12.11.2009
Binukid
Earlier, I was busy preparing lunch when my dad asked me to go to the poolside. There, a ten year-old boy was drenched and rolling on the grass. When I asked what happened, his companions said that he drowned. It took a while before someone saw him and rescued him. He was told by his companions to lie face down on the ground for a few minutes then roll over. I told the boy to stand up and he was doing fine - no difficulty of breathing, no palor.
For days now, my baby cousin Jap has been crying incessantly. He keeps on wailing and screaming for apparently no reason at all. Months ago, Jap was usually calm and playful and his grandma used to take care of him. Now that his grandma moved to another province, Jap seemed to be very irritable. Jap's mom, my aunt, said that Lola Divine might have been remembering Jap too much, causing the kid to have daily bouts of wailing and crying.
These are only two of the things I encountered today. And I remember how The Boy almost often relates everything to folklore. He wouldn't let me trim my fingernails at night nor sweep the floor. A little noise on the roof would make his eyes grow wide with surprise, telling me it might be "something else".
Indeed, there are certain things that prevail despite the technological progress we have in the country. However, I think no other country is as superstitious as ours. Westerners rarely attribute instances to spooky stuff. In the end, for as long as there is no harm caused by these beliefs, then they remain to be a colorful strand of the Pinoy culture.
12.10.2009
From the Nipa Hut!
Welcome to Tupi, South Cotabato.
Tupi is a small town between General Santos City and Marbel. It is so small that virtually everyone knows everyone else here. Tupi is my father's hometown. His side of the family owns a generous amount of space here. The space was eventually developed into a resort, which explains why I have to bear with the singing teenager, who now changed the song to Lucky by Britney Spears.
For years now, we have spent almost every Christmas and New Year here. Yes, it sucks to be away from my friends for the holidays. Plus, it seems crazy to only have one channel on the TV and one station on the radio. And not to mention the daily power interruption. But then, on the lighter and brighter side of things, it is only here where I get to do lots of things.
My Davao waking time is 7 am, 8 am max. Here, I have to get up at six because everyone else is up and I can't miss breakfast. I get to cook, clean, do gardening, babysit for the rest of the day. I practically have so many things to do that the only time I feel tired is when the day ends.
I enjoy the simplicity of the place. Going out doesn't require an hour of preparation. People would be staring at you if you wore something fashion-forward. The meals always include vegetables and fruits, snacks would mean kakanin. No lasagna, fries, cheese burger.
No 24/7 internet connection, no cable tv, no gimmick spots. It seems like a retreat place for me and staying here is a detoxification process. Before I go to sleep, I always have so many thoughts to scribble down each night.
By now, the teenager decided to make a female rendition of 25 Minutes by Michael Learns to Rock. And though her voice makes me scratch my head, I can only sigh.
This is Tupi. My Dad's hometown, slowly becoming my own too.
Cheers!
12.02.2009
That KFC Night
Two weeks ago, The Boy and I were at KFC. He was standing in line at the counter while I reserved a table for us. I was doing some people-watching for a few minutes. I saw my college classmate pass by and when I gestured to call him, the girl seated in the next table poked me. "Miss..", she said. Then she slumped on the table. I noticed she looked pale and she was sweating. On her tray, she had large coke and the number for her order. She didn't look at me, so I thought it was something else.
This was what I honestly thought she was up to. She was attracting my attention and when I get distracted, an accomplice would swing by, grab my bag and run away.
So because I had this notion, I was observing the twenty-something girl seated on the next table while clutching my bag close to my body. Suddenly, the girl talked to me and said, "I can't breathe." I told her to relax, sit up straight and take deep breaths. I noticed she was grasping her tummy. When she sat up straight, she was kicking and flailing her arms frantically. She was panicking. I stood up, my bag still hooked on my shoulder, and bent over to talk to her. She said she couldn't breathe. I told her to sit straight, inhale, exhale. I instructed her to take a sip of coke, just so she could feel something on her lips. When I placed the cup near her lips, she sipped and suddenly, she collapsed.
Her head hit the table and I shouted for help. My mind was racing, trying to remind myself of my training as a nurse, what to do in times like this. I was trying to hold her up but everything happened so fast. She slipped from her chair then fell on the floor. People came rushing towards us, most of them were bystanders. And yes, amidst it all, my handbag was still tucked in my armpit. For a second, I got annoyed at how people could just dare to stare and not do anything. Suddenly, I had an adrenalin rush, I inserted my arms under her armpits scooped her up from the floor, and placed her on a chair. I checked her pulse and her breathing, while praying and hoping that I didn't have to do CPR. Alas, she had pulse and breathing. At that point, another customer who was a doctor, approached the scene and instructed us what to do. The girl's legs were elevated above the level of the heart. Some old lady came near and smothered the girl with some menthol oil, from the nose to the neck and even to my hands. I thrusted her jaw open. She was breathing. I gently tapped her face and said, "Wake up Miss, wake up!"
Minutes later, she woke up. She said she was fine, though she was very pale and sweating. At that point, I saw her belongings on the floor. I picked up her money and her cellphone, and asked her who to contact. After sending a message to the number she dictated to me, the restaurant crew took over. Moments later, her boyfriend came to the rescue. And yes, after everything that happened, my bag was safe between my armpits.
When The Boy finally got our order, he told me was shocked to see me in the scene. He thought there were two girls quarreling or something. While we were eating, I could feel my heart pumping wildly with what just happened. Is this some sort of calling? God's way of telling me to go back to the nursing profession?
The girl shyly thanked me for helping her. There I felt an old familiar strain. I remembered that feeling, something that tells you, "Yes, you did something right."
I'm no hero, I'm no activist. But at that time, I certainly felt the need for something I am capable of providing. I hope the girl finds it in her heart to pay it forward, just as I did.
Today, though I am thankful for what happened, anything KFC sends an alarm through out my body. Maybe I am not ready for so much adrenalin rush just yet.
Stuff
1 hour of real world time = 15 minutes Facebook time. Bakit ganun?
Sana dalawin ni Santino ang mga Untouchable Ampatuans sa Maguindanao. Malay natin, maantig ang puso nila kahit papano.
Bakit walang Yakult na litro? Or Red Horse tetra pack?
Sick
Gaaah. I caught flu and I think the virus is taking a nasty effect on me. I've been bedridden for a few days, sneezing and coughing the whole time. I hate being sick more than getting bored. I wish there was an instant rememdy for baradong ilong.
