

2009-11-23T06:01:00.000-08:00

1. I was so busy the past week. Having my dad around means I have to be on my toes! Errands here, errands there! Gaaah!
2. In a few days, My sis is leaving for Japan as an exchange student. We've been going out every now and then to scout for winter clothes. I'm jealous, she gets to wear trench coats, windbreakers and boots. Sana may winter din sa Pinas. :|
3. Davao City was freezing cold last week. Someone must've left the gigantic aircondition unit on. I think I slept more hours last week than any other week in my life!
4. I tried Fiorgelato, Menta flavor. I loved it! Tastes like toothpaste (toothpaste is yummy for me) with chocolate chips in it! Love!
5. To get the Christmas-y feel, I decorated our house. And since every area in the house is too occupied, I almost placed the Christmas tree in my bro's bedroom. Haha. But anyhow, I resorted with poinsettias all over the living room. Goodbye Grinchy me!
6. Cold weather = me eating a lot = me getting fat.

Bedtime,

Dad's home, Oly's home!

2009-11-16T07:19:00.000-08:00

MWAH.

cheeerrsss!!!!!!

yey i can bake!

2009-11-12T20:12:00.000-08:00

Yes I can!

A year ago, my aunt from the US sent us a box full of baking goods. Since my mom got sick, these baking goods have come to the brink of expiration. And before everything gets spoiled, somebody's got to do something.

See, I'm no cook. The best dish I can whip up is chicken with oyster sauce where all you need to do is to fry the chicken wings without marinating then smother it with oyster sauce. Bow. My siblings think I'm too impatient and lazy to stay in the kitchen. So months ago, I started practicing with some cake mixes. And now, I guess I'm done rubbing elbows with the wire whisk! The chocolate chip cookies I made yesterday were in a beautiful shade of brown, crispy and just right. Well, well, well.. who's lazy and impatient now?:)

I think this only goes to show how necessity is not only the mother of invention but a good source of motivation too. I'm trying hard not to say it but, yeah, I think I'm starting to fall in love with baking! There. I said it! :))

Cheers!

Early Christmas

2009-11-11T21:35:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of the Davao City Hall. I took this last November 2007. It goes to show how Christmas starts early in the Philippines.

Mom and I did the groceries yesterday. We were in the aisle filled with condiments, looking for tomato catsup. As I was taking a bottle off from the shelf, a lady approached me. She was shorter than me, and she looked like one of those ladies in church that led the Bible study for kids. Conservatively dressed, armed with a black book with envelopes sticking out of it. To my surprise, she asked for donations for their foundation. She asked for money. In the supermarket. Gaaah.

Because I was in a major PMS mode yesterday, I raised voice in an attempt to let by-passers hear. "Ha? Donation? Sigurado ka pwede kayo humingi ng donation dito?" She said yes. She added she was from the Pentecostal church. I eyed her and I saw a twinge of deceit in her eyes. But somehow, it seemed as if she needed it badly. She spoke again, prodding me to give her some money for their church. From my wallet, I took a twenty-peso bill. As I handed it to her, I told her to be careful in case a security guard sees her. I don't think any supermarket would allow people to "solicit" money from the grocers. She took the money, greeted me "Merry Christmas" and took off.

Truly, in the Philippines, Christmas is more than a day. It's a season. And since it is also dubbed as the Season of Giving, it is sad how some people take advantage of it. Nevertheless, the Man upstairs sees our hearts and our intentions.

Merry Early Christmas! :)

The Strangest Thing

2009-11-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

Kaninang umaga, may nagring ng aming doorbell. Tumakbo ang house boy namin palabas at dali-dali rin siyang bumalik. Sabi niya, "Nik, ikaw humarap dun." Aba inutusan ako. Pagsilip ko sa bintana, uy! Amerikanong naka-long sleeve, naka-shades at namumula dahil sa init ng tanghaling-tapat. Naka-gusgusin outfit pa ako nun, sando at punit-punit na short. Dahil ayaw kong ma-rape sa sarili kong pamamahay, dali-dali akong nagbihis.

Paglabas ko, kinamusta niya ako. Sabi ko, "Great." Pero wala gaanong energy. Pagkatapos nun, naglitanya na siya tungkol sa kanyang produkto. Teleponong touch screen na may kung anu-anong features na hindi naman ginustong ilagay ni Alexander Graham Bell.

Pagkatapos niya maglitanya, sinabi ko na malamang interesado ang Tatay ko pero wala siya sa bahay. Sabi ko, iwan niya nalang ang contact number nila.

At dahil Pinay ako na likas na tsismosa, tinanong ko siya, "Why are you doing this? Are you an employee of some company?"

Sabi niya, "No, I'm the boss. I own the company." Aw ah. :|

Naikuwento niya pa na tumira na siya sa iba't ibang bansa sa Asia for fifteen years. Taga-California siya, umuuwi pa rin siya four times a year. One week pa lang siya dito sa Davao, dahil kaka-launch lang ng produkto nila dito. At dahil gusto niyang matuto ang kanyang employees kung paano magbenta, sumama siya mag-house to house.

Mula dun, di na ako nagtanong ng mga basic questions na binabato sa mga dayuhan.

Ano nga ba yung basic questions?

1.Your salary, how much?
2. Do you hab wife? Or girlpren?
3. Pilipina, you like?

But anyway, nakakatuwang makita na mismong dayuhan ang nagsisilbing "servant leader" sa mga Pinoy. Bihira ka lang ata makakakita ng CEO o boss dito sa Pinas na mismong magmamarket ng kanyang produkto. At in fairness sa kanya, hindi siya nagpaka-superior sa mga binebentahan niya. Hindi niya tinatratong ignorante ang mga kausap niya, kumpara sa ibang Pinoy.

Hindi Hollywood material yung Kano pero ang pakikitungo niya sa mga Pinoy ay mas mabuti pa sa pakikipag-kapwa tao ng mga mismong Pilipino.

Tagay,

Inspired

2009-11-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

I was browsing thru Flickr the other day when I saw several dreamy photos that inspired me to do my own thing. These photos appeared lite and soothing to the eyes. I loved the concept so much. Hence, I went on a photo-editing spree for several hours and came up with some good stuff.

This is my cousin Jap's bum. Teehee.

I've always loved this. A Flickr user asked permission to use this on some art stuff. Somebody's flattered. :)

For some reason, the "mist" above each photo is so eye-friendly.

Some street photos and a window.

For two months since my Dad left for Mongolia, I've been working on photo enhancement using lots of stock photos. If my Dad didn't take the camera with him, I might not have realized that I actually have pictures that I can work on. Yaaay. :) Hope to do some real photography action soon!

Cheers,

COUNTDOWNS

2009-11-05T03:24:00.000-08:00

When my days have suddenly become such a bore, I realized I have so many things to look forward to!

3 days before another reunion with highschool BFFs!
9 days before my Dad comes home with my Oly camera.
25 days before my sister flies to another country.
44 days before our family vacation!
50 days before Christmas!
57 days before a spanking New Year! Yeah!:)

Before we know it, it's already 2010! I'm an excited kid! Woohoo! :)

The Week That Was

2009-11-01T04:46:00.001-08:00

It was a loooooong and fun week for me! :) Highlights, highlights!

1. I did all my mundane tasks. Went to the bank, did the groceries and all the hoo-ha.
2. Mom and I went to Seawall for a stroll last Monday. Her walk is really improving.
3. My college friends, whom I haven't seen in agessss, came to Davao last Tuesday. We hung out at my friend's house til the wee hours of dawn. Good times!!! Ended up having an imaginary friend. Haha.
4. My sister turned sixteen last Tuesday! I cooked spaghetti for her, my own rendition. It rocked. :) Can't believe my sister is ONLY sixteen when she's several inches taller than me. Haha.
5. A few friends hung out in our house last Thursday. Yaaay. Haven't done that in a while. :)
6. The Boy and I met for a fantastic dinner date and a ride home in his green Volkswagen.
7. One of my closest friends ever is leaving for London. She and my other friends had a get-together and I wasn't able to come. :(
8. My bro drove me around the city for most of the errands I did. Buti nalang, I taught him how to drive. Haha.

It's because of all these things that I've become a zombie just in time for Halloween. I didn't get much sleep for several days because of the night-outs. Gaaaah. I'm not used to it anymore. I wake up grumpy and tired. But anyway.

---

I realized that when I pray, I always ask God to make me a better person. I love God for the seemingly endless chances He gives me each day. And I hope He will love me more in return as I try my best not to waste the chances He blesses me with. :)

Pencil

2009-10-24T03:14:00.000-07:00

Earlier, I was looking for something in our warehouse-like bedroom. As I was searching for it, I remembered a peculiar incident.

Rewind. It happened two years ago. I was in the house of my guy bestfriend. Well, at that time, we were in the stage of finding out whether we should be together or whether we should just stay bestfriends. He wanted to be in a relationship and he liked me, but for some reason, he didn't see me in a different light just yet. Boo. So yeah, it was complicated.

So anyway, we were in his house. We were on the couch and I was helping him out with his school project. He suddenly stood up and started looking for something. He was lifting the pillows on the couch one by one, checking his pockets, peeking underneath the table. I asked him what he was looking for. He said his precious mechanical pencil was missing. He told me he was just holding it earlier and he forgot where he placed it. He went to his parents' bedroom where he went a few minutes ago. With this, his mom was bothered with all the searching and tried to help too. After a few moments, he finally found the pencil just a few inches away from where he was seated earlier. To this, his mom said..

"Yan kasi, pag may bagay na importante sayo, huwag mo basta-bastang bitawan kung saan-saan lang. At kung may hinahanap ka, huwag ka na maghanap sa malayo. Madalas, nandiyan lang yan malapit sayo."

And with this, his mom looked at me and I thought I saw her wink or something twinkled in her eye, I dunno. And upon hearing what his mother said, the guy bestfriend quickly looked at me as if upon reaction to what he just heard. I felt blood rush into my cheeks and I remember how my jaw dropped a little that time. It took me a few moments to realize how awkward the moment was so I proceeded with pretending to check my phone for any text messages. Sheesh!

Fast forward to a year later. Guy Bestfriend and I jumped into a relationship. We've been together for more than a year. If we "play" the current frame, we're both still trying to revive what we found in each other. After all, you can't simply let go of your valuables. And yes, in my doodle world, he's known as "The Boy".

