On First Love

I am 22 years old. At this point, most people my age already met their first love. Although some have completely let go of their first love, to others, it has become their only love.

So I met him when I was 12, on the first day of school. I must say, I didn't really fall in love instantly. But I clearly remember that we were both smiling and looking into each other's eyes when we exchanged names in that certain corner of the classroom. Pardon me for being cheesy but my life was never the same since then.

Our story is quite long, and only both of us knew the original and heartfelt version. But to shorten the whole ten years, we first became bestfriends. Soon after, the friendship grew deeper until we eventually liked each other. Because we were still teens, we liked other people too and had relationships with others along the way. But then, one day, he courted me. I said yes. And since it seemed like applied physics for both of us, we parted ways when we reached college. Even if we lost the relationship, we remained good friends through the course of time. And even if we were single, we didn’t commit to anyone else. Until four years later, we found ourselves in each other's arms again.

It's good to be with your first love for a million reasons. And though I can't cite all of them, let me give a few. Primarily, the conversations couldn't get any better. We often talked about our childhood before we met each other, our highschool life, and future plans which aren't necessarily for us together. It was truly nice to share those long talks and walks with him. Also, I can't overlook the beauty of knowing someone for a long time. I don’t know him completely, but I have a good idea of who he is and vice versa. He knew how to turn my day around and make me smile even in the most boring hours of the day. He simply understands me. At the same time, being with my first love was not hard for my family; it actually spared them of their fear that I might date some rebel, addict, or maniac. In a way, they were confident whenever we went out. And finally, sticking with the first love gave us thousands of memories together. At times, we would just sit, pick one memory among the thousands, and laugh or cry about it. Doing that pretty much consumes the time during our dates and bonding sessions.

But as I grew older, I also learned a few cons. And I've been learning more recently. When we were still together, we lived in this bubble where only he and I existed. But then, I realized that we live in a huge world full of possibilities. Being chained to my first love limits the experiences that I can have in this world. I realized I want to experience a wonderful detachment, one that allows me to see the world and be myself while being loved and supported by someone special. Also, I suddenly thought that though my age seems mature, I still consider myself young with lots of years ahead of me. Even so, I am confronted with the question, what if the person I liked when I was 12 will not be the same person I will love when I'm 30? I must admit, sometimes I wish I met my first love when I was a bit older. At least by that time, we wouldn't have to wait too long. And by that time, we would just have to make it happen. And finally, I realized that people my age have a track record of five to six relationships. I only have two; one with my neighbor and from that you know it was fleeting, and another with my first real love. Period. At times, I wonder whether I’m missing out on some things. But I got distracted with the beauty of staying with my first love, I didn’t pretty much dwell on what I was missing. Now, I have the chance to find out.

Someone I knew had a theory – the person you end up with should be different from your first love. She said by doing so, it reveals how you have matured from the time you met your first love until the time you decide to tie the knot. But still, I’ve heard of people who end up with their first love, come what may. And there are some who end up with someone else only to realize they want to be with the person they first learned to love. But then, I also heard a story of how a man turned his back on a long-term relationship with his first love just because of someone new. These possibilities truly scare me. And yet, there are still others who are in their 20s and still waiting for their first love.

Our story evolved within ten years. I’ve always received jokes that it could qualify as an episode of MMK or it deserves to be a telenovela. And in ten years time, we pretty much covered most of the relationship status options in Facebook, except for Married and Engaged. Ten years. The roots have crept towards the deepest part of the ground, making it grueling to remove. I don’t think my life will ever be the same.

I am 22 years old and I already met my first love. Though I am quite unsure whether this is the only love I’ll ever have, I believe I enjoyed every bit of it. They say first love never dies. But I contend that true love never ends. In my case, I hope it won’t.

Of Dreams

Have you ever wanted something so badly that the mere thought of it crushes your heart?

Each of us has a dream. We all have visions of how we imagine our lives to turn out in the long run, no matter how much of a slob or a workaholic we are today. As these dreams arise, our drive to pursue them almost becomes an instinct or even a working premise for our day-to-day living. Little by little, these dreams sink into our consciousness and define us, even if we haven't achieved them yet.

In the process of yearning to be what you want to be, encountering setbacks is inevitable. One of these trials is the source of encouragement. When we recognize our dreams, we often share it to our support systems - family, friends, mentors, and the like. However, no matter how strong we express our desire to achieve, not everyone will be as encouraging and as positive as we wish them to be. Some may tell us that the path to your dream is exhausting and daunting. Others may tell us that today, practicality precedes personal ambition. And some, upon hearing our ambitions, just shrug it off, comparing your dream to the farthest star.

But despite this, there will also be people who will encourage us. They are the ones who prod us and say, "Go." And we find it amazing to see how a mere push allows us to go far. These are the people who seemingly form an armor that helps us move forward towards our goals. And more often than not, the words that encouraging people tell us are the ones that stay with us the most. Perhaps that's what dreamers should do: hold on to words of encouragement, let go of the thoughts that dampen our will.

Our will resides within us. Our will is not in the hands of our parents, our forefathers or the people we need to please. Our desire to achieve lies in our hearts and not in somebody else's. Our dreams are our own. And it's up to us dreamers whether we want to achieve them or let go of them. There is power in our will, and more power in the hands of God.

If ever you want something badly and it hurts to think how far away you are from your dream, let this be your sign. For as long as you don't hurt or trample on anyone along the way, then go. Just go for it, whatever "it" is.

That was me talking to myself. :)

On Vanity

I saw a lady in the front seat of a jeepney, holding her camera phone at a certain angle and taking numerous photos of herself. Vain? Vain.

This is what I think of being vain. A vain person is someone who recently realized the magnitude of his/her own beauty and vows to do two things: one, to take full responsibility in maintaining that beauty and two, to prove it to the world. The thing is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Each of us are and can be beautiful. Hence, each of us have a tendency to be vain.

I believe that it all started with Friendster. Friendster requires users to post a profile picture and the magic started. From that moment, the population of photogenic people must have increased by 80%. And a lot of things followed that. More digicams, more dslrs, more photographers, Photoshop, etc.

Vain. Vanity. I have nothing against being vain. I sometimes pick up the camera and shoot photos of myself. And I scramble to be near the camera whenever a group photo is taken.

I don't think there is any problem with realizing the magnitude of one's beauty and taking full responsibility for it. But when one desperately tries to prove his/her beauty to the rest of the world, then it switches to "unbearable mode".

Examples of unbearable vanity? Some post every single shot they take of themselves. (Read: Fifty photos of oneself in different angles but with the same shirt.) And since vanity has become a semi-fad, a lot of poses evolved. I saw this album where a girl had thirty-something photos of herself doing only one pose : pouting. Some even go as far as buying a DSLR just to take better self-portraits. And someone even spilled iced coffee all over her blouse just because of vanity. Oops, that was me. Vain? Vain. HAHAHA.

The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that's laughable is vanity.
-Henri Bergson

ilustrazion

I felt like I went on a rollercoaster ride for a week and I only got to step off this afternoon.

I'm getting pretty good at paddling my feet under water while keeping a calm and collected appearance above water.

There is nothing that can't be resolved without communicating in a gentle voice.

I munched on large fries this evening without taking any breaths in between bites.

Okay the last one wasn't quotable at all. :))