PhotoJogging
Anyway, before I got sick, The Boy and I had an early morning jog last Saturday. I was so excited to take pictures that I only jogged for one round. Breakfast followed at McDonald's afterwards, as expected.
Cheers!
11.24.2009
Screw Violence!
I've heard the same story before. Two powerful families with a hideous display of violence. Only this time, it involves another surname. I've seen and shortly acquainted with the Mangudadatus earlier this year. It makes me shiver wondering who among them were massacred.
We here in Mindanao are aware of what their rival family is capable of. They sure know how to use their money and their guns. Just a flash of either of the two could pretty much get them what they want or need. It makes me sad to think that money, guns and power are all they need to get by. No love, no respect, no God.
The manner of killing is definitely barbaric; something that only a maniac is capable of, a megalomaniac that is. He feels like he holds so much wealth and power in his hands to the point that he bypasses laws and he even disregards the lives of other people, believing his life to be more valuable than theirs. He exercises so much strength in money, seeing it as a means of buying virtually anything - women, education, life and death. He holds the fear of people in his hands and shows it to them. He assumes that he is a god - omnipotent, all-knowing, able to discern one's destiny. Oh will somebody please show him that he is not?
I feel like a little girl, wondering why people kill. Should we kill people who are killing people? So we can show them that killing people is absolutely wrong? If power gives you the ability to do that, then I won't bother dreaming of being powerful someday.
In this situation, the suspect is a lion and GMA is the generous zookeeper, feeding the animal with his needs. I wish GMA would do the right thing, just this once. I wish justice would work just this once. And I wish the megalomaniac would face sheer reality and his own end, just this once.
I was browsing through some quotations today when I came across this one by Leonard Mosley.
Killing is practically a Filipino national pastime but on Mindanao, it's an industry.I can't help but raise an eyebrow on that one. But with the ongoing insane events in Maguindanao, slowly, my mind started to think that there must be some truth in it.
11.23.2009
Too Tired to Write Paragraphs
2. In a few days, My sis is leaving for Japan as an exchange student. We've been going out every now and then to scout for winter clothes. I'm jealous, she gets to wear trench coats, windbreakers and boots. Sana may winter din sa Pinas. :|
3. Davao City was freezing cold last week. Someone must've left the gigantic aircondition unit on. I think I slept more hours last week than any other week in my life!
4. I tried Fiorgelato, Menta flavor. I loved it! Tastes like toothpaste (toothpaste is yummy for me) with chocolate chips in it! Love!
5. To get the Christmas-y feel, I decorated our house. And since every area in the house is too occupied, I almost placed the Christmas tree in my bro's bedroom. Haha. But anyhow, I resorted with poinsettias all over the living room. Goodbye Grinchy me!
6. Cold weather = me eating a lot = me getting fat.
Bedtime,
11.16.2009
11.12.2009
yey i can bake!
Yes I can!
11.11.2009
Early Christmas
This is a picture of the Davao City Hall. I took this last November 2007. It goes to show how Christmas starts early in the Philippines.
Mom and I did the groceries yesterday. We were in the aisle filled with condiments, looking for tomato catsup. As I was taking a bottle off from the shelf, a lady approached me. She was shorter than me, and she looked like one of those ladies in church that led the Bible study for kids. Conservatively dressed, armed with a black book with envelopes sticking out of it. To my surprise, she asked for donations for their foundation. She asked for money. In the supermarket. Gaaah.
Because I was in a major PMS mode yesterday, I raised voice in an attempt to let by-passers hear. "Ha? Donation? Sigurado ka pwede kayo humingi ng donation dito?" She said yes. She added she was from the Pentecostal church. I eyed her and I saw a twinge of deceit in her eyes. But somehow, it seemed as if she needed it badly. She spoke again, prodding me to give her some money for their church. From my wallet, I took a twenty-peso bill. As I handed it to her, I told her to be careful in case a security guard sees her. I don't think any supermarket would allow people to "solicit" money from the grocers. She took the money, greeted me "Merry Christmas" and took off.
Truly, in the Philippines, Christmas is more than a day. It's a season. And since it is also dubbed as the Season of Giving, it is sad how some people take advantage of it. Nevertheless, the Man upstairs sees our hearts and our intentions.
Merry Early Christmas! :)
11.09.2009
The Strangest Thing
Paglabas ko, kinamusta niya ako. Sabi ko, "Great." Pero wala gaanong energy. Pagkatapos nun, naglitanya na siya tungkol sa kanyang produkto. Teleponong touch screen na may kung anu-anong features na hindi naman ginustong ilagay ni Alexander Graham Bell.
Pagkatapos niya maglitanya, sinabi ko na malamang interesado ang Tatay ko pero wala siya sa bahay. Sabi ko, iwan niya nalang ang contact number nila.
At dahil Pinay ako na likas na tsismosa, tinanong ko siya, "Why are you doing this? Are you an employee of some company?"
Sabi niya, "No, I'm the boss. I own the company." Aw ah. :|
Naikuwento niya pa na tumira na siya sa iba't ibang bansa sa Asia for fifteen years. Taga-California siya, umuuwi pa rin siya four times a year. One week pa lang siya dito sa Davao, dahil kaka-launch lang ng produkto nila dito. At dahil gusto niyang matuto ang kanyang employees kung paano magbenta, sumama siya mag-house to house.
Mula dun, di na ako nagtanong ng mga basic questions na binabato sa mga dayuhan.
Ano nga ba yung basic questions?
1.Your salary, how much?
2. Do you hab wife? Or girlpren?
3. Pilipina, you like?
But anyway, nakakatuwang makita na mismong dayuhan ang nagsisilbing "servant leader" sa mga Pinoy. Bihira ka lang ata makakakita ng CEO o boss dito sa Pinas na mismong magmamarket ng kanyang produkto. At in fairness sa kanya, hindi siya nagpaka-superior sa mga binebentahan niya. Hindi niya tinatratong ignorante ang mga kausap niya, kumpara sa ibang Pinoy.
Hindi Hollywood material yung Kano pero ang pakikitungo niya sa mga Pinoy ay mas mabuti pa sa pakikipag-kapwa tao ng mga mismong Pilipino.
Tagay,
11.08.2009
Inspired
Cheers,
11.05.2009
COUNTDOWNS
3 days before another reunion with highschool BFFs!
