Loose Association

I can be as miserable as I want to be but I'm not. It's still a surprise for me how I'm not making my eyes bleed each night by sobbing, knowing how much of a crybaby I am. Probably, what happened to my mom has helped to keep my emotions intact.

But I do admit I miss the person I used to connect with, 24/7. I wish I could have those late night talks with him again. Or hold his hand, both in public and in private. Looking into his eyes would greatly comfort me right now. I miss the only man I love. Yeah, cheesy.

As of now, I believe it would take a miracle for us to communicate. Even a single message from him is impossible.

I've repeated the "separation story" more than ten times to different people. From time to time, I get varied advice on what to do and how to go about the situation. I realized, whoever coined the maxim "Follow your heart" must have received so many advice to the point that he too got confused on what to do.

If I were to follow my heart, I certainly know what it wants. The problem is how do I get it?

I went out with my friends today and I learned how talking about the situation eases the burden. It is certainly not the best time for me to be alone. While walking round the mall, I can't help but hate those happy couples walking past. Bitter Ocampo hahaha. But the true comfort of the day is knowing that my friends are rooting for my happiness. Period.

Another thing that surprises me is my willingness to take risks. I guess this goes back to my mom's situation, when I saw for myself how life is too short.

If God forgives and gives chances, I wish humans would too.

These thoughts are fleeting. I am both scared and comforted with the fact that these may change in a few days or weeks time. I hope and pray for the best.

I'll be going to bed. It takes me an hour before I finally get to sleep. Nowadays, hell means getting up in the morning and going to bed. Aaahh, I should stop being ungrateful.

***

I noticed that the readers' counter have increased a lot! To those reading this, thank you so much. Pardon me for all the mush I've been writing lately but maybe that prompts you to keep on reading right? Haha. I just want you to know that comments will highly be appreciated. Friends tayong lahat! :)