It's funny how ordinary day-to-day instances actually point out the valuable lessons in life and love.

Sigh. :)

Thursday

2009-10-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

I think most people would agree with me if I say that 2009 wasn't quite a good year for most of us. The country experienced a lot of typhoons, controversies and calamities this year. Personally, I hurdled one of the biggest challenges in my life and in our family so far. At first, I thought it was just me but when I looked around, geez. I see lots of people having tough times too.

But despite this, there are still lots of good things to pay attention to. First, I simply admire the Filipino spirit of facing trials and challenges with positivity. Only Filipinos can go through such hardships but still manage to crack jokes, sing and laugh. Though I'm not a completely positive person, I still thank God for turning my head to the brighter side of things all the time. Also, now that the worst is over, we can only be thankful for how our things turned out for our good, for how our lives have been changed by these tough experiences, and how all of us have remained sane and free from anti-psychotics. And probably, the best part of going through a long and crazy year is the thought that if this year wasn't all good, the next one probably will be better. You know how they say, when you're down in the pits, the only way to go is up. :)

**

I'm overflowing with good vibes today. I realized that giving value to superficial things kills the soul. As a person, I feel like I lose substance and depth when I engross myself too much with make-up, glamor, popularity and everything else that fades. For quite some time, I feel like I lost touch with my values, my beliefs, my dreams, and the other stuff that comprise the real me. It feels good to have the urge to rekindle my soul. Aaah basta.

I had a nice talk with a friend today. He asked me where I am in my life right now. It took me a full minute to come up with an honest but pa-deep answer. I recognized myself as someone standing in front of a gap. Beyond that gap is a dream that I have been yearning for. The gap is too wide to jump across and it's making me think of the best way to get there. Although it seems impossible, all I know is that I have this incredible belief in myself that I will get there.

Woohoo. This is already 20 ft deep! :) So to anyone reading this, where do you stand in your life right now?:)

Come to think of it.

Friends!

2009-10-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

Over a few weeks, I met up with some of my closest friends. Yeeey! :)

Deep Friends

I call them "deep friends" because they're the ones I have deep conversations with, sa sobrang deep nakakalunod. Engk! Terro, his girlfriend Jec and my college superfriend Jessa visited me three weeks ago.
Jessa was my classmate in 2nd year college. She sat behind me in class and she was usually perky and yeah, noisy, so we got along haha. I met Terro more than a decade ago, way back in sixth grade. He was my classmate, we were seatmates at one point. When I transferred to another school, I didn't see him for years until one day, I rang their doorbell and borrowed his cassette player hahaha. Jec is terro's girlfriend, so yun.

All three are making lots of money through networking. And in all honesty, when I see people who wanna do business talk on my doorstep, I'm quite unsure whether to let them in. But gladly, they spared me from their schemes and we all had a nice chit-chat over Pan de Mongo until midnight.

Happy Friends

Two weeks ago, I met up with my friends Gian and Belle. Now that makes me realize how their names sound so Italian. Anyhow, I picked up Gian in his apartment because it usually takes him hoursss to get ready. To my surprise, he was prepared when I got there. While waiting for him to polish his look, I hooked up with someone in his apartment.

Then we went to SPH to visit Belle's brother. Afterwhich, we went to Saint Jude and then ate at AnniPie. There, we had a very long and intriguing conversation. I bet the waitresses heard us and they all scooped an interesting story to tell their friends. :))

It was my first time to eat at Annipie. I must say, their pastries are VERY DELICIOUS. I had Decadent Chocolate, which was chocolate cake surrounded by a puddle of caramel. Belle had Tiramisu and Gian ordered Mocha Sansrival. The Sansrival had a little "kick" in every bite and by the time we finished it, we were all laughing boisterously like drunk middle-aged men. Before we left, we were told that it had a teeny bit mix of liquor. Aaah okay.

Highschool BFFs

A week ago, I met up with my highschool bestfriends Janine and Ai. Aaaah, those girls and I go a long, long way back. They were both my classmates in my freshmen year in Philippine Women's College. I was the new girl and they were the ones I grew comfortable being with. And so we've been bestfriends since then. They are two of the very few people who know me best, from my craziest to my lowest low. And now they have two little versions of themselves!

After a night of talking with the girls and playing with the kids, my voice was hoarse! We were planning to do a major reunion with our other bestfriends. My fingers are crossed. :)

Because I need to stay home most of the time, I can't help but feel isolated. But then, meeting up with my friends make me realize that they really are there. I'm happy to have friends that I don't necessarily have to meet every single day because I know that a simple meet-up is enough to guarantee that the deep friendship is still there.

Cheers!

The Magic Instant by Paulo Coelho

2009-10-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

**I am a huge Paulo Coelho fan. Earlier tonight, I was reading his blog that I recently discovered. (It's http://paulocoelhoblog.com) As expected, I couldn't stop reading his posts. There were many other passages that were also inspirational, but I picked this one since it spoke to me and inspired me the most. Hope you enjoy it as well. :)

The Magic Instant

We have to take risks. We can only truly understand the miracle of life when we let the unexpected manifest itself.

Every day – together with the sun – God gives us a moment in which it is possible to change everything that makes us unhappy. Every day we try to pretend that we don’t realize that moment, that it doesn’t exist, that today is just the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if you pay attention, you can discover the magic instant. It may be hiding at the moment when we put the key in the door in the morning, in the silence right after dinner, in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. This moment exists – a moment when all the strength of the stars passes through us and lets us work miracles.

Happiness is at times a blessing – but usually it’s a conquest. The magic instant helps us to change, drives us forward to seek our dreams. We shall suffer and go through quite a few difficult moments and face many a disappointment – but this is all transitory and inevitable, and eventually we shall feel proud of the marks left behind by the obstacles. In the future we will be able to look back with pride and faith.

Poor are those who are afraid of running risks. Because maybe they are never disappointed, never disillusioned, never suffer like those who have a dream to pursue. But when they look back – for we always look back – they will hear their heart saying: “What did you do with the miracles that God sowed for your days? What did you do with the talent that your Master entrusted to you? You buried it deep in a grave because you were afraid to lose it. So this is your inheritance: the certainty that you have wasted your life.”

Poor are those who hear these words. For then they will believe in miracles, but the magic instants of life will have already passed.

We must listen to the child that we once were, and who still lives within us. This child understands about magic instants. We can muffle his sobbing, but we can’t hush his voice.

If we aren’t reborn, if we don’t see life again with the innocence and enthusiasm of childhood, then there is no more sense to living.

There are many ways to commit suicide. Those who try to kill their body offend God’s law. Those who try to kill their soul also offend God’s law, although their crime is less visible to the eyes of man.

Let us be heedful of what the child within us has to say. Let’s not feel ashamed of it. Let’s not allow it to feel afraid, because it’s lonely and is scarcely ever heard.

Let’s allow the child within us to take the reins of our existence a little. This child says that one day is different from another.

Let’s make the child feel loved again. Let’s please this child – even if it means acting in a way that we’re not used to, even if it seems foolish in the eyes of others.

Remember that the wisdom of men is madness before God. If we listen to the child we bear in our soul, our eyes will shine once more. If we don’t lose contact with this child, we won’t lose contact with life.

Let’s live all the magic instants of 2009!

Love

There is always someone in the world waiting for someone else, whether in the middle of the desert or in the heart of some big city. And when these two people’s paths cross and their eyes meet, the whole of the past and the whole of the future lose all importance, and there only exists that moment and that incredible certainty that everything under the Sun was written by the very same Hand. The Hand that awakens Love and creates a sister soul for everyone who works, rests and seeks treasures under the Sun. Were it not for this, the dreams of the human race would make no sense.

Finally!

2009-10-20T22:47:00.001-07:00

This page has been going thru some sort of identity crisis lately. It wants to be chic but a rockstar at the same time. It wants to be clean but it also looks scruffy. And though I try to make it sound as if the blog has a mind of its own, it's actually my mind that's pretty fickle. So after sifting through the many pre-made templates in the web, and even dreaming of them as I sleep, I finally settled for this one. Yeeeey! :)

There are so many things I haven't taken into account.

One, I've been cooking and baking a lot the past few weeks. The toughest one was Embutido, the most delicious dish I made has to be Burger Steak. The sloppiest one would be the Strawberry Chocolate Cake, which breaks into crumbs after slicing hahaha. And my most loved masterpiece would have to be the Chocolate and Peanut Butter Chipped Coookies which I baked just yesterday. I love it the most because finally I can have something to munch whenever I get those late night cravings.

Two, I met a lot of my friends within two weeks time. Because I'm somewhat isolated from the rest of them, seeing them feels like a grand reunion each time. I'll reserve the stories on another post.

Three, I'm not much of a Facebook addict anymore! Yeeey! Finally, I have trained my mind to stop thinking of cool and philosophical status messages to post. Now, I'll just leave it as it is.

Four, I'm having strange dreams lately. And it's mostly about the things that I know I want but I just can't tell other people about. Oooh, juicy eh? Haha. Like, the other night I dreamt I was walking the streets of London clothed in my winter attire, surrounded by pale-skinned English people. Ay I wish!

Lastly, I am so much hooked on PBB! If you know someone among the housemates, it's really unavoidable to get hooked. And though I twinge with dislike when I see that certain housemate, I can't help but watch each episode. Which housemate? Secret! :)

Aack!

2009-10-18T02:41:00.000-07:00

So I found this nice and simple and real and girly layout.

But it doesn't have that button that takes you to older posts or shows the archives! Aaah! Have to ask my techie friends 'bout this.

As of now, I made my eyes bleed by staring at the PC for five hours, tinkering with this layout. And as of now, my sister has been sighing heavily everytime she passes by. Alright, alright. My turn on the TV.

And oh, ain't sick anymore. Yaaay! :)

Down With The Sickness (Uwa-ah-ah-ah!)

2009-10-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

If we were to replay the last twenty-four hours, it would be pretty much boring. I just stayed in bed, ate a little, texted a little, walked around for a while then stayed in bed again. I'm a pathetic virus-carrying monster with a mask on my face to protect my family members. Don't forget to add the fact that I just got out of a long-term relationship.

But anyhow, even if I'm sick, I find it odd that I'm craving for FOOD. Crabs, french fries, freshly baked bread, grilled pork. Aaahh. I miss food, though I can't even taste them.