9 days before my Dad comes home with my Oly camera.
25 days before my sister flies to another country.
44 days before our family vacation!
50 days before Christmas!
57 days before a spanking New Year! Yeah!:)
Before we know it, it's already 2010! I'm an excited kid! Woohoo! :)
11.01.2009
The Week That Was
1. I did all my mundane tasks. Went to the bank, did the groceries and all the hoo-ha.
2. Mom and I went to Seawall for a stroll last Monday. Her walk is really improving.
3. My college friends, whom I haven't seen in agessss, came to Davao last Tuesday. We hung out at my friend's house til the wee hours of dawn. Good times!!! Ended up having an imaginary friend. Haha.
4. My sister turned sixteen last Tuesday! I cooked spaghetti for her, my own rendition. It rocked. :) Can't believe my sister is ONLY sixteen when she's several inches taller than me. Haha.
5. A few friends hung out in our house last Thursday. Yaaay. Haven't done that in a while. :)
6. The Boy and I met for a fantastic dinner date and a ride home in his green Volkswagen.
7. One of my closest friends ever is leaving for London. She and my other friends had a get-together and I wasn't able to come. :(
8. My bro drove me around the city for most of the errands I did. Buti nalang, I taught him how to drive. Haha.
It's because of all these things that I've become a zombie just in time for Halloween. I didn't get much sleep for several days because of the night-outs. Gaaaah. I'm not used to it anymore. I wake up grumpy and tired. But anyway.
---
I realized that when I pray, I always ask God to make me a better person. I love God for the seemingly endless chances He gives me each day. And I hope He will love me more in return as I try my best not to waste the chances He blesses me with. :)
10.24.2009
Pencil
10.22.2009
Thursday
But despite this, there are still lots of good things to pay attention to. First, I simply admire the Filipino spirit of facing trials and challenges with positivity. Only Filipinos can go through such hardships but still manage to crack jokes, sing and laugh. Though I'm not a completely positive person, I still thank God for turning my head to the brighter side of things all the time. Also, now that the worst is over, we can only be thankful for how our things turned out for our good, for how our lives have been changed by these tough experiences, and how all of us have remained sane and free from anti-psychotics. And probably, the best part of going through a long and crazy year is the thought that if this year wasn't all good, the next one probably will be better. You know how they say, when you're down in the pits, the only way to go is up. :)
**
I'm overflowing with good vibes today. I realized that giving value to superficial things kills the soul. As a person, I feel like I lose substance and depth when I engross myself too much with make-up, glamor, popularity and everything else that fades. For quite some time, I feel like I lost touch with my values, my beliefs, my dreams, and the other stuff that comprise the real me. It feels good to have the urge to rekindle my soul. Aaah basta.
I had a nice talk with a friend today. He asked me where I am in my life right now. It took me a full minute to come up with an honest but pa-deep answer. I recognized myself as someone standing in front of a gap. Beyond that gap is a dream that I have been yearning for. The gap is too wide to jump across and it's making me think of the best way to get there. Although it seems impossible, all I know is that I have this incredible belief in myself that I will get there.
Woohoo. This is already 20 ft deep! :) So to anyone reading this, where do you stand in your life right now?:)
Come to think of it.
10.21.2009
Friends!
Deep Friends
I call them "deep friends" because they're the ones I have deep conversations with, sa sobrang deep nakakalunod. Engk! Terro, his girlfriend Jec and my college superfriend Jessa visited me three weeks ago.
Jessa was my classmate in 2nd year college. She sat behind me in class and she was usually perky and yeah, noisy, so we got along haha. I met Terro more than a decade ago, way back in sixth grade. He was my classmate, we were seatmates at one point. When I transferred to another school, I didn't see him for years until one day, I rang their doorbell and borrowed his cassette player hahaha. Jec is terro's girlfriend, so yun.
All three are making lots of money through networking. And in all honesty, when I see people who wanna do business talk on my doorstep, I'm quite unsure whether to let them in. But gladly, they spared me from their schemes and we all had a nice chit-chat over Pan de Mongo until midnight.
Happy Friends
Two weeks ago, I met up with my friends Gian and Belle. Now that makes me realize how their names sound so Italian. Anyhow, I picked up Gian in his apartment because it usually takes him hoursss to get ready. To my surprise, he was prepared when I got there. While waiting for him to polish his look, I hooked up with someone in his apartment.
Then we went to SPH to visit Belle's brother. Afterwhich, we went to Saint Jude and then ate at AnniPie. There, we had a very long and intriguing conversation. I bet the waitresses heard us and they all scooped an interesting story to tell their friends. :))
It was my first time to eat at Annipie. I must say, their pastries are VERY DELICIOUS. I had Decadent Chocolate, which was chocolate cake surrounded by a puddle of caramel. Belle had Tiramisu and Gian ordered Mocha Sansrival. The Sansrival had a little "kick" in every bite and by the time we finished it, we were all laughing boisterously like drunk middle-aged men. Before we left, we were told that it had a teeny bit mix of liquor. Aaah okay.
Highschool BFFs
A week ago, I met up with my highschool bestfriends Janine and Ai. Aaaah, those girls and I go a long, long way back. They were both my classmates in my freshmen year in Philippine Women's College. I was the new girl and they were the ones I grew comfortable being with. And so we've been bestfriends since then. They are two of the very few people who know me best, from my craziest to my lowest low. And now they have two little versions of themselves!
After a night of talking with the girls and playing with the kids, my voice was hoarse! We were planning to do a major reunion with our other bestfriends. My fingers are crossed. :)
Because I need to stay home most of the time, I can't help but feel isolated. But then, meeting up with my friends make me realize that they really are there. I'm happy to have friends that I don't necessarily have to meet every single day because I know that a simple meet-up is enough to guarantee that the deep friendship is still there.
Cheers!
The Magic Instant by Paulo Coelho
The Magic Instant
We have to take risks. We can only truly understand the miracle of life when we let the unexpected manifest itself.
Every day – together with the sun – God gives us a moment in which it is possible to change everything that makes us unhappy. Every day we try to pretend that we don’t realize that moment, that it doesn’t exist, that today is just the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if you pay attention, you can discover the magic instant. It may be hiding at the moment when we put the key in the door in the morning, in the silence right after dinner, in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. This moment exists – a moment when all the strength of the stars passes through us and lets us work miracles.
