Thursday

I’ve been reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Now I want to do a lot of things: travel, be with myself, meet new people, try different cuisines, enjoy the beauty of this world. I can relate a lot with how the author felt. I realized that, with the length of time I spent with The Boy, I actually feel like I’m going through a bad divorce without the papers and rights to stuff.

She conquered depression and loneliness through travelling, learning a new language, a new faith, and different cultures. I wonder how I could conquer mine. And as I say that, I’m not even discouraged or anxious. I am excited. :)

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Dad handled a whole day workshop today with people from the church. And because they’re people from church, he can’t simply light a cigarette and smoke when he wants to. He might get kicked out of his own racket. A few minutes ago, he pulled up on the driveway after the grueling day. He took his things inside the house, went to the garden, pulled out his red pack of cigarettes and smoked. I could hear him say “Aaaahh!”

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Today I accompanied Mom to her physical therapy session. I initially planned on just sitting there and using free Wifi the entire time or reading a book. But when I got there, I wasn’t able to do any of these.

As soon as Mom settled in her cubicle, I took my seat in the middle of the room where the chairs were. I was surrounded by rehab equipment, therapists and disabled people. I couldn’t describe the feeling I had as I looked around the room. These were people with disabilities - unable to walk, speak, write, and even comprehend - and here they were, working their asses off and paying tons of money just to be fully functional again. I believe it was hard for them and yet there they were, pushing on pedals, lifting weights, tinkering with gadgets. To my surprise, they even had smiles on their faces.

At that moment, I thought to myself. Look at you. Look at them. Who has the world on their shoulders? What a shame. I’ve been having this pity party for myself for months now. What illness do I have? A broken heart? Sheesh. It hurts but somebody else is feeling more hurt than I am. I am blessed, I am happy. From now on, I wil smile at the world with the hopes that it will smile back at me.

On another note, I miss helping strangers.

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And I want to say something. A part of me is truly and irrevocably happy. :)