I hate being sick. It is the total opposite of this very energetic person that I am. I can't do the things I want to, can't go near my mom, and I can't stay up late. My head is throbbing, my eyes are always teary, walking around seems like a chore and my throat is very itchy. Plus, my right jaw is a bit swollen; it seems like I have mumps. Baaa. This sucks.

I used to think I was this very healthy person that won't catch a cold at any cost. Guess I'm not that invincible after all. :))

News!

2009-10-12T21:44:00.000-07:00

1. I am VERY sick.
2. I want to sleep all day.
3. I can't go near Mama, I'm afraid she might catch whatever I'm having.
4. I just had a craaaazy weekend! :)
5. I want to write but I'm too tired. Whew.

But I changed the blog layout though. :p Next time.

Loose Association

2009-10-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

I can be as miserable as I want to be but I'm not. It's still a surprise for me how I'm not making my eyes bleed each night by sobbing, knowing how much of a crybaby I am. Probably, what happened to my mom has helped to keep my emotions intact.

But I do admit I miss the person I used to connect with, 24/7. I wish I could have those late night talks with him again. Or hold his hand, both in public and in private. Looking into his eyes would greatly comfort me right now. I miss the only man I love. Yeah, cheesy.

As of now, I believe it would take a miracle for us to communicate. Even a single message from him is impossible.

I've repeated the "separation story" more than ten times to different people. From time to time, I get varied advice on what to do and how to go about the situation. I realized, whoever coined the maxim "Follow your heart" must have received so many advice to the point that he too got confused on what to do.

If I were to follow my heart, I certainly know what it wants. The problem is how do I get it?

I went out with my friends today and I learned how talking about the situation eases the burden. It is certainly not the best time for me to be alone. While walking round the mall, I can't help but hate those happy couples walking past. Bitter Ocampo hahaha. But the true comfort of the day is knowing that my friends are rooting for my happiness. Period.

Another thing that surprises me is my willingness to take risks. I guess this goes back to my mom's situation, when I saw for myself how life is too short.

If God forgives and gives chances, I wish humans would too.

These thoughts are fleeting. I am both scared and comforted with the fact that these may change in a few days or weeks time. I hope and pray for the best.

I'll be going to bed. It takes me an hour before I finally get to sleep. Nowadays, hell means getting up in the morning and going to bed. Aaahh, I should stop being ungrateful.

***

I noticed that the readers' counter have increased a lot! To those reading this, thank you so much. Pardon me for all the mush I've been writing lately but maybe that prompts you to keep on reading right? Haha. I just want you to know that comments will highly be appreciated. Friends tayong lahat! :)

On First Love

2009-10-07T00:04:00.000-07:00

I am 22 years old. At this point, most people my age already met their first love. Although some have completely let go of their first love, to others, it has become their only love.

So I met him when I was 12, on the first day of school. I must say, I didn't really fall in love instantly. But I clearly remember that we were both smiling and looking into each other's eyes when we exchanged names in that certain corner of the classroom. Pardon me for being cheesy but my life was never the same since then.

Our story is quite long, and only both of us knew the original and heartfelt version. But to shorten the whole ten years, we first became bestfriends. Soon after, the friendship grew deeper until we eventually liked each other. Because we were still teens, we liked other people too and had relationships with others along the way. But then, one day, he courted me. I said yes. And since it seemed like applied physics for both of us, we parted ways when we reached college. Even if we lost the relationship, we remained good friends through the course of time. And even if we were single, we didn’t commit to anyone else. Until four years later, we found ourselves in each other's arms again.

It's good to be with your first love for a million reasons. And though I can't cite all of them, let me give a few. Primarily, the conversations couldn't get any better. We often talked about our childhood before we met each other, our highschool life, and future plans which aren't necessarily for us together. It was truly nice to share those long talks and walks with him. Also, I can't overlook the beauty of knowing someone for a long time. I don’t know him completely, but I have a good idea of who he is and vice versa. He knew how to turn my day around and make me smile even in the most boring hours of the day. He simply understands me. At the same time, being with my first love was not hard for my family; it actually spared them of their fear that I might date some rebel, addict, or maniac. In a way, they were confident whenever we went out. And finally, sticking with the first love gave us thousands of memories together. At times, we would just sit, pick one memory among the thousands, and laugh or cry about it. Doing that pretty much consumes the time during our dates and bonding sessions.

But as I grew older, I also learned a few cons. And I've been learning more recently. When we were still together, we lived in this bubble where only he and I existed. But then, I realized that we live in a huge world full of possibilities. Being chained to my first love limits the experiences that I can have in this world. I realized I want to experience a wonderful detachment, one that allows me to see the world and be myself while being loved and supported by someone special. Also, I suddenly thought that though my age seems mature, I still consider myself young with lots of years ahead of me. Even so, I am confronted with the question, what if the person I liked when I was 12 will not be the same person I will love when I'm 30? I must admit, sometimes I wish I met my first love when I was a bit older. At least by that time, we wouldn't have to wait too long. And by that time, we would just have to make it happen. And finally, I realized that people my age have a track record of five to six relationships. I only have two; one with my neighbor and from that you know it was fleeting, and another with my first real love. Period. At times, I wonder whether I’m missing out on some things. But I got distracted with the beauty of staying with my first love, I didn’t pretty much dwell on what I was missing. Now, I have the chance to find out.

Someone I knew had a theory – the person you end up with should be different from your first love. She said by doing so, it reveals how you have matured from the time you met your first love until the time you decide to tie the knot. But still, I’ve heard of people who end up with their first love, come what may. And there are some who end up with someone else only to realize they want to be with the person they first learned to love. But then, I also heard a story of how a man turned his back on a long-term relationship with his first love just because of someone new. These possibilities truly scare me. And yet, there are still others who are in their 20s and still waiting for their first love.

Our story evolved within ten years. I’ve always received jokes that it could qualify as an episode of MMK or it deserves to be a telenovela. And in ten years time, we pretty much covered most of the relationship status options in Facebook, except for Married and Engaged. Ten years. The roots have crept towards the deepest part of the ground, making it grueling to remove. I don’t think my life will ever be the same.

I am 22 years old and I already met my first love. Though I am quite unsure whether this is the only love I’ll ever have, I believe I enjoyed every bit of it. They say first love never dies. But I contend that true love never ends. In my case, I hope it won’t.

Day Two

2009-10-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

Day Two was his birthday. A few days back, when we were still together, I planned something. I'm someone who's big on surprises and year after year, I always did something that would surprise him. I guess this year, I was the one surprised.

On the morning of Day Two, I felt like I woke up in hell. Suddenly, sadness had this huge arms that were wrapped around me. My eyes were puffy from crying the night before. It was a good cry, one that I badly needed. Little did I know that I was going to do more sulking the next day.

I was doing some house chores when my finger got stuck in a drawer. I banged the drawer when I closed it without noticing that my finger was still inside. It was very painful. Being the crybaby that I am, I cried. At first, it was because I couldn't feel my finger anymore. Minutes later, I was crying because I lost someone who was celebrating his birthday that day. My mom saw me crying. After a few moments, she was crying too. She shared my grief somehow.

I proceeded with the day, evolving into this super pathetic being that I once was years ago. Deleting old messages, listening to sad songs, staring blankly at a wall and remembering the past. The funny and good thing is, when I remember us, the good times come to surface even if we fought a million times. As the day went on, I continued to morph from a girl brimming with positivity into an "emo" kid wanting to tear the whole world down.

Before Day Two ended, we talked on the phone. It was a good conversation. I said the things I might regret not saying. I was crying too much that the desk literally had a puddle of tears. Gaaaah. I never imagined that I'd be this way again.

Before, when the day ends, I would be thankful for two things. One, my mom is a survivor. Two, I had a beautiful and thriving relationship. For Day Two, I thanked God for my mom's life and The Boy's life, which I was a part of even for a while.

Day One

2009-10-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day after the earthquake, something that shook me til I hit ground zero. It is devastating, it is painful and it is unexpected. Although I've been through this before, I realize how my defenses have altered completely.

Day one is for state of shock. It's day when your mind is just filled with replays. Replays of what happened before the earthquake. Replays of how you acted and reacted while the ground was shaking beneath your feet. Words and cries continuously echo through your mind, making Day One very unproductive. Sure, you could go with your daily routine but your mind would be elsewhere.

Day One could also be spent in denial. It didn't happen. Maybe it can still be patched up. Maybe it's just among many other ordinary earthquakes. And because you're still in denial, maybe you will shed a few tears.

My Day One started out fine. I embraced the new yet familiar world. I went through my daily routine, with flashbacks often disturbing my thoughts. But I couldn't go through the day without doing two things. One was to talk to friends. I vented out my feelings, my worries, my thoughts. And as expected, they gave advice, which from experience I knew that any amount of it won't make me feel better. And two was to cry. I had to let the truth sink in. I had to mourn. I was sad and and I knew it is a must for me to let it all out.

Many years ago, I experienced the same thing from the same source. That time, I was a terrible mess. It was as if my world stopped. I lost my ground. I did immature things; looking back does not make me feel proud. It took me a long time before I tried to be out in the field again.

Now, I am thankful to see that my responses changed. I refuse to rebel, to do anything that would provoke guilt. I choose to sort my thoughts without the influence of anything but music. I refuse to do a text brigade informing everyone of the disaster I'm in. I just want to be with myself, nursing my broken heart.

It is only Day One. The good news is, at some point, things will get better from Day One to 1000. I will be strong. I will be better. I will be happy.

***

I don't know if I made any sense writing this. I tried to. But again, things will get better. In times like this, nothing else could soothe me but music. My song for today is Someone You Used To Know by Zee Avi. It captures the whole thing.

Goodnight. :)

TGIF

2009-10-03T06:24:00.000-07:00

I posted my nifty to-do list yesterday and I'm one proud house daughter. Here's how it went.

1. Go to the bank and withdraw our monthly budget. I had to go 'round Bankerohan just to find a decent parking space. I've become a bit paranoid from all the carjacking incidents.
2. Go to Aldevinco (the land of milk and honey hahaha) and visit my suki money changer I parked a kilometer away. I'm not that paranoid after all.
3. Pay cable and electricity bills at Ponciano Watched Mr. Bean while waiting in line.
4. Pay water bill at Victoria Plaza I gave the exact amount, including the eighty cents. Frugalist much?
5. Buy a DVD that I could watch for weeks Engkkk! I looked for a good movie or series, something I could lounge around to. But I didn't find anything nice, even the latest season of Family Guy. Boo.
6. Buy our snacks Waffles!
7. Find time to squeeze in a meet-up with my friend This leads me to my second story of the day.