Happiness is at times a blessing – but usually it’s a conquest. The magic instant helps us to change, drives us forward to seek our dreams. We shall suffer and go through quite a few difficult moments and face many a disappointment – but this is all transitory and inevitable, and eventually we shall feel proud of the marks left behind by the obstacles. In the future we will be able to look back with pride and faith.
Poor are those who are afraid of running risks. Because maybe they are never disappointed, never disillusioned, never suffer like those who have a dream to pursue. But when they look back – for we always look back – they will hear their heart saying: “What did you do with the miracles that God sowed for your days? What did you do with the talent that your Master entrusted to you? You buried it deep in a grave because you were afraid to lose it. So this is your inheritance: the certainty that you have wasted your life.”
Poor are those who hear these words. For then they will believe in miracles, but the magic instants of life will have already passed.
We must listen to the child that we once were, and who still lives within us. This child understands about magic instants. We can muffle his sobbing, but we can’t hush his voice.
If we aren’t reborn, if we don’t see life again with the innocence and enthusiasm of childhood, then there is no more sense to living.
There are many ways to commit suicide. Those who try to kill their body offend God’s law. Those who try to kill their soul also offend God’s law, although their crime is less visible to the eyes of man.
Let us be heedful of what the child within us has to say. Let’s not feel ashamed of it. Let’s not allow it to feel afraid, because it’s lonely and is scarcely ever heard.
Let’s allow the child within us to take the reins of our existence a little. This child says that one day is different from another.
Let’s make the child feel loved again. Let’s please this child – even if it means acting in a way that we’re not used to, even if it seems foolish in the eyes of others.
Remember that the wisdom of men is madness before God. If we listen to the child we bear in our soul, our eyes will shine once more. If we don’t lose contact with this child, we won’t lose contact with life.
Let’s live all the magic instants of 2009!
Love
There is always someone in the world waiting for someone else, whether in the middle of the desert or in the heart of some big city. And when these two people’s paths cross and their eyes meet, the whole of the past and the whole of the future lose all importance, and there only exists that moment and that incredible certainty that everything under the Sun was written by the very same Hand. The Hand that awakens Love and creates a sister soul for everyone who works, rests and seeks treasures under the Sun. Were it not for this, the dreams of the human race would make no sense.
10.20.2009
Finally!
There are so many things I haven't taken into account.
One, I've been cooking and baking a lot the past few weeks. The toughest one was Embutido, the most delicious dish I made has to be Burger Steak. The sloppiest one would be the Strawberry Chocolate Cake, which breaks into crumbs after slicing hahaha. And my most loved masterpiece would have to be the Chocolate and Peanut Butter Chipped Coookies which I baked just yesterday. I love it the most because finally I can have something to munch whenever I get those late night cravings.
Two, I met a lot of my friends within two weeks time. Because I'm somewhat isolated from the rest of them, seeing them feels like a grand reunion each time. I'll reserve the stories on another post.
Three, I'm not much of a Facebook addict anymore! Yeeey! Finally, I have trained my mind to stop thinking of cool and philosophical status messages to post. Now, I'll just leave it as it is.
Four, I'm having strange dreams lately. And it's mostly about the things that I know I want but I just can't tell other people about. Oooh, juicy eh? Haha. Like, the other night I dreamt I was walking the streets of London clothed in my winter attire, surrounded by pale-skinned English people. Ay I wish!
Lastly, I am so much hooked on PBB! If you know someone among the housemates, it's really unavoidable to get hooked. And though I twinge with dislike when I see that certain housemate, I can't help but watch each episode. Which housemate? Secret! :)
10.18.2009
Aack!
But it doesn't have that button that takes you to older posts or shows the archives! Aaah! Have to ask my techie friends 'bout this.
As of now, I made my eyes bleed by staring at the PC for five hours, tinkering with this layout. And as of now, my sister has been sighing heavily everytime she passes by. Alright, alright. My turn on the TV.
And oh, ain't sick anymore. Yaaay! :)
10.13.2009
Down With The Sickness (Uwa-ah-ah-ah!)
But anyhow, even if I'm sick, I find it odd that I'm craving for FOOD. Crabs, french fries, freshly baked bread, grilled pork. Aaahh. I miss food, though I can't even taste them.
I hate being sick. It is the total opposite of this very energetic person that I am. I can't do the things I want to, can't go near my mom, and I can't stay up late. My head is throbbing, my eyes are always teary, walking around seems like a chore and my throat is very itchy. Plus, my right jaw is a bit swollen; it seems like I have mumps. Baaa. This sucks.
I used to think I was this very healthy person that won't catch a cold at any cost. Guess I'm not that invincible after all. :))
10.12.2009
News!
2. I want to sleep all day.
3. I can't go near Mama, I'm afraid she might catch whatever I'm having.
4. I just had a craaaazy weekend! :)
5. I want to write but I'm too tired. Whew.
But I changed the blog layout though. :p Next time.
10.10.2009
Loose Association
But I do admit I miss the person I used to connect with, 24/7. I wish I could have those late night talks with him again. Or hold his hand, both in public and in private. Looking into his eyes would greatly comfort me right now. I miss the only man I love. Yeah, cheesy.
As of now, I believe it would take a miracle for us to communicate. Even a single message from him is impossible.
I've repeated the "separation story" more than ten times to different people. From time to time, I get varied advice on what to do and how to go about the situation. I realized, whoever coined the maxim "Follow your heart" must have received so many advice to the point that he too got confused on what to do.
If I were to follow my heart, I certainly know what it wants. The problem is how do I get it?
I went out with my friends today and I learned how talking about the situation eases the burden. It is certainly not the best time for me to be alone. While walking round the mall, I can't help but hate those happy couples walking past. Bitter Ocampo hahaha. But the true comfort of the day is knowing that my friends are rooting for my happiness. Period.
Another thing that surprises me is my willingness to take risks. I guess this goes back to my mom's situation, when I saw for myself how life is too short.
If God forgives and gives chances, I wish humans would too.
These thoughts are fleeting. I am both scared and comforted with the fact that these may change in a few days or weeks time. I hope and pray for the best.
I'll be going to bed. It takes me an hour before I finally get to sleep. Nowadays, hell means getting up in the morning and going to bed. Aaahh, I should stop being ungrateful.
