On Repeat

Songs that tickle my neurons.

• Perfectly Lonely (John Mayer) This is SO me.
• Hey Soul Sister (Train) Love the happy beat.
• Hands Down ( Dashboard Confessional) The words are epic.
• Tattooed on My Mind (D'Sound) I didn't know the meaning of this song til I felt it for myself.
• Five Candles (Jars of Clay) "I would jump if I knew you'd catch me." Exactly.
• Sitting, Wishing, Waiting (Jack Johnson) There you go.
• Perfect Day (Collective Soul) My feel-good morning song. :)

I got a feeling there'll be more in the coming days.

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Lord, thank you for letting this happen. All of this. I'm embracing this twisted life with full acceptance and enthusiasm. Amen. :)

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I'm thrilled to start working. VERY thrilled! :D

I Must Be Sick

Suddenly my life is not my own. I'm a zombie.

How did this happen? A week ago, I was completely the opposite of who I am now. It's like fate turned a switch on or moved a few things around. It's like gates have been opened; whether it's to my favor or not, time will tell. Funny how friends see positive changes in me, changes I can't even see for myself.

I haven't listened to mushy songs for ages. Now it's both a hobby and a torment that I endure.

I smile effortlessly. I find so much peace in being with myself and you on my thoughts.

I'm waging a war against emotion and reason. A single hint of you and I lose the battle each time.

Clinging on the cliff. Afraid to fall. Definite that the ground is barren beneath. But hoping that maybe, just maybe, I could fly. 

I can't write enough. I can't write everything. I can't write simply because my mind plays reruns that are quicker than my thoughts. I can't write because I don't want to express; I want to keep it to myself and dissolve it within. Maybe it will all go away. Maybe I will be cured.

Awesome Lines

From one of my all-time favorite bands, Dashboard Confessional.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I'd die happy."

And another one from Snow Patrol.

If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

A story in just a few words.

LEGEN.. wait for it.. DARY

My night out with the boys last night was epic.
Legendary. 
Momentous. :)

I hate this part right here.

This morning I deleted my Facebook account to avoid the sudden urge to publicize my personal life. And now, to save me from posting my entire misery on my twitter account, I decided to write.

I hate this part right here.

I'm going through a rough patch. That certain part in your life when you feel like everything isn't going as planned, isn't as great as they should be, isn't as wonderful as others have it. It's this point where all aspects of my life are down. I've got the blues. Crying won't help, writing won't help, drinking won't help, talking won't help. I think I'm practically empty-handed; the only one I have left is God.

I think the heaviest and sappiest part of this bluesy feeling is the fact that my long distance relationship is on the rocks. No, boulders. We rarely talk. We exchange messages only two times a day, compared to the hundreds of messages we exchange all the time. I don't know what's going on with his life and I doubt if he knows what I'm crawling through. Everything is truly blurry. I've been calling him up endlessly since ten pm last night and he has no utter intention of picking up the phone. I've evolved into this purple pathetic monster.

Part of me wants to go out and make a mess out of myself. Part of me just wants to sit and sulk, wait for the call or message that won't seem to arrive.

I used to wonder what would happen in case I stop believing. I guess this is it. I know the place where I am now. It's called the lowest low.

"But I believe in you so much,
I could die from the words that you say.
I'm chasing the ghost of a good thing."

I never thought I would find myself in this place again. I thought I already graduated from insane events like this. And here I am again. It sucks.