But before thaaaat, I got so hyped up from being able to drive around the city alone in a big van and cutting on unruly taxi drivers. I hate it when other drivers try to scare me off the road just because I'm a lady driver. Maliit na nga, minamaliit pa.

***
Today, I saw..

**Because I rarely meet up with the people I know, I will make it a point to have a photo with them if ever I run into them. I must post the photo here and include how I met them. Hopefully, it will allow me to cherish my friends more.**

.. Belle, Gian and Gidz! After 456, 789 years, finally, I did CPR on my social life! I met Belle and Japoy at MTS, drove to Obrero to pick up Gian then proceeded to McDonalds. Then we had a mini-reunion in a place that we missed the most!

This is me in my half-zebra half-woman attire with them haha. I met Belle through Gian. Gian was my classmate in second year college. We often hung out in their apartment, so I met Belle who lived with them. I met Gideon when, spur of the moment, my friends and I went to his house late in the evening. It's a splendid place by the beach, you can't help but love it. We ended up going to his place often and bringing more common friends along. Tadaaaa. :)

I haven't seen Belle in two months, Gian in four months or so, and Gideon in 10 months or more! To think that we all used to go out every week!

For the entire night and up until near-dawn, we indulged in a lengthy conversation that started with how we were doing then it led to gays, indie films, love, life, nursing, relationships, food. I loved that conversation! They're the kind of friends that I can just sit back and chill with, over music, bags of chips and softdrinks. No need for 100-peso coffee and all that jazz.

We've all gone a long way since we last saw each other. It feels great to meet your friends again after a long time. The best part is when you see how they're lives have tremendously changed but your friendship hasn't.

I'm so happy to have bonded with them, so happy that I looked drugged when I got up this morning hahaha. Looking forward to my next bond!

To Do List

2009-10-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday. It's almost lunchtime and I am fully aware that I have lots of errands to run. But here I am, sitting in front of the monster that is the PC, procrastinating the hours away. To get myself started, here are the things that I should do.

Go to the bank and withdraw our monthly budget.
Go to Aldevinco (the land of milk and honey hahaha) and visit my suki money changer
Pay cable and electricity bills at Ponciano
Pay water bill at Victoria Plaza
Buy a DVD that I could watch for weeks
Buy our snacks
Find time to squeeze in a meet-up with my friend

Ahh. The joys of being the head of the household.. Not. I will be driving alone again for hours. The thjing I hate when I drive alone is having to find a parking space where I could squeeze in. When I have someone with me, I can just press the hazard button then conveniently leave the car on the shoulder of the road. Baaaa. Good luck Nikka.

Ang dami ko pang sinasabi, di pa nga ako naliligo. Haha. Will check back on this list later. Baboo.

Pakonti-konti

2009-10-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

Ang bagal ng internet connection ngayon. Parang yung speed ng connection nung mga 2003, nung panay ang babad ko sa internet cafe sa kanto para magFriendster at magresearch ng lyrics ng mga R&B na kanta sa Lyrics.com. Hay I love you PLDT DSL!

Kanina lang, may nabuo na akong blog sa utak ko. Pero dahil mabagal ang connection, putol-putol din ang aking train of thought.

Hindi pwedeng hindi ko banggitin na maraming lugar na ang apektado ng pagka-moody ni Mother Earth. Luzon, Samoa, Vietnam, Indonesia, pati Georgia, Atlanta. Menopausal na siguro si Mama Earth. Tama na please.

Miss ko na camera ko. Hindi naman talaga yun akin ng buong-buo. Nakiki-camera lang ako kay Papa. Ayun, dala niya sa Mongolia ngayon. Sad. :| Gusto kong mamasyal at magpindot buong araw.

Umuwi na rin ang mga pinsan ko sa Manila. Nakaka-miss agad. Walang kuya at ate. :| Ganito talaga siguro basta panganay noh?

Pero kahit ganun, masaya pa rin ako ngayong araw. Pagdukot ko sa bulsa ng bagong laba kong shorts, aba! May papel! Pera! Bente? Singkwenta? Isang daan? Hindi. Isang libo!!! Kung saan, kelan at paano napunta ang isang libo sa bulsa ko, wala akong alam. Basta alam ko, may isang libo na ako! Woohoo!

--

Naisip ko na andami kong ginagawa tuwing nagda-drive ako mag-isa. Tulad ng..

pagkuha ng picture. Picture ng mga taong dumadaan, kotseng nakakasalubong, sunset, etc. Pag nakatigil ako sa red light, pati sarili ko, kinukunan ko na ng picture. Pangit lang ang mga angle, nakafocus sa mga butas ng aking ilong, masisilip ang utak ko.
pagkanta ng malakas. Kahit nakasara ang mga bintana at di naririnig ng mga tao sa labas, halata pa ring kumakanta ako kasi makikita ako sa loob na papikit-pikit sa pagbirit. Yaks.
mga nakakadiring habits. Tulad ng pag-yawn na sa sobrang laki ng bunganga, kita na ang aking spleen. At tulad na rin ng pangungulangot, pagtanggal ng tinga, pagkamot ng kili-kili, pag-ayos ng bra kung nakapuwesto ba ng tama. Feel at home ako sa kotse eh, ano ba.
pagsayaw. Kanina, banat ako sa pagsayaw habang naka-red light. Woohoo, may pa-snap snap pa!

Ang masaklap nito, andami ko na ngang ginagawang kalokohan habang nagmamaneho, lagi ko pa talagang nakakalimutan na hindi tinted ang aking mga bintana! Huwaaa.

Ayun lang muna. Pakonti-konti. Goodnight.

Yaaay!

2009-09-29T01:49:00.001-07:00

I literally threw my fists up in the air just now! Season 5 of How I Met Your Mother has started and I am done with Ep. 1. Plus, I am waiting for my eternal server to finish downloading Episode 2! Yaaay! I love this show, obviously.

And oh, this page is sporting a new do. The previous layout was just so.. hippie and puberty-ish hahaha. Hence, I decided to go lite and classy, a contrast to my heavy and disorganized thoughts. So here it is. Yaaay!

I also named the page 'El Cuaderno". Eversince I learned how to write, I've always kept old notebooks so I could write on the extra pages. I never had a real diary, all my diaries are ordinary notebooks, as in the one you use for your English class. And yes, I once used a Lesson Plan as my diary! Now, I still write in my notebook but I want this page to be my online journal. As with my personality, please don't expect my posts to make sense all the time. :p

I spent the day lounging around and being lazy, aside from my activities with Mom of course. It was already 4 pm when I realized I didn't take a bath yet. Eeek. But now, I'm all fresh and clean! Yaaay! Lame hahaha.

Of Dreams

2009-09-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted something so badly that the mere thought of it crushes your heart?

Each of us has a dream. We all have visions of how we imagine our lives to turn out in the long run, no matter how much of a slob or a workaholic we are today. As these dreams arise, our drive to pursue them almost becomes an instinct or even a working premise for our day-to-day living. Little by little, these dreams sink into our consciousness and define us, even if we haven't achieved them yet.

In the process of yearning to be what you want to be, encountering setbacks is inevitable. One of these trials is the source of encouragement. When we recognize our dreams, we often share it to our support systems - family, friends, mentors, and the like. However, no matter how strong we express our desire to achieve, not everyone will be as encouraging and as positive as we wish them to be. Some may tell us that the path to your dream is exhausting and daunting. Others may tell us that today, practicality precedes personal ambition. And some, upon hearing our ambitions, just shrug it off, comparing your dream to the farthest star.

But despite this, there will also be people who will encourage us. They are the ones who prod us and say, "Go." And we find it amazing to see how a mere push allows us to go far. These are the people who seemingly form an armor that helps us move forward towards our goals. And more often than not, the words that encouraging people tell us are the ones that stay with us the most. Perhaps that's what dreamers should do: hold on to words of encouragement, let go of the thoughts that dampen our will.

Our will resides within us. Our will is not in the hands of our parents, our forefathers or the people we need to please. Our desire to achieve lies in our hearts and not in somebody else's. Our dreams are our own. And it's up to us dreamers whether we want to achieve them or let go of them. There is power in our will, and more power in the hands of God.

If ever you want something badly and it hurts to think how far away you are from your dream, let this be your sign. For as long as you don't hurt or trample on anyone along the way, then go. Just go for it, whatever "it" is.

That was me talking to myself. :)

Ondoy and Planet Earth

2009-09-27T00:43:00.000-07:00

Ondoy, Ondoy Go Away, Don't Dare to Come Another Day

Yesterday, I was wondering how come there was a News Flash every fifteen minutes or so on TV. I was only hearing the opening music for the ABS-CBN news flash but I didn't really pay attention. I was only aware of what really happened til last night, when Cristine Reyes was begging for help as she was stuck on their rooftop with her family for eight hours. Little did I know about the extent of damage that Ondoy brought to Luzon.

I remember Manila to be prone to flood. But this one is crazy. Cars floating, people swimming amidst rainwater and even posh subdivisions seem to be floating as well. This picture from Yahoo images broke my heart.

People are swimming towards higher ground for safety. On my Twitter account, I read a lot of updates from local celebrities. The one that struck me most was @iloveruffag's post:

Chard said it was like the end of the world in Marikina. Pitch black, hundreds shouting for help,food. Most were angry,others were crying.

While I and other Davaoeños are so lucky to be in a typhoon-free zone, I think it is best for us to offer prayers for the victims of this typhoon. God bless the Philippines.

Weird Planet

Dad and I were chatting via Yahoo Messenger earlier. I told him about Ondoy. Then, he told me it snowed in Mongolia for a day then it stopped. Yesterday, it was freezing and today it was sunny and warm. His Mongolian officemates remarked that this was the first time they experienced such moody weather. And we both remembered the Red Dust in Sydney the other morning.

We only have one conclusion: Planet Earth is acting strange.

In other news..