***
I noticed that the readers' counter have increased a lot! To those reading this, thank you so much. Pardon me for all the mush I've been writing lately but maybe that prompts you to keep on reading right? Haha. I just want you to know that comments will highly be appreciated. Friends tayong lahat! :)
10.07.2009
On First Love
I am 22 years old. At this point, most people my age already met their first love. Although some have completely let go of their first love, to others, it has become their only love.
So I met him when I was 12, on the first day of school. I must say, I didn't really fall in love instantly. But I clearly remember that we were both smiling and looking into each other's eyes when we exchanged names in that certain corner of the classroom. Pardon me for being cheesy but my life was never the same since then.
Our story is quite long, and only both of us knew the original and heartfelt version. But to shorten the whole ten years, we first became bestfriends. Soon after, the friendship grew deeper until we eventually liked each other. Because we were still teens, we liked other people too and had relationships with others along the way. But then, one day, he courted me. I said yes. And since it seemed like applied physics for both of us, we parted ways when we reached college. Even if we lost the relationship, we remained good friends through the course of time. And even if we were single, we didn’t commit to anyone else. Until four years later, we found ourselves in each other's arms again.
It's good to be with your first love for a million reasons. And though I can't cite all of them, let me give a few. Primarily, the conversations couldn't get any better. We often talked about our childhood before we met each other, our highschool life, and future plans which aren't necessarily for us together. It was truly nice to share those long talks and walks with him. Also, I can't overlook the beauty of knowing someone for a long time. I don’t know him completely, but I have a good idea of who he is and vice versa. He knew how to turn my day around and make me smile even in the most boring hours of the day. He simply understands me. At the same time, being with my first love was not hard for my family; it actually spared them of their fear that I might date some rebel, addict, or maniac. In a way, they were confident whenever we went out. And finally, sticking with the first love gave us thousands of memories together. At times, we would just sit, pick one memory among the thousands, and laugh or cry about it. Doing that pretty much consumes the time during our dates and bonding sessions.
But as I grew older, I also learned a few cons. And I've been learning more recently. When we were still together, we lived in this bubble where only he and I existed. But then, I realized that we live in a huge world full of possibilities. Being chained to my first love limits the experiences that I can have in this world. I realized I want to experience a wonderful detachment, one that allows me to see the world and be myself while being loved and supported by someone special. Also, I suddenly thought that though my age seems mature, I still consider myself young with lots of years ahead of me. Even so, I am confronted with the question, what if the person I liked when I was 12 will not be the same person I will love when I'm 30? I must admit, sometimes I wish I met my first love when I was a bit older. At least by that time, we wouldn't have to wait too long. And by that time, we would just have to make it happen. And finally, I realized that people my age have a track record of five to six relationships. I only have two; one with my neighbor and from that you know it was fleeting, and another with my first real love. Period. At times, I wonder whether I’m missing out on some things. But I got distracted with the beauty of staying with my first love, I didn’t pretty much dwell on what I was missing. Now, I have the chance to find out.
Someone I knew had a theory – the person you end up with should be different from your first love. She said by doing so, it reveals how you have matured from the time you met your first love until the time you decide to tie the knot. But still, I’ve heard of people who end up with their first love, come what may. And there are some who end up with someone else only to realize they want to be with the person they first learned to love. But then, I also heard a story of how a man turned his back on a long-term relationship with his first love just because of someone new. These possibilities truly scare me. And yet, there are still others who are in their 20s and still waiting for their first love.
Our story evolved within ten years. I’ve always received jokes that it could qualify as an episode of MMK or it deserves to be a telenovela. And in ten years time, we pretty much covered most of the relationship status options in Facebook, except for Married and Engaged. Ten years. The roots have crept towards the deepest part of the ground, making it grueling to remove. I don’t think my life will ever be the same.
I am 22 years old and I already met my first love. Though I am quite unsure whether this is the only love I’ll ever have, I believe I enjoyed every bit of it. They say first love never dies. But I contend that true love never ends. In my case, I hope it won’t.
10.06.2009
Day Two
On the morning of Day Two, I felt like I woke up in hell. Suddenly, sadness had this huge arms that were wrapped around me. My eyes were puffy from crying the night before. It was a good cry, one that I badly needed. Little did I know that I was going to do more sulking the next day.
I was doing some house chores when my finger got stuck in a drawer. I banged the drawer when I closed it without noticing that my finger was still inside. It was very painful. Being the crybaby that I am, I cried. At first, it was because I couldn't feel my finger anymore. Minutes later, I was crying because I lost someone who was celebrating his birthday that day. My mom saw me crying. After a few moments, she was crying too. She shared my grief somehow.
I proceeded with the day, evolving into this super pathetic being that I once was years ago. Deleting old messages, listening to sad songs, staring blankly at a wall and remembering the past. The funny and good thing is, when I remember us, the good times come to surface even if we fought a million times. As the day went on, I continued to morph from a girl brimming with positivity into an "emo" kid wanting to tear the whole world down.
Before Day Two ended, we talked on the phone. It was a good conversation. I said the things I might regret not saying. I was crying too much that the desk literally had a puddle of tears. Gaaaah. I never imagined that I'd be this way again.
Before, when the day ends, I would be thankful for two things. One, my mom is a survivor. Two, I had a beautiful and thriving relationship. For Day Two, I thanked God for my mom's life and The Boy's life, which I was a part of even for a while.
10.05.2009
Day One
Day one is for state of shock. It's day when your mind is just filled with replays. Replays of what happened before the earthquake. Replays of how you acted and reacted while the ground was shaking beneath your feet. Words and cries continuously echo through your mind, making Day One very unproductive. Sure, you could go with your daily routine but your mind would be elsewhere.
Day One could also be spent in denial. It didn't happen. Maybe it can still be patched up. Maybe it's just among many other ordinary earthquakes. And because you're still in denial, maybe you will shed a few tears.
My Day One started out fine. I embraced the new yet familiar world. I went through my daily routine, with flashbacks often disturbing my thoughts. But I couldn't go through the day without doing two things. One was to talk to friends. I vented out my feelings, my worries, my thoughts. And as expected, they gave advice, which from experience I knew that any amount of it won't make me feel better. And two was to cry. I had to let the truth sink in. I had to mourn. I was sad and and I knew it is a must for me to let it all out.
Many years ago, I experienced the same thing from the same source. That time, I was a terrible mess. It was as if my world stopped. I lost my ground. I did immature things; looking back does not make me feel proud. It took me a long time before I tried to be out in the field again.
