I hate this part right here.

This morning I deleted my Facebook account to avoid the sudden urge to publicize my personal life. And now, to save me from posting my entire misery on my twitter account, I decided to write.

I hate this part right here.

I'm going through a rough patch. That certain part in your life when you feel like everything isn't going as planned, isn't as great as they should be, isn't as wonderful as others have it. It's this point where all aspects of my life are down. I've got the blues. Crying won't help, writing won't help, drinking won't help, talking won't help. I think I'm practically empty-handed; the only one I have left is God.

I think the heaviest and sappiest part of this bluesy feeling is the fact that my long distance relationship is on the rocks. No, boulders. We rarely talk. We exchange messages only two times a day, compared to the hundreds of messages we exchange all the time. I don't know what's going on with his life and I doubt if he knows what I'm crawling through. Everything is truly blurry. I've been calling him up endlessly since ten pm last night and he has no utter intention of picking up the phone. I've evolved into this purple pathetic monster.

Part of me wants to go out and make a mess out of myself. Part of me just wants to sit and sulk, wait for the call or message that won't seem to arrive.

I used to wonder what would happen in case I stop believing. I guess this is it. I know the place where I am now. It's called the lowest low.

"But I believe in you so much,
I could die from the words that you say.
I'm chasing the ghost of a good thing."

I never thought I would find myself in this place again. I thought I already graduated from insane events like this. And here I am again. It sucks.