Our cousins visited us! Yey! They live in Taytay, Rizal so we haven't seen each other in a gazillion years. Ate Jet and Kuya Jas used to visit us when we still lived in Bataan. We were growing up together when we were kids but sadly, we grew apart in the later years because my family and I moved to Davao. They're both older than me by four to six years (I never knew they're exact age) and they've always given me that "older sibling feeling" that I long for. It's nice chatting with them and their mom, Tita Flor. Our conversations have mostly evolved on how it was before when we were kids and how we are now. They still can't forget that I wanted to join Miss Philippines! Gaaah! It's truly great to have them here even for a few days.

On Vanity

2009-09-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

I saw a lady in the front seat of a jeepney, holding her camera phone at a certain angle and taking numerous photos of herself. Vain? Vain.

This is what I think of being vain. A vain person is someone who recently realized the magnitude of his/her own beauty and vows to do two things: one, to take full responsibility in maintaining that beauty and two, to prove it to the world. The thing is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Each of us are and can be beautiful. Hence, each of us have a tendency to be vain.

I believe that it all started with Friendster. Friendster requires users to post a profile picture and the magic started. From that moment, the population of photogenic people must have increased by 80%. And a lot of things followed that. More digicams, more dslrs, more photographers, Photoshop, etc.

Vain. Vanity. I have nothing against being vain. I sometimes pick up the camera and shoot photos of myself. And I scramble to be near the camera whenever a group photo is taken.

I don't think there is any problem with realizing the magnitude of one's beauty and taking full responsibility for it. But when one desperately tries to prove his/her beauty to the rest of the world, then it switches to "unbearable mode".

Examples of unbearable vanity? Some post every single shot they take of themselves. (Read: Fifty photos of oneself in different angles but with the same shirt.) And since vanity has become a semi-fad, a lot of poses evolved. I saw this album where a girl had thirty-something photos of herself doing only one pose : pouting. Some even go as far as buying a DSLR just to take better self-portraits. And someone even spilled iced coffee all over her blouse just because of vanity. Oops, that was me. Vain? Vain. HAHAHA.

The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that's laughable is vanity.
-Henri Bergson

Tagalog Tuesday

2009-09-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

Magtatagalog na ako. Pagod na ako sa kaka-spelling and grammar check.

Sa ulo ng mga balita..

Nakapaglagay na ako ng $2000.00 sa pitaka ko. Dati, pinahawak ako ng $6000.00. Oo, sumagi din sa isip ko ang tumakbo papuntang money changer. Pero bago ko pa man nagawa yun, ni-remind agad ako ng Tatay ko na dugo at pawis ang sinakripisyo niya para dun. So, okay. Kanina, $2000.00, katas ng Mongolia. Di ko maitatangkang itakas yun, kundi maraming mamumulupot sa gutom.
Kasama kami ni Mama at ni The Boy sa travel agency kanina. Bago kami umalis, sabi ni Miss G, "Magkapatid kayo?" Buti nalang di ko narinig. Kung narinig ko pa yun, nako! Tatanungin ko muna siya kung sino sa tingin niya ang mas matandang kapatid. Kung ano man ang isasagot niya, doon nakaratay ang hustisya! :))
Nakita ko ang kaklase ko nung elementary sa TV. Pareho kaming taga-section 4-Bataan, teacher namin yung kulot ang buhok na madaldal. Yung kaklase kong iyon, matalino, tahimik at maitim din. Sayang di ko naging seatmate, kundi potential puppy love na sana yun. Waaa. :) Andun siya sa TV nung isang gabi, isa siya sa mga volunteers ni Noynoy. Lalo siyang umitim kasi nakadilaw siya, eh bawal kaya yun sa aming lahi. Wala lang.
Naisip ko lang.. Kung hindi kaya ako magFacebook, may makakaalala pa kaya sa akin? Mawawala nalang ba ako bigla sa balat ng lupa? Mapuputol ba lahat ng friendships na nabuo ko hango sa totoong buhay at hindi sa FB? Ang puno't dulo ng lahat ng ito, importante ba talagang may Facebook? Oo, sagot ng mga naglalaro ng Farmtown. :|

***

Boredom.

Napansin kong panay akong binibisita nito. Madalas sa hapon, 1 to 4 pm. At sa gabi, 8 to 10 pm. Ito yung mga oras na nakatanim ang pwet ko sa plastic chair sa harap ng computer, naghahanap ng magagawa sa mundo ng internet. O di kaya nakahiga ako sa kama at nagbabasa ng isa sa mga sangkatutak na libro na di ko matapos-tapos basahin. Minsan, nakatunganga sa tibi at nilulunod ang sarili sa mundong hindi akin. At minsan, wala lang, nakahiga at humihinga. Simpleng buhay.

Madalas nagpapasalamat ako na hindi ako lalake. Kasi kung naging lalake ako, God knows kung ano ang mga pinanggagawa ko habang bored. Tulad ng magcomputer, at mag-ano.. online games. Saka yung ano.. magwork out. Saka yung iba pa. Basta! Buti nalang hindi ako naging lalake.

Babae nga ako pero hindi naman ako yung pa-girl. Hindi ako yung tipong kukuha ng digicam at itututok sa sarili, kukuha ng mahigit tatlong libong litrato ng sarili sa loob ng isang oras. Hindi rin ako yung nakatingin sa salamin at binibilang kung ilang pores ang bumukas, nagsara at lumobo ngayong araw. Hindi rin ako yung tipo na nagluluto pag bored. O sige, sinubukan ko minsan pero nasira lang tiyan ko. So wag nalang. At hindi rin ako mahilig mag-exercise. Oo, gusto ko magkaroon ng flat na tiyan. Pero umaasa at naniniwala pa rin ako sa himala.

Matagal na ako naghahanap ng solusyon sa aking pagka-bored. Given na hindi ako pwedeng magtrabaho sa ngayon, ano ba ang gusto kong gawin? Gusto kong magnegosyo. Gusto kong kumuha ng isang katutak na litrato ng kung ano-anong bagay. Gusto ko matuto ng French, Spanish, pagluluto, pagsayaw ng Salsa at Rumba, at pananahi. Gusto kong magsulat tungkol sa iba't ibang kalokohang pinasok ko. Gusto kong pumayat. Ang dami ko palang naisip na solusyon noh?

Naisip ko na ang boredom ay tunay na produkto ng utak na bored. Kung hinahayaan lang ng tao na tubuan ng lumot ang utak niya, tiyak na mangyayari yun. Iba ako. Gusto ko laging nasa "fun run" ang utak ko. Siguro, bored ako kasi napapagod din sa kaka-fun run ang aking neurons. *nerd*

So anong gagawin ko tuwing sasapit ang aking golden hours? Hindi pwedeng wala. Hindi ko na hahayaang katukin ako ng boredom. Run brain run!

Cross-processed

2009-09-20T01:28:00.000-07:00

I'm having a stormy day. To comfort myself, I listened to my bro's iPod, which gave me thirty minutes of rock music. I felt only a wee bit better so I diverted my attention to photographs.

I realized how my mood affected my work. I connect well with cross-processed and decolored photos.

This makes me wanna play the ukelele and sing, "Somewhere over the rainbow.. Bluebirds flyyyy.."

"How many times can a man turn his head and pretend that he just doesn't see? The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind.. The answer is blowin' in the wind.."

I find it odd yet comforting to know that I get a boost of creativity whenever I'm hit with the big D. I edited lots of photos from old phototrips today. Guess this is the silver lining in my dark clouds. :)

Flowery Amateurity

2009-09-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

These photos were taken months ago at the Agdao Public Market. I got bored so I edited some, pixelized some, deleted some. :)

Pink Roses for Innocence

Orchids. I am more fascinated with orchids than with roses.

This makes me sad. Tells me something about withering and fading.

And this allows me to reminisce. It feels like a scene from a dream.

I feel good with my edits today. Yey. :) And oh, I placed a counter on this site. Just for me to know if there are other people who read this, aside from the only two people in the world who know this page. :)

Who for President

2009-09-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

Interesting conversation. Yesterday, while we were waiting for the lab results at the doctor's clinic, Doc asked me who I will be voting for in the coming elections. I told him that although Noynoy Aquino and Gilbert Teodoro are making a lot of buzz lately, I don't really like either of them. And for that matter, it seems like I really have no other choice. The doc reacted to this. He told me that I just didn't know the achievement of Noynoy's parents that's why I'm not really enthusiastic about him. Eh?

I know Ninoy and Cory's achievements all too well and I believe they have contributed much effort for democracy. I also believe in their morality. Though it isn't safe to say that they are faultless, but maybe they are two of the few politicans who strived to keep their leadership clean and exemplary. Though I wasn't born at that time, I know they devoted a portion of their lives in the service of the Filipino people.

But Noynoy? Hmm. I still think he has more to prove. Kung sa mangga pa, I think he's the kind that looks ripe but it's actually sour inside. Presidency is not inherited, definitely. But, if he was raised by such moral and religious parents, maybe he's got a few tricks up his sleeve. Plus, his family was already wealthy even before they jumped to politics. I don't think money can still lure Noynoy to the wrong direction.

With this, the doctor told me that the country needs a leader that is moral, someone that can do a "general cleaning" on the "household". He believes that Noynoy could do that, if ever he wins.

In the coming election, if I haven't set my eyes on a specific candidate, I think I am inclined to vote for Noynoy. Just for the sake of voting.

It was the first time that I talked about politics with someone older, aside from my dad. it felt refreshing and empowering, making me realize that indeed I have a voice that matters, just like everyone else.

Baaaah. I've become such an activist. I owe this to the existence of a stagnant government that requires active people.

Amazing Race?

2009-09-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

In the last two days, I visited a doctor twice and a lawyer once. And I drove around the city with my sister and with brown envelopes tucked in our armpits sweating from the Davao heat. Eew.

It was all because my sister applied for this overseas thingy. She went for it on a whim, just to see how far she goes. And two days ago, we received a list of papers to be gathered. It was one big scavenger hunt. Today, we were on panic mode, trying to accomplish every thing before the day ends. I was driving as if I stole this huge van that is so unfit for a pandak woman driver like me. Every accomplishment on the list leads to another task. Ooh, it is so Amazing Race. And we're competing with eighty other students (plus their stage moms, dads or sisters) from all over the country. The funny thing is, my sis and I are trying to run after a deadline that already passed by. September 15!!! But since the documents came on the day of the deadline, thanks to bagyong Maring, we were given a leeway of two days. Two days!