Now, I am thankful to see that my responses changed. I refuse to rebel, to do anything that would provoke guilt. I choose to sort my thoughts without the influence of anything but music. I refuse to do a text brigade informing everyone of the disaster I'm in. I just want to be with myself, nursing my broken heart.
It is only Day One. The good news is, at some point, things will get better from Day One to 1000. I will be strong. I will be better. I will be happy.
***
I don't know if I made any sense writing this. I tried to. But again, things will get better. In times like this, nothing else could soothe me but music. My song for today is Someone You Used To Know by Zee Avi. It captures the whole thing.
Goodnight. :)
10.03.2009
TGIF
1. Go to the bank and withdraw our monthly budget. I had to go 'round Bankerohan just to find a decent parking space. I've become a bit paranoid from all the carjacking incidents.
2. Go to Aldevinco (the land of milk and honey hahaha) and visit my suki money changer I parked a kilometer away. I'm not that paranoid after all.
3. Pay cable and electricity bills at Ponciano Watched Mr. Bean while waiting in line.
4. Pay water bill at Victoria Plaza I gave the exact amount, including the eighty cents. Frugalist much?
5. Buy a DVD that I could watch for weeks Engkkk! I looked for a good movie or series, something I could lounge around to. But I didn't find anything nice, even the latest season of Family Guy. Boo.
6. Buy our snacks Waffles!
7. Find time to squeeze in a meet-up with my friend This leads me to my second story of the day.
But before thaaaat, I got so hyped up from being able to drive around the city alone in a big van and cutting on unruly taxi drivers. I hate it when other drivers try to scare me off the road just because I'm a lady driver. Maliit na nga, minamaliit pa.
***
Today, I saw..
**Because I rarely meet up with the people I know, I will make it a point to have a photo with them if ever I run into them. I must post the photo here and include how I met them. Hopefully, it will allow me to cherish my friends more.**
.. Belle, Gian and Gidz! After 456, 789 years, finally, I did CPR on my social life! I met Belle and Japoy at MTS, drove to Obrero to pick up Gian then proceeded to McDonalds. Then we had a mini-reunion in a place that we missed the most!
This is me in my half-zebra half-woman attire with them haha. I met Belle through Gian. Gian was my classmate in second year college. We often hung out in their apartment, so I met Belle who lived with them. I met Gideon when, spur of the moment, my friends and I went to his house late in the evening. It's a splendid place by the beach, you can't help but love it. We ended up going to his place often and bringing more common friends along. Tadaaaa. :)
I haven't seen Belle in two months, Gian in four months or so, and Gideon in 10 months or more! To think that we all used to go out every week!
For the entire night and up until near-dawn, we indulged in a lengthy conversation that started with how we were doing then it led to gays, indie films, love, life, nursing, relationships, food. I loved that conversation! They're the kind of friends that I can just sit back and chill with, over music, bags of chips and softdrinks. No need for 100-peso coffee and all that jazz.
We've all gone a long way since we last saw each other. It feels great to meet your friends again after a long time. The best part is when you see how they're lives have tremendously changed but your friendship hasn't.
I'm so happy to have bonded with them, so happy that I looked drugged when I got up this morning hahaha. Looking forward to my next bond!
10.01.2009
To Do List
- Go to the bank and withdraw our monthly budget.
- Go to Aldevinco (the land of milk and honey hahaha) and visit my suki money changer
- Pay cable and electricity bills at Ponciano
- Pay water bill at Victoria Plaza
- Buy a DVD that I could watch for weeks
- Buy our snacks
- Find time to squeeze in a meet-up with my friend
Ang dami ko pang sinasabi, di pa nga ako naliligo. Haha. Will check back on this list later. Baboo.
Pakonti-konti
Kanina lang, may nabuo na akong blog sa utak ko. Pero dahil mabagal ang connection, putol-putol din ang aking train of thought.
Hindi pwedeng hindi ko banggitin na maraming lugar na ang apektado ng pagka-moody ni Mother Earth. Luzon, Samoa, Vietnam, Indonesia, pati Georgia, Atlanta. Menopausal na siguro si Mama Earth. Tama na please.
Miss ko na camera ko. Hindi naman talaga yun akin ng buong-buo. Nakiki-camera lang ako kay Papa. Ayun, dala niya sa Mongolia ngayon. Sad. :| Gusto kong mamasyal at magpindot buong araw.
Umuwi na rin ang mga pinsan ko sa Manila. Nakaka-miss agad. Walang kuya at ate. :| Ganito talaga siguro basta panganay noh?
Pero kahit ganun, masaya pa rin ako ngayong araw. Pagdukot ko sa bulsa ng bagong laba kong shorts, aba! May papel! Pera! Bente? Singkwenta? Isang daan? Hindi. Isang libo!!! Kung saan, kelan at paano napunta ang isang libo sa bulsa ko, wala akong alam. Basta alam ko, may isang libo na ako! Woohoo!
--
Naisip ko na andami kong ginagawa tuwing nagda-drive ako mag-isa. Tulad ng..
- pagkuha ng picture. Picture ng mga taong dumadaan, kotseng nakakasalubong, sunset, etc. Pag nakatigil ako sa red light, pati sarili ko, kinukunan ko na ng picture. Pangit lang ang mga angle, nakafocus sa mga butas ng aking ilong, masisilip ang utak ko.
- pagkanta ng malakas. Kahit nakasara ang mga bintana at di naririnig ng mga tao sa labas, halata pa ring kumakanta ako kasi makikita ako sa loob na papikit-pikit sa pagbirit. Yaks.
- mga nakakadiring habits. Tulad ng pag-yawn na sa sobrang laki ng bunganga, kita na ang aking spleen. At tulad na rin ng pangungulangot, pagtanggal ng tinga, pagkamot ng kili-kili, pag-ayos ng bra kung nakapuwesto ba ng tama. Feel at home ako sa kotse eh, ano ba.
- pagsayaw. Kanina, banat ako sa pagsayaw habang naka-red light. Woohoo, may pa-snap snap pa!
Ayun lang muna. Pakonti-konti. Goodnight.
9.29.2009
Yaaay!
And oh, this page is sporting a new do. The previous layout was just so.. hippie and puberty-ish hahaha. Hence, I decided to go lite and classy, a contrast to my heavy and disorganized thoughts. So here it is. Yaaay!
