Top 10 Songs For The Scorned Lover

So there are lots of times when I’d rather listen to music rather than write down or talk about my thoughts. It is truly a comfort to know that someone might have felt the same way as I did. These songs are ready-made statements for my sentiments.

If you’re looking for ballads and tear-jerkers, you won’t find ‘em here. This is my personal collection of angst-filled break up songs.

1. “Gives You Hell” by All-American Rejects. Blunt, real and a sure-fire hit.
2. “You Oughtta Know” by Alanis Morrisette. On full blast while cleaning up the mess. :)
3. “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt. I first heard this song when I was in fourth grade and I still love it.
4. “The Brilliant Dance” by Dashboard Confessional. So you bury all your lover’s clothes and burn the letters lover wrote but it doesn’t make any better. ‘Nuf said.
5. “Good F*cking Bye” and “Radio” by Alkaline Trio. Matt Skiba sounds like a veteran of break-ups. Though both songs are easy to listen to, they’re actually filled with so much angst. And I love em. Haha.
6. “Best I Ever Had” by Vertical Horizon. It’s not so bad, you’re just the best I ever had. I remember a male friend who sings this everytime he gets dumped. Each ex was the best for him. LOL. :|
7. “Love Hurts” by Incubus. But sometimes it’s a good hurt and it feels like I’m alive. Songs like this will get you by.
8. “Tea and Sympathy” by Jars of Clay. For the immediate post break-up moment.
9. “The Fight Is Over” by Urbandub. Gave all this time just to be let down.
10.  “Stitches and Burns” by Fra Lippo Lippi. A poetic masterpiece.

Runners up: Die MF Die by Dope, Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake, I Don’t Love You by MCR. :D

DABDA ii

I'm one pathetic monster.

Being in bed is hell. Waking and sleeping is too arduous for me; my mind can't seem to stop having memory marathons. I sleep late, I wake up late.

I went out alone. My first soloflight drinking experience. Drinking alone is fun, with a hint of sarcasm.

I am not myself. I am useless. I'd rather go out than stay at home. Idle moments bore holes into my heart.

Emo. That's who I am. Can I save myself from all of this?

I know I need to divert my attention but I can't.

I'm not crying every night. I'm not drunk all week. I am just plain sad. I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want.

It's not good for me to be alone during this times. And yet I am.

All of these things seem to say one thing. Hello depression.

It's been a month since we broke up. I'm like a car stuck in mud and my engines are roaring, almost on the brink of exhaustion. I want all of the drama to stop.

I just want to bounce back. Be productive. Smile again.

I know I'm on my way there.

Summer Nostalgia

I was supposed to share this album last March. But hey, I think photographs tend to hold so much memory as they age. 

"Another sun-soaked season fades away.."

"You have stolen my heart.."

 "Launched a thousand ships in my heart so easily.."

"Walking away as the sky fades to gray."

Welcoming new seasons and reasons to celebrate.

Cheers to the joy of friendship.

Your college friends know who you are. But highschool friends will always know why.

I want more shooots! :)

Random i

I didn't even like the song 'til I heard you sing it. It was a trap. I know years from now, I'll feel a wave of nostalgia whenever I hear that song.

They were just poetic words set to slow music. Altogether, these words suddenly formed the soundtrack of my life.

But you're wrong. I now remember you with every love song I hear.

I never thought ballads could still penetrate my subconscious.

You make every love song matter.

Still.

Contemplating.


Discerning.

Wondering.

Dreaming.

Weighing.

Loving.

Praying.



STILL.

Voted!

This day holds a historical event in the Philippines - the first ever automated elections. Even if I was down with colds, cough and fever, I coerced myself to get up, go out there, and cast my vote.

I was watching TV in the morning. The news revealed nothing but negativity - malfunctions here, anomalies there, etc. I thought I was gonna wait for four hours before I could vote.

My bro and I went to the precinct with our gear - my camera, a bottle of water, and my two cellphones. Surprisingly, when we got there, there was no line for our polling precinct. We waited for a few seconds then we were ushered in. Ten minutes later, I was done shading. I inserted the ballot into the machine that looked like a trash bin but I hope it isn't so. Then the guy marked my nail with an indellible ink. Done.

While shading, I remember being conscious of my shading style. Board exams require me to shade as dark as I can. This time, I shaded lightly, I was afraid the ink would go through the other side of the ballot. And I kept counting my senators over and over again. Just being sure. :)

It's my first time to vote and I'm actually excited. Despite the insanity all over the Philippines, I realized I'm actually hopeful of how my vote would affect the nation in the coming years.

Many years from now, when automated elections would be obsolete, I hope I might live to tell the story of this day.

DABDA

For weeks I thought I was doing fine. Night-out here, work there, meet-ups here and there. I was busy. But I breathed.

And then something happened that made me hold my breath.

I was sharing photos with a friend when I saw old photos. Of us. You can call me a masochist, but yeah. I browsed through each and every photo we had for the last two years. The end result? I cried. Hot tears came flowing down my face.

My mind was on a rut. I thought I was okay. I thought I had it all under control.

I remembered something. DABDA. The past three weeks was a huge D - Denial.

I cried endlessly. I thought of how happy we both were, how we enjoyed each other's company, how we shared our lives together. How could something so beautiful just end so sudden? What went wrong? To think that I imagined and wished to spend the rest of my life with him. But then, he's not the one. So what now?Sift through the billions of people in the world?

Now, I think I'm past the Denial stage. I'm moving on to Anger. Oh how I hate him today. It's strange how I could love someone so much and suddenly be this angry and full of hatred. But I do miss him. His company, our laughs, the good times, who I was with him.