But anyhow, I learned a lot.

I have better anger management skills. We had the documents photocopied and to our surprise, the photocopies missed two inches of the original page. I was at ultra panic mode that time. But instead of breaking down and burning the whole photocopy stall, I got all the docs and took them to another stall. Simple. No energy wasted for harsh words.
I am now able to choose wisely. Example, I bought Palabok instead of pizza. Haha, lame. :))
My (reckless) driving skills improved. I press the horn for three seconds at intersections to ward off those unruly taxis that sprout out of nowhere. Hehehe.
I have, for the nth time, discerned the difference between the effects of "action" and "reaction". Action gets you somewhere, reaction gets you nowhere.

***

The Boy's mother is really the nicest and most sincere.

Their family is on a trip to the other side of Mindanao. I was calling up The Boy to hear some updates but he didn't answer his phone. No biggie. Minutes later, his mom called me up and had a little chit-chat with me. It's like he took on the conversation that The Boy and I were supposed to have (minus the mushy gushy stuff of course). She even asked about the "Amazing Race" that we had. Awww.

She is truly the nicest. She never says anything that she doesn't mean. Behind a great guy is indeed a great mom. :)

Dang!

2009-09-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

Why didn't I think of this?! I had all the time (and resources hahaha) when I was single! Sayang, she got to score on so many hot guys pa naman!

I don't think I can dare to make a Pinoy version of this. I might contract so many diseases in ten kisses pa lang! Plus, not all Pinoy men are hunky, desirable and "respectful" compared to those French men that the Taiwanese girl kissed. Haha.

And no, I don't need a better idea.

Mama Update!

2009-09-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

Five to six months from the time she had a ruptured aneurysm, my mother is now able to do so much more.

She can now..

say our names with little difficulty.
say her own name without difficulty.
brush her teeth and wash her face on her own.
eat on her own, without having someone to assist her. Well, except when we're eating bangus.
remember the names of most of her friends, most of the city streets and most of the establishments here in the city.
count from one to infinity. :))
walk with minimal assistance. She walks around the neighborhood every night.
push the cart when we're doing groceries. She's even nitpicking on the stuff that I buy. Always checks if the stuff are mahal or mura.
go window shopping at Gaisano Mall for an entire afternoon! :)

Yey! My mom has shown so much improvement. At times, I feel like it is too much and too soon. But hey, recovery varies from one patient to another. I am just glad that she mustered enough willpower to achieve what she can do today. Aja Mama. :)

Yesterday, Mom and I visited the bank. Mom was a prominent figure in that bank since she used to go there almost every week and she was really good friends with the bank manager. When we got there yesterday, we realized that the bank had a new manager, a very friendly and accommodating lady. While I was filling out forms and withdrawing from the passbook, the new manager had a little chit-chat with Mama. I was a bit nervous because Mom has a tendency to panic and cry if she couldn't express herself. But yesterday was a surprise among all surprises. She communicated well with the bank manager, told her that she had three kids, I already finished college, she was a nurse many years ago and more of the motherly chit-chat that she was used to. Although Mama spoke in broken sentences, I could tell that she was relaxed as she answered the bank manager's questions.

The manager called me and told me that she was amazed at the recovery of my Mom. Well, so am I. :)

There are still a lot of things that Mama needs to achieve in order for her to be fully recovered. At this point, I'm already tired of being tired. I just want to support Mama in every step that she takes on her road to recovery.

Identity Crisis

2009-09-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

A house wife is a woman who opted or was designated to stay at home to do the household chores and focus on taking care of her kids.

I practically do the same. I stay at home and do a long list of household chores. Only, I am not married and I don't take care of my kids. Instead, I am taking care of my recovering mother.

So what am I?

A bum? I hate being called a bum. I am busier than most of the people my age who choose to stay at home and get allowance for just staying online on Facebook.

I know I'm too old to have identity crisis. And although, I was trained to become a nurse, what I'm doing now is still quite different. So I prefer to call my self a house daughter. Or a stay-at-home daughter. A daughter who chooses to do hands-on care to her mother instead of leaving her under the care of someone who just needs the money. :|

So yesterday, the second season of my House Daughter series officially started. The first season was last June and it only lasted for a month. This time, it's gonna be tougher and more exciting, like every drama series should be. Hahaha. Dad's gonna be away for two to three months and I'm figuring out on how to twist and turn and scrimp and save the budget that he left for us. Gaaaahh. Hope I won't go insane. :)

Update

2009-09-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

My dad's leaving the country this Monday so I've been terribly busy helping him prepare his stuff and preparing myself for his absence as well. Pffft. Part of this preparation is doing some adult stuff. Oh no, not the one you're thinking about.

Banks, billing offices, ticketing offices. Sheesh. These places only mean one thing to me: waiting in line. I hate hate hate standing in line for what seems like eternity. But what can I do, for as long as I'm in Pinas, I have to live with it. Gaaaaahhh.

Anyhow, I've been feeding my mind with some good stuff lately. Positive thinking. And it's taking effect on me. Gooood. :)

Here are some of the photos I worked on an hour ago.

Sunday tomorrow. Turning in early. Goodnight. :)

ilustrazion

2009-09-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

I felt like I went on a rollercoaster ride for a week and I only got to step off this afternoon.

I'm getting pretty good at paddling my feet under water while keeping a calm and collected appearance above water.

There is nothing that can't be resolved without communicating in a gentle voice.

I munched on large fries this evening without taking any breaths in between bites.

Okay the last one wasn't quotable at all. :))

Converted

2009-09-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

I am now a Paramita convert. :)

Verse 1:
Nahihirapan na ang aking isip
Nauubusan na ng sasabihin sa iyo..
Nanlalamig na ba ang pag-ibig mo sa ‘kin..
Giliw..

Verse 2:
Nalilito ako, nais kong sagipin ang ating
Nalulunod na pag-ibig
Nguni’t handa akong palayain ka
Kung ito ang ‘yong hiling
Gaano man kasakit sa akin
Ibibigay sa yo
Ang tanging pakiusap lang
Wag mo akong kalimutan..

Refrain:
Kay rami nang nagdaan
Na pagsubok sa ting pag-ibig
Kakayanin pa kayang mabawi pa
Ang mga nasabi nang masasakit na salita..

Kung ito ang yong hiling
Gaano man kasakit sa akin..
Ibibigay sa yo..

Nanlalamig na bang pag-ibig mo?

Hiling, Paramita

Marilog Monday

2009-09-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

Today's a national holiday so my family decided to drive up the mountains and enjoy some cool breeze. So we went to Marilog, one of my most favorite get-aways from Davao City.

Everyone's quite tired. By 7 pm, the whole household was fast asleep. Haha. I'm tired too. I had to get up at five thirty am to cook spaghetti as our baon. Baaa. But anyhow, it was all worth it. Inasmuch as I would like to post the cool pictures we had today, I'm just all out of energy.

I'm so thankful we decided to take that trip because I'm so bummed out with some personal stuff that's making me bonkers in the head. So yey for me, I got some time out. If there's anyone in the fam who got the most benefits from today, it was me. Haaah.

Gotta rest my restless mind. Goodnight.

Sundays

2009-09-06T06:04:00.000-07:00

I love Sundays because of the following reasons:

1. I have to make myself look good for church and what happens after that.
2. I can practice applying makeup on my mom who's willing to be a canvas for that purpose. Yey.
3. Lunch! Sunday lunch always has to be good. Today, we ate at Pizza Hut. Love.
4. Long afternoon naps. Or,
5. .. long afternoon TV marathon. Today, my sis and I watched 3 episodes of 90210 on Velvet. Then, by four o'clock, it's always a toss-up between The Buzz and Showbiz Central. We can't get enough of showbiz chismis!
6. Sunday dinner! Great homemade food!
7. In between all of these is the time for God. It's great just to be in His presence and to receive chunks of spiritual nourishment. :)

**

Eew

My mom and I were walking at SM today. We were trailing far behind my dad, bro and sis because mom still walks a bit slow. We came across this fifty-something foreigner, in his white shirt, denim shorts and tennis shoes. As he was coming near, he was staring at me so I thought I knew him from somewhere. Maybe a husband of an aunt perhaps? I wasn't sure. When he was finally close enough, he suddenly waved his hand at me! And he was even raising his eyebrows in a way that an old man shouldn't. Ugh.

I'm only 22. And I never got attracted to American guys. Well, I was, before. But he was half-Pinoy and he was young. And if ever I get to have a foreigner for a boyfriend, I want someone who's in the same level (and the same age) with Channing Tatum or Josh Duhamel. Not someone who's eons older than me. Naks, ang feeling naman o. Kinindatan nga lang ng kano! Hahaha!

The same scenario happened before and it got me thinking.. Hmm.. Mabenta pala ako sa poreyners ha?! And it also got me wondering.. Since most foreigners like certain types of women, does that mean I really look exotic? Hahaha!

Friday

2009-09-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

Interesting day. I went to my sister's school to get her report card. Since it was card giving day, parents of all shapes and sizes came to claim their kids' hard-earned or maybe lazily-earned grades. KC's classroom was all the way up in fourth floor, so I met a lot of teenagers on the way. Being surrounded by puberty, hormones, glasses, braces, pimples, and awkwardness, made me feel old for one millisecond. Though I still have those drastic hormonal shifts, I'm certainly way past puberty. Suddenly, I miss highschool. Not the school per se but the feeling, the hype, and the awkwardness, yeah.

Amidst all the mothers doing beso-beso, the dads giving firm handshakes with each other and laughing their business-ish laugh, I had a weird moment. A doña-looking mom approached me and said, "Hi! Sino ang anak mo? Ang bata mo pa and may anak ka ng fourth year!"OMG. I wanted to scream, "Because I AM REALLY YOUNG!" But I remembered my Christian values and the dozens of other Don and Doña parents around so I just smiled sheepishly and said, "Ay hindi ko po anak, kapatid ko." And her expression changed from glam doña to embarassed doña. Haha. Nevertheless, I still talked to her after that. It's always nice to rub elbows with people, especially the rich ones. They might hire you after the conversation. Haha. Oh no, she didn't hire me.