I also named the page 'El Cuaderno". Eversince I learned how to write, I've always kept old notebooks so I could write on the extra pages. I never had a real diary, all my diaries are ordinary notebooks, as in the one you use for your English class. And yes, I once used a Lesson Plan as my diary! Now, I still write in my notebook but I want this page to be my online journal. As with my personality, please don't expect my posts to make sense all the time. :p
I spent the day lounging around and being lazy, aside from my activities with Mom of course. It was already 4 pm when I realized I didn't take a bath yet. Eeek. But now, I'm all fresh and clean! Yaaay! Lame hahaha.
9.27.2009
Of Dreams
That was me talking to myself. :)
Ondoy and Planet Earth
Yesterday, I was wondering how come there was a News Flash every fifteen minutes or so on TV. I was only hearing the opening music for the ABS-CBN news flash but I didn't really pay attention. I was only aware of what really happened til last night, when Cristine Reyes was begging for help as she was stuck on their rooftop with her family for eight hours. Little did I know about the extent of damage that Ondoy brought to Luzon.
I remember Manila to be prone to flood. But this one is crazy. Cars floating, people swimming amidst rainwater and even posh subdivisions seem to be floating as well. This picture from Yahoo images broke my heart.
People are swimming towards higher ground for safety. On my Twitter account, I read a lot of updates from local celebrities. The one that struck me most was @iloveruffag's post:
While I and other DavaoeƱos are so lucky to be in a typhoon-free zone, I think it is best for us to offer prayers for the victims of this typhoon. God bless the Philippines.
Chard said it was like the end of the world in Marikina. Pitch black, hundreds shouting for help,food. Most were angry,others were crying.
Weird Planet
Dad and I were chatting via Yahoo Messenger earlier. I told him about Ondoy. Then, he told me it snowed in Mongolia for a day then it stopped. Yesterday, it was freezing and today it was sunny and warm. His Mongolian officemates remarked that this was the first time they experienced such moody weather. And we both remembered the Red Dust in Sydney the other morning.
We only have one conclusion: Planet Earth is acting strange.
In other news..
Our cousins visited us! Yey! They live in Taytay, Rizal so we haven't seen each other in a gazillion years. Ate Jet and Kuya Jas used to visit us when we still lived in Bataan. We were growing up together when we were kids but sadly, we grew apart in the later years because my family and I moved to Davao. They're both older than me by four to six years (I never knew they're exact age) and they've always given me that "older sibling feeling" that I long for. It's nice chatting with them and their mom, Tita Flor. Our conversations have mostly evolved on how it was before when we were kids and how we are now. They still can't forget that I wanted to join Miss Philippines! Gaaah! It's truly great to have them here even for a few days.
9.23.2009
On Vanity
This is what I think of being vain. A vain person is someone who recently realized the magnitude of his/her own beauty and vows to do two things: one, to take full responsibility in maintaining that beauty and two, to prove it to the world. The thing is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Each of us are and can be beautiful. Hence, each of us have a tendency to be vain.
I believe that it all started with Friendster. Friendster requires users to post a profile picture and the magic started. From that moment, the population of photogenic people must have increased by 80%. And a lot of things followed that. More digicams, more dslrs, more photographers, Photoshop, etc.
Vain. Vanity. I have nothing against being vain. I sometimes pick up the camera and shoot photos of myself. And I scramble to be near the camera whenever a group photo is taken.
I don't think there is any problem with realizing the magnitude of one's beauty and taking full responsibility for it. But when one desperately tries to prove his/her beauty to the rest of the world, then it switches to "unbearable mode".
Examples of unbearable vanity? Some post every single shot they take of themselves. (Read: Fifty photos of oneself in different angles but with the same shirt.) And since vanity has become a semi-fad, a lot of poses evolved. I saw this album where a girl had thirty-something photos of herself doing only one pose : pouting. Some even go as far as buying a DSLR just to take better self-portraits. And someone even spilled iced coffee all over her blouse just because of vanity. Oops, that was me. Vain? Vain. HAHAHA.
The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that's laughable is vanity.
-Henri Bergson
9.22.2009
Tagalog Tuesday
Sa ulo ng mga balita..
- Nakapaglagay na ako ng $2000.00 sa pitaka ko. Dati, pinahawak ako ng $6000.00. Oo, sumagi din sa isip ko ang tumakbo papuntang money changer. Pero bago ko pa man nagawa yun, ni-remind agad ako ng Tatay ko na dugo at pawis ang sinakripisyo niya para dun. So, okay. Kanina, $2000.00, katas ng Mongolia. Di ko maitatangkang itakas yun, kundi maraming mamumulupot sa gutom.
- Kasama kami ni Mama at ni The Boy sa travel agency kanina. Bago kami umalis, sabi ni Miss G, "Magkapatid kayo?" Buti nalang di ko narinig. Kung narinig ko pa yun, nako! Tatanungin ko muna siya kung sino sa tingin niya ang mas matandang kapatid. Kung ano man ang isasagot niya, doon nakaratay ang hustisya! :))
- Nakita ko ang kaklase ko nung elementary sa TV. Pareho kaming taga-section 4-Bataan, teacher namin yung kulot ang buhok na madaldal. Yung kaklase kong iyon, matalino, tahimik at maitim din. Sayang di ko naging seatmate, kundi potential puppy love na sana yun. Waaa. :) Andun siya sa TV nung isang gabi, isa siya sa mga volunteers ni Noynoy. Lalo siyang umitim kasi nakadilaw siya, eh bawal kaya yun sa aming lahi. Wala lang.
- Naisip ko lang.. Kung hindi kaya ako magFacebook, may makakaalala pa kaya sa akin? Mawawala nalang ba ako bigla sa balat ng lupa? Mapuputol ba lahat ng friendships na nabuo ko hango sa totoong buhay at hindi sa FB? Ang puno't dulo ng lahat ng ito, importante ba talagang may Facebook? Oo, sagot ng mga naglalaro ng Farmtown. :|
Boredom.
Napansin kong panay akong binibisita nito. Madalas sa hapon, 1 to 4 pm. At sa gabi, 8 to 10 pm. Ito yung mga oras na nakatanim ang pwet ko sa plastic chair sa harap ng computer, naghahanap ng magagawa sa mundo ng internet. O di kaya nakahiga ako sa kama at nagbabasa ng isa sa mga sangkatutak na libro na di ko matapos-tapos basahin. Minsan, nakatunganga sa tibi at nilulunod ang sarili sa mundong hindi akin. At minsan, wala lang, nakahiga at humihinga. Simpleng buhay.