I've seen all this before, went through all this. And I'm determined to get better in time.

DABDA. Please let me jump to the last A.

I jumped.

Into a pool of depression, pity and gloom. Kinda gooey down here.

**

EDSA at Kalayaan

Kausap ko ang estudyante ko kanina. Pinag-uusapan namin ang isang historical landmark na napuntahan niya sa Maynila - ang EDSA Shrine. Sabi niya, nung panahon ng EDSA revolution, walang kalayaan ang mga tao na gawin ang maraming bagay. Sinabi niya rin na wala rin daw "freedom of depressed".

Natahimik ako sa sinabi niya. Maganda yun ah. Freedom of Depressed.

Sa panahong talamak ang ka-emo-han at ka-OA-han sa mundo, malamang dapat nating isulong ang kalayaan ng mga taong depressed. Sakop nito ang mga privilege ng mga taong tinamaan ng matinding depresyon sa kanilang buhay.

Matindi ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon pero hindi ko masabi kung depression nga ba ito. Alam ko na pagdepressed ako, marami akong karapatan. Tulad ng..

1. Maglasing araw-araw sa loob ng isang buwan. Kilalanin ang lahat ng cocktail na nakalista sa menu.
2. Lumamon ng lahat ng pagkaing gusto ko. Kulang nalang, humilata sa kama at abangan ang stroke.
3. O di kaya, kalimutan na kailangan ng katawan ko ang pagkain. Gawing idol si Karen Carpenter.
4. Matulog buong araw. Aakalain ng mga kasama ko sa bahay na na-stroke na nga ako.
5. Makinig labsongs umaga hanggang gabi. Masokista, sobra.
6. Magpost ng status sa FB maya't maya, daig pa ang adbertays ni Villar sa TV.
7. Isubsob ang sarili sa trabaho. Ultimo paglilinis ng banyo sa opisina, feel kong gawin.
8. Pumunta sa mataong lugar at tumunganga mag-isa.
9. Umiyak habang kumakain ng ice cream.
10.  Magpa-manicure at pedicure linggo-linggo.

Para sa akin, ito ang mga bagay na sakop ng Freedom of Depressed dahil ginawa ko ang lahat ng ito minsan sa aking buhay. Sa ngayon, ang nagagawa ko pa lamang ay ang number 8. Hindi naman ako gaanong tumunganga. Nagpa-cute lang ng konti sa mga lalake sa kabilang la mesa at umuwi agad ng kinilabutan na. Siguro depressed ako, siguro hindi. Siguro natutunan ko na ang mga pinaka-epektibong paraan upang magmukhang normal kahit malungkot.

Freedom of Depressed. Alam kong barok pakinggan at alam kong dapat kong pinagtawanan ang estudyante ko kanina. Subalit nakaisip ako ng isang mahalagang aral. Kung karapatan ng tao na maging masaya, may karapatan din siyang makaramdam ng lungkot at maghanap ng paraan upang maibsan ito, basta't wala siyang naapakan o nasasaktang iba.

Nagtatagalog ako kasi napagod ako sa kaka-ingles buong hapon.

Bow.

Day One

Day One is all about the jitters and the excitement and the two-hour thrill in preparation for the big day. Today is my day one.

I was invited by my IELTS review center to join their team. Without thinking twice, I said yes. And today was the first day of my stint as an interviewer.

I was once on the receiving end of the mental torture you get when reviewing for the IELTS. Today, it felt quite good to be on the other end haha.


The first student I interviewed was jittery. And so was I.


Nikka: Good afternoon.
Boy: Good afternoon Ma'am.
Nikka: Have a seat.
Boy: (takes his seat)
Nikka: Good afternoon.
Boy: Good afternoon Ma'am.

Sheesh. But as the hours went by, I realized how I shouldn't be the chicken in that scene. So I picked up the pace and tried to enjoy the afternoon. It was nice to hear their opinions and the varying ways they answer.

It's only my first day and I already had lots of fun. Yes, I admit, my students had bloopers and  my evil twin was laughing the whole time but I'll save these stories for drinking sessions and chillax paloozas. But I'll take it as my responsibility to help and counsel the students; I know how much everybody wants to be on greener pastures for a change.

I know it's only day one. But I like the job so much that I hope to keep it for the longest time possible. Day One is for dipping my toes in the water and I think the water is just right.

Thank you Lord. You are amazing.

Cheers!

Oh The Memories :)

Here are recent photos that I absolutely adore. :)

This was taken weeks ago, after the shoot for the latest set. Takmu, Nikki and me just fooling around. Nikki is in her best element! Bwahaha.

Last April 29. 2010, Mama celebrated her 50th birthday. And since my friends lived in the neighboring towns, I invited them to come over. This is Japoy, my friend's bro. I like this photo cos I never knew I could laugh that hard again! :)

These are some of my most amazing friends. Pepito, Esme, Mamu and Belle. A lot of people are still missing in this pic: Gian, Beri, Gideon and Eking. Hopefully we could all get together one day. :) Seeing them makes me realize how much I missed out on in the past couple of years.

These were the youngest and noisiest and hungriest guests on my Mom's birthday. Love love love. :) The kid on the photo is my cousin Allistair. He knows too much about dinosaurs.

See how much she has grown! :) This is Nia trying to be a dalaga by imitating what I'm doing. She got her lips too red after this shot.

I'm having a blast and these photos aren't enough to prove it. Life is good :)

Cheers! :)