Parking in my sis school is very tedious so I opted to park a few blocks away, near my friend EJ's apartment. On my way home, I decided to pay him a visit. Bums need to visit bums at all costs! He was in his usual groggy self even at 3 pm. I missed that guy. He's truly a friend and a brother, one that I and our friends can kiss on the cheek or embrace without having any secret desires. And even though a lot of people claim that he's changed, I still know he's the same guy from before. How? He helped me back out of the parking space.

On my way out of Juna Subdivision, I passed by a house of my friend. I was merely passing by when I decided to visit Terro as well. Long time friends need to visit long time friends at all costs! Lol. Terro has been a friend since grade school, one of the very few people I enjoy having deep conversations with. And so, after almost ringing the doorbell of the wrong house, I had a good solid 15-minute conversation at the tindahan sa kanto. It's the kind of conversation that ends up with both of us being happy for each other. We're truly good friends.

I'm happy to have visited my two friends. Visiting friends is like refreshing good memories and rekindling flames in my happy thoughts. I felt unloaded after I talked to both of them. Well, til the next cardgiving day!

iConnect.

2009-09-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

Because I am a stay-at-home daughter, there's one thing that I have much of - time. Often when we have so much time, we easily get bored and we tend to slack off. And when we stay at home too long, we tend to lose connection with the outside world. Thanks to Facebook, Multiply and other social networking sites, I still keep in touch with my friends. But then, I recently discovered a website that allows me to connect to people from other parts of the globe through postcards.

Earlier this year, I joined Postcrossing. I first heard of it from my friend, Tornee. At first, she asked for copies of my photography, saying that she was making local postcards. So I agreed. Weeks later, I received a picture that I took turned into a postcard with a note at the back saying that the image has travelled to more than twenty countries worldwide! At first, I thought she was, you know, looking for love online by sending postcards and all that stuff. So I shrugged it off. But after sometime, I got eternally bored with FB and Multiply, came across Postcrossing, signed up, sent my first batch of postcards. I decided to be my artsy-fartsy self, so I made my own Davao City postcard.

This was taken at Matina Aplaya, and one of the images I'm most proud of. I printed five of these, sent them to the addresses assigned to me and voila! Two weeks later, I received some postcards!

Here's the first batch I got..

These are from Oxford, Russia, two from Finland, the Netherlands and the USA. Everytime Manong Postman rings our doorbell, it turns my day around! And it's because of the postcards I get, not because of Manong Postman ha. :)

I'm now excited and anticipating the arrival of my second batch. Cheers for Postcrossing! :)

Tidbits

2009-09-01T02:52:00.000-07:00

I realized something - I've been treating this blog in the same way that I treat anyone introduced to me for the first time. I've been awfully shy and superficial all this time. Maybe I still need more time and more posts so I can grow into this page.
I'm still wondering.. What is the best thing to do with my life? Weeks ago, it was a non-emo, non-philosophical answer. Now, it has turned otherwise. By the time I find my answers, I hope I can still write it here.
I'm a newbie in Facebook. I only started using it since April and haven't stopped eversince. It's crazy. My mind can't stop thinking of cool status messages that I could post. Or old pictures that I could share. I've become this hideous FB monster! Now I wish there was a "No Facebook Week". For sure, I can definitely finish all the work that I've been putting off since April. And my real-life friends would surely try to make real-life connections with me instead of writing on my Wall or Poking me on FB. As Dad said, it's just a matter of self-control. Tough luck, that's the number one thing I don't have. Haha.
Speaking of online accounts, I've revived my Multiply account. I was on the verge of abandoning it, eversince I stopped posting my photography works there. Now I realize how I need an online gallery and I'm too lazy to build a new network on Flickr. Unlike Flickr, Twitter was rather interesting and user-friendly, so I made one there instead. Teehee. :)
The buzz that Noynoy Aquino is running for President bothers me. It's like picking a yellow mango from a tree only to realize that it's still green and sour inside.

Ayan! I've posted enough blahs on this page, proof that I'm rubbing elbows with it. Bukas ulit! :)

Flowers and Money

2009-08-31T00:14:00.000-07:00

Floral Love

Edited a few photos today. This has to be my favorite set. :) I took some of these photos in our farm in Tupi, some were from the Agro Fair at SM. I don't have a green thumb but I''ve always loved looking at green stuff. :)

Love or Money?

If someone offered you $1,000,000.00 for a night with your wife / husband, would you accept it?

Most of us would probably say no, basing on the premise that love cannot be bought. But last night, I watched a very eye-opening movie that showed what could happen if someone actually traded his/her loved one for money. The lead male character was named David, an architect and her wife was Diana, a real estate broker. Earlier in the movie, they were enjoying a life of abundance until they were affected by the recession. The couple got laid off from their repsective jobs and they were losing their budget day by day. They were troubled with how they could pay off their debts and mortgage. One night, David decided to take Diana to Las Vegas. There, they met a billionaire named John Gage who was severely attracted to Diana. And afterwards, everything else happened on a whirlwind.

The title of the movie is Indecent Proposal, starring American actors and actresses whose names I have no idea at all. Haha. But since I started watching it during my bedtime and it kept me awake for two more hours, it's a good movie after all.

Semi-Lazy Weekend

2009-08-30T05:03:00.000-07:00

Saturday was busy. My dad and bro went out of town so only the Tres Marias - me, my sister and Mama - were at home. My sis joined the PMT chuva in their school and she's currently an officer. She and the other officers among her batch had a Silent Drill last Saturday at the UP Mindanao Campus, where they were invited to perform an intermission number for the sportsfest of several ROTC students from various schools. And because I am such a stage sister, I dragged The Boy to accompany me and went all the way up the bukid to watch them.

I wasn't a PMT officer so I was pretty impressed with what they did. March here, march there, straight line here and there. Their uniform is truly gorgeous; it made them look like they were from the PMA. And I guess the highlight was the rifle-throwing tricks that made the audience gasp each time. The crowd went wild too when they danced Nobody, a Hagibis song and some budots tune.

My sis comes from a classy private school. The audience in the program were from the not-so-sosyalan schools in the city. If the program happened during our time, there would be rampant backstabbing and nasty side comments from everywhere. However, this time, it was very different. I was standing among the audience and I never heard any rude remark or vicious comment from them; they just sat and enjoyed the show. If they gave any extreme remarks, either they were amazed or they were gushing at one of the hot cadets performing. Good to know that times have changed, if it did.

Today, Sunday, was oh so lazy. I went to church in the morning and stayed home in the afternoon, watched four episodes of 90210 and daydreamed of food. :)

---

I'm still in this happily-in-love bubble. Can't stop heaving sighs punctuated with a smile. Basta masaya. :)

Twenty-eight.

2009-08-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

Kinidnap ko si Lalake ngayong araw. Sinundo ko siya mula sa kanyang trabaho, sinama sa mga lakad na inutos ni King Triton. Kumain kami sa peyborit naming restaurant, yung sa tabing dagat. Kumain kami hanggang sa makita namin yung ilalim ng palayok ng Sinigang na Hipon. Panay pa tawanan namin, at malamang nakita ng waitress kanina ang mga kumikislap naming mga mata na parang mga adik na nakatira ng baby powder.

Mula pa nung dose anyos ako, naniniwala ako na may special power si Lalake. Meron syang relaxing energy na puno ng positivity at happiness, kahit hindi siya adik. Tuwing kasama ko siya, pakiramdam ko nakasakay ako sa carousel ng Enchanted Kingdom, nakangiti from ear to ear at ine-enjoy ang paligid kong umiikot. Hindi ako makapaniwala na may nakilala akong taong may dalang calming effect sa akin, mas matapang pa sa SalonPas. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyari sa akin sakaling wala sya sa buhay ko nung mga nakaraang buwan. Naloka na siguro ako.

Gustong-gusto ko yung pagspoil niya sa akin, kahit wala akong hinihingi o dinedemand sa kanya. Gusto ko yung style niya na sinasabi nya yung mga salitang dapat kong marinig, at hindi yung gusto ko lang marinig. At ang saya ng pakiramdam na tuwing naglalakad kami, parang may magnet ang mga kamay namin na automatic nagdidikitan na agad. I love his real, pure and positive presence. Walang preservatives. :)

2009-08-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

Pink Ba?

Earlier this year, nagkasakit ang nanay ko. Bigla naming nalaman na may ruptured aneurysm sya. Delicate yun na kondisyon; nagstay sya sa ICU ng mga tatlong linggo, habang ako ay naka-"admit" din sa Watcher's Area ng Davao Doctors Hospital, natutulog sa mga upuan na parang nakasakay ng Bachelor Express papuntang Butuan. Nagkaroon ako ng bedsores doon, pramis.

Nung mga panahon na yun, ang consciousness ni Mama parang switch ng ilaw - on and off. May mga araw na gising sya at nakatitig sa akin o sa mga bisita niya. May mga araw din na parang mantika siya matulog. Ngayon, after five months, nasa bahay na siya, nagpa-praktis maglakad at magsalita.

Nagkukuwentuhan kami ni Mama kaninang umaga tungkol sa time na nasa hospital pa sya. Eversince, lagi niyang sinasabi na wala syang maalala sa nangyari nung sumakit ang ulo niya hanggang sa nakalabas siya ng hospital matapos ng mahigit isang buwan. Pero kanina, bigla niyang nasabi na may naalala daw sya.

Pink na kuwarto, nakahiga sya mag-isa, malamig, may glass na mga pinto at may mga taong dumadaan-daan sa labas.

Ang una kong naisip, "Shef umabot si Mama sa purgatoryo."

Pero bigla ko ring naisip, pink ba ang kulay ng mga kuwarto sa ICU ng Davao Doc?

Ewan sa buwan. :)

***
Trabaho!

Limang buwan na ang nakalipas mula nung ma-ospital si Mama. Limang buwan na rin akong hindi nagtrabaho.

Bago nangyari ang mala-telenobelang kabanata sa aming buhay, nagtuturo ako ng English at kabulastugan sa mga batang Koreano. Dakdak ako ng dakdak mula alas tres ng hapon hanggang alas nuwebe ng gabi, pera na agad. At dahil mataas ang sahod at laway ko lang ang puhunan, nalihis ako sa aking pagiging nurse.

Malayo na rin ang naabot ng mga kaibigan kong nurse na. Ngayon, pag tinatanong ako ng mga echoserang taong hindi ko close kung anong trabaho ko, ang sarap sumagot na Company Nurse ako ng Lopez Group of Companies or OR nurse ako sa Mindanao Heart Center. Pero hindi eh. Simpleng nurse ako na piniling magsilbi sa Nanay kong mas kailangan ako kesa ng mga empleyado ng mga Lopez.

May mga taong ibinabase ang buong katauhan mo sa iyong trabaho. Kaya kung minsan, ang sarap magsinungaling tungkol sa aking hanap-buhay. Ang sarap sabihing pari ako, o professional wrestler or miyembro ng Secret Service para lang matahimik ang 35,000 na echosera sa mundo. Minsan di naman masusukat ang halaga ng isang tao sa kanyang trabaho lamang.

Pero di ko maipagkakaila na napapaisip din ako. Ano nga ba ang gagawin ko sa anakngtipaklong kong buhay?

Siyempre sa ngayon, nakatutok ako sa paggaling ng Nanay ko. Parang yan ang aking pradyek-pradyekan kuno. At pag gumaling na siya, ano na?

Madaling bumalik sa trabaho ko bilang tutor ng mga Koreans, lab na lab ako ng mga bata at matanda dun. Marinig lang nila ang boses ko, chikahan in barok English na agad. Pero nakakapagod din ang ingles ng ingles, grammar ng grammar. Napupurol ang kaliwang bahagi ng utak ko, di na ako makakasali sa Game Ka Na Ba.

Kung ipagpapatuloy ko ang pagiging nurse, tiyak na matutuwa ang sambayanang Maa. Pero ang siste, hindi ko talaga feel ang hospital. At masyadong matagal akong nagliwaliw na halos di ko na alam kung paano magcompute ng drop rate ng IVF. In short, mukhang napapanis na ako.

Pero pwede namang magtraining. Balak ko pumasok bilang trainee sa isang ospital, yung maliit lang para di mabulgar ang aking mga kalokohan. At balak ko talagang mag-specialize bilang psychiatric nurse. Magbinuangay mi sa akung pasyente.

Kung papipiliin ako, ayoko na bumalik sa puting mundi ng narsing. Gusto ko talagang maging doktor mula nung bata pa ako. Kaya lang naman ako nakumbinse mag-aral ng Narsing kasi maganda siyang pre-Med course. Pero palaka! Bente dos na ako at di pa ako nakaapak sa Med school. Kung kasing mura lang sana siya ng isang kilo ng durian...

Limang buwan na ang nakalipas mula nung ma-ospital si Mama. Limang buwan na rin akong hindi nagtrabaho. Namimiss ko ng gumala tuwing petsa kinse at petsa trenta at magpaka-bongga. Namimiss ko nang maglista ng mga mamahaling bagay na bibilhin ko pag nakaipon ko, at sa huli di ko naman nabibili. At namimiss ko yung pakiramdam na may na-achieve akong churvaloo sa aking buhay.

Hay buhay. Ano nga ba ang magandang gawin sayo??

Kuwento Lang

2009-08-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

Almost my entire day was spent at the Alexian Brothers Wellness Clinic. I took my parents there for a check-up and we ended up staying there longer than we planned.

I took Mom to the OB-Gyne. Dad visited his cardiologist. Haaaah. I can only wish that when I get older, I hope I don't need to spend thousands of pesos for hospitalization.

While in the area, I realized how I immediately wore my "health care worker" mentality. What to do, where to go next, what the doctor meant. It was a relief to know that after many years of not practicing, I still knew quite a lot of stuff.

***
The First Car

My brother is in the age of having "the first car". In our family, "the first car" is never synonymous with "brand new car" or "flashy look-at-me car".

My first car was the one I had a few scratches on while trying to drive out of the garage. Or the one that caused traffic on an intersection because it broke down. It's the one I used to run errands to a nearby store just for the sake of practicing how to drive, while being careful that none of my crushes would see me actually driving that piece of junk. On Sundays, I used it to take our family to church. We would leave the house thirty minutes earlier just so I have enough reasons to drive slow and avoid getting caught because I didn't have a license then. And of course, the first car was the one I used for most of my escapes. Definitely, the first car is the one that gave me most of my experience.

Now that my brother is 19, he was given his own car. A Toyota Corolla 1990 model. Broken driver's seat door, screeches when you step on the break, no stereo, and the engine suddenly goes off when you stay too long on first gear. But it's black, with leather seat covers. And it runs smooth, no clanging sounds when passing by an uncemented road. Not bad.

Though bro still has a student license, he already drives around with me or our licensed family buddies. So far, the car broke down on an intersection, fell on the shoulder and locked my brother out with the keys inside. I wish him more learning experiences with the first car.

Hip Hip..

2009-08-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to say "hooray" for reviving my old blogspot page, but then I felt disappointed when I found out that I actually can't import my wordpress posts here. Boooooo.

I've been blogging at wordpress for months now. But the templates on their site aren't really matching my creativity juices. I feel limited and boxed. I miss blogspot.

But sadly, I can't move my pages here. Aaaaccckkk. :(

But anyway, hooray! Because I got this spanking layout. Yeah! :)

Here's what I worked on minutes ago..

And this is what I worked on last night..

Fourteens

2008-01-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

On January 14 some time ago, I received the oddest proposal. It happened at a bakeshop, over a few pieces of ensaymada and a bottle of Sprite. It was after class. As I was answering my assignment, he worked his speech beside me, beating around the bush. He told me about the weather and how much it rained on January. Then he talked about how time flies. Then suddenly, he was telling me what a good couple we could be if only I answered his question. I stopped writing.

In the exact moment that he was about to say something, a friend passed by our table and asked to borrow an extra pen. I fished my bag for a pen and gave it to her.

I focused back on my assignment and he went on with his speech. I could tell by his lines that everything was scripted: he had to start from the top again. Weather. Time. Us being a good couple. I wanted to laugh out loud. Then, he asked me to look into his eyes.

I started to nervously shift my gaze towards him when another friend (girl) passed by, asking if I wanna go home with her. She figured out that she just interrupted something so she said she will wait for me outside the bakeshop. I looked at him and I saw beads of sweat trickling from his forehead. It must have been agonizing, I thought as I continued answering my assignment.

"So I was saying..", he said as he started off again. His voice trailed away, I was lost in thought. I started to put my things in my bag as I reflected, not minding his litany. Of the time that he has been following me around, he never talked to me this way. And I haven't seen him as jittery as that time. He was always smiling and singing, with those eyes that enclose huge mysteries. Being with him felt good, as cozy as lying on a couch. But I believed he was of a different level, a notch higher than mine. His intentions were a blur; I was unsure of him. Yet of myself, I was sure.

Just as I concluded my thoughts, he popped the million-dollar question.

I received the oddest proposal. The smell of fresh bread and wiffs of asphalt showered with rain reminded me much of that day and how I have never been the same since then.

Today is January 14. As rain started to pour this afternoon, I pondered if he still thinks of how much it rained in January and how much time flies without even noticing it. He looked at me, I looked at him and we smiled at each other contentedly.

Of Sobriety

2007-12-08T03:48:00.000-08:00

First of all, let me say I'm no heavy drinker. Eversince that one ugly night when I discovered my poor tolerance for hard liquor, I delighted myself in beer. And Margarita, which acts as a placebo to me. And Erg, vodka plus guarana. That's it.

In preparation for my Nursing Licensure Examination, I stopped drinking. If I didn't get wildly drunk for two crazy nights last June, I might not have resolved to stop. And if it wasn't scientifically proven that beer destroys neurons, I might have dealed with the pressure and tension of the NLE by drinking.

For five months, I was sober. No beer. No Margarita. No Erg. Nada.

Immediately, I felt how good it helped me when I stopped drinking. No more "I-wanna-forget-last-night" dilemmas. No more going home in the wee hours of the morning and waking up too early with a feeling of having a huge head. More savings. More emotional control. More completely wonderful night-outs that weren't partially drowned with alcohol. I felt great.

But I couldn't say that in those five months, I strayed away from temptation. Hell no. When I went out with my non-Nursing friends. They party hard and drink ice cold beer from the bottle. Sometimes I just wanna snatch the bottle off their hands and gulp the beer down to the last drop. Or when I'm feeling the "blues", I just wanna run to Manang's Sari-Sari Store and finish a whole grande by myself.

Yes, I stuck to my resolution. Until last night. Teeheee. =)

I had one, two, three, four 500 ml bottles. On my fourth bottle, I was laughing boisterously, spilling some beans that I never should have. Walking mindlessly from one area to another. Talking. Leaving my shoe behind. Talking some more. Smiling without any reason. At the end of the night, my head was sore.

And as I woke up today, the headache got worse. With which, I realized, God I feel way better when I wasn't drinking. I know, masarap talaga ang beer pero hindi masaya malasing ng sobra. At magkahang-over. Heck.

I know that this could very well pass as a testimonial for Alcoholics Anonymous pero naaaah. No resolutions for now. Just realizations.

SHOT!

Nung Isang Araw..

2007-12-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

Dito kami pumunta. Hindi yan sa France. Hindi rin yan sa bakuran namin. Kahit mukha siyang lumot, hindi yan lumot.

Ito ang soccer field ng Agro, dito sa Davao City. Hindi ko alam kung anong hangin ang pumasok sa utak ko at bigla kong naisipang sumama sa mga kaibigan kong si Mamu (yung nasa litrato), Esme, at Leah. Bitbit ang aking camera, bumuntot ako sa kanila at inaliw ang sarili sa kakapindot ng aking camera. Ansayaaaa. Langit na ba ito inay?

Masaya mag-ikot-ikot sa Davao pag gabi, lalo na ngayong malapit na ang Pasko. Kahit hindi gaanong gumagastos ang siyudad para sa paglalagay ng magagarbong ilaw, may iba namang establishments na nagtiyagang magkabit ng pandagdag atraksyon. Tulad nalang ng Marco Polo Davao. Tuwing December, pinaka-inaabangan ang kanilang dakilang Christmas Tree na naka-paskil sa pader. Manghang-mangha ako sa nagdesign ng Christmas Tree na yun, napakapantay ng bawat angle. Paano niya kaya yun ginawa? Ginamitan ng malaking protractor? Higanteng tape measure? Wala lang, ang galing talaga.

Binalita kahapon sa local news na sinindihan na raw ang mga ilaw sa Rizal Park. Aha. Mapasyalan nga.