Madalas nagpapasalamat ako na hindi ako lalake. Kasi kung naging lalake ako, God knows kung ano ang mga pinanggagawa ko habang bored. Tulad ng magcomputer, at mag-ano.. online games. Saka yung ano.. magwork out. Saka yung iba pa. Basta! Buti nalang hindi ako naging lalake.
Babae nga ako pero hindi naman ako yung pa-girl. Hindi ako yung tipong kukuha ng digicam at itututok sa sarili, kukuha ng mahigit tatlong libong litrato ng sarili sa loob ng isang oras. Hindi rin ako yung nakatingin sa salamin at binibilang kung ilang pores ang bumukas, nagsara at lumobo ngayong araw. Hindi rin ako yung tipo na nagluluto pag bored. O sige, sinubukan ko minsan pero nasira lang tiyan ko. So wag nalang. At hindi rin ako mahilig mag-exercise. Oo, gusto ko magkaroon ng flat na tiyan. Pero umaasa at naniniwala pa rin ako sa himala.
Matagal na ako naghahanap ng solusyon sa aking pagka-bored. Given na hindi ako pwedeng magtrabaho sa ngayon, ano ba ang gusto kong gawin? Gusto kong magnegosyo. Gusto kong kumuha ng isang katutak na litrato ng kung ano-anong bagay. Gusto ko matuto ng French, Spanish, pagluluto, pagsayaw ng Salsa at Rumba, at pananahi. Gusto kong magsulat tungkol sa iba't ibang kalokohang pinasok ko. Gusto kong pumayat. Ang dami ko palang naisip na solusyon noh?
Naisip ko na ang boredom ay tunay na produkto ng utak na bored. Kung hinahayaan lang ng tao na tubuan ng lumot ang utak niya, tiyak na mangyayari yun. Iba ako. Gusto ko laging nasa "fun run" ang utak ko. Siguro, bored ako kasi napapagod din sa kaka-fun run ang aking neurons. *nerd*
So anong gagawin ko tuwing sasapit ang aking golden hours? Hindi pwedeng wala. Hindi ko na hahayaang katukin ako ng boredom. Run brain run!
9.20.2009
Cross-processed
I realized how my mood affected my work. I connect well with cross-processed and decolored photos.
This makes me wanna play the ukelele and sing, "Somewhere over the rainbow.. Bluebirds flyyyy.."
"How many times can a man turn his head and pretend that he just doesn't see? The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind.. The answer is blowin' in the wind.."
I find it odd yet comforting to know that I get a boost of creativity whenever I'm hit with the big D. I edited lots of photos from old phototrips today. Guess this is the silver lining in my dark clouds. :)
9.17.2009
Flowery Amateurity
I feel good with my edits today. Yey. :) And oh, I placed a counter on this site. Just for me to know if there are other people who read this, aside from the only two people in the world who know this page. :)
Who for President
I know Ninoy and Cory's achievements all too well and I believe they have contributed much effort for democracy. I also believe in their morality. Though it isn't safe to say that they are faultless, but maybe they are two of the few politicans who strived to keep their leadership clean and exemplary. Though I wasn't born at that time, I know they devoted a portion of their lives in the service of the Filipino people.
But Noynoy? Hmm. I still think he has more to prove. Kung sa mangga pa, I think he's the kind that looks ripe but it's actually sour inside. Presidency is not inherited, definitely. But, if he was raised by such moral and religious parents, maybe he's got a few tricks up his sleeve. Plus, his family was already wealthy even before they jumped to politics. I don't think money can still lure Noynoy to the wrong direction.
With this, the doctor told me that the country needs a leader that is moral, someone that can do a "general cleaning" on the "household". He believes that Noynoy could do that, if ever he wins.
In the coming election, if I haven't set my eyes on a specific candidate, I think I am inclined to vote for Noynoy. Just for the sake of voting.
It was the first time that I talked about politics with someone older, aside from my dad. it felt refreshing and empowering, making me realize that indeed I have a voice that matters, just like everyone else.
Baaaah. I've become such an activist. I owe this to the existence of a stagnant government that requires active people.
Amazing Race?
In the last two days, I visited a doctor twice and a lawyer once. And I drove around the city with my sister and with brown envelopes tucked in our armpits sweating from the Davao heat. Eew.
It was all because my sister applied for this overseas thingy. She went for it on a whim, just to see how far she goes. And two days ago, we received a list of papers to be gathered. It was one big scavenger hunt. Today, we were on panic mode, trying to accomplish every thing before the day ends. I was driving as if I stole this huge van that is so unfit for a pandak woman driver like me. Every accomplishment on the list leads to another task. Ooh, it is so Amazing Race. And we're competing with eighty other students (plus their stage moms, dads or sisters) from all over the country. The funny thing is, my sis and I are trying to run after a deadline that already passed by. September 15!!! But since the documents came on the day of the deadline, thanks to bagyong Maring, we were given a leeway of two days. Two days!
But anyhow, I learned a lot.
- I have better anger management skills. We had the documents photocopied and to our surprise, the photocopies missed two inches of the original page. I was at ultra panic mode that time. But instead of breaking down and burning the whole photocopy stall, I got all the docs and took them to another stall. Simple. No energy wasted for harsh words.
- I am now able to choose wisely. Example, I bought Palabok instead of pizza. Haha, lame. :))
- My (reckless) driving skills improved. I press the horn for three seconds at intersections to ward off those unruly taxis that sprout out of nowhere. Hehehe.
- I have, for the nth time, discerned the difference between the effects of "action" and "reaction". Action gets you somewhere, reaction gets you nowhere.
The Boy's mother is really the nicest and most sincere.
Their family is on a trip to the other side of Mindanao. I was calling up The Boy to hear some updates but he didn't answer his phone. No biggie. Minutes later, his mom called me up and had a little chit-chat with me. It's like he took on the conversation that The Boy and I were supposed to have (minus the mushy gushy stuff of course). She even asked about the "Amazing Race" that we had. Awww.
She is truly the nicest. She never says anything that she doesn't mean. Behind a great guy is indeed